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Wednesday 9 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend of a year asked me to move in with him. I would have been touched at this gesture, had he not asked in the form of a text message, saying: "Got kicked out. Wanna get a flat or something?" FML

#20447722
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28845) - you deserved it (3496)

On 01/08/2013 at 8:31am - love - by movingbuddy (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML

#20457945
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28741) - you deserved it (3152)

On 01/13/2013 at 10:00pm - misc - by anon - United States (Ohio)

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML

#20450136
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28615) - you deserved it (7151)

On 01/09/2013 at 2:57pm - misc - by thanksmom (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend gave me lingerie from Victoria's Secret. He then added that his mother picked it out. FML

#20459473
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28444) - you deserved it (2966)

On 01/14/2013 at 7:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland)

Today, my 14-year-old son showed me a "bird's egg" he was looking after in his room. It was a dried up dog turd. FML

#20451321
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28229) - you deserved it (7424)

On 01/10/2013 at 1:28am - kids - by Facepalmum (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my son sprayed Axe body-spray all over the house in the vain hope of covering up the scent of the joints he'd been smoking. FML

#20446338
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28143) - you deserved it (4551)

On 01/07/2013 at 3:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I realized I'm so lonely that I get comfort from hearing my neighbor snore through my apartment wall. FML

Today, my hamster died. It climbed out of its cage and jumped off my dresser. Looking for condolences, I told my mom who replied, "If I lived in your room, I would have done it earlier." FML

#20453156
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27911) - you deserved it (7545)

On 01/11/2013 at 2:09am - animals - by deadhammy (man) - United States (California)

Today, while reading an erotic story I was more excited that the author used a conjunctive adverb than the sexual content in the story. FML

#20456501
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27839) - you deserved it (11167)

On 01/13/2013 at 1:39am - intimacy - by frustrated - United States (Florida)

Today, I spontaneously poured my heart out for my boyfriend, telling him how much I love and adore him. He answered by leaning in close, saying "Jolly good" in an affected accent, and burping loud and clear in my ear. FML

#20455481
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27530) - you deserved it (4564)

On 01/12/2013 at 3:12pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, my dad learned that it's possible to power a lightbulb with a potato. Since then, he's been going around the house removing all the plugs from the wall and plugging them into potatoes instead. He's absolutely baffled as to why it won't work. FML

#20450090
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27476) - you deserved it (2350)

On 01/09/2013 at 2:23pm - misc - by Darkandcold - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML

#20446350
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27200) - you deserved it (2843)

On 01/07/2013 at 3:09pm - love - by Sawarski - United States

Today, management told me that I couldn't have a doorbell on my door. How did they get my attention to tell me this? By ringing my doorbell. FML

#20462282
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27002) - you deserved it (2862)

On 01/16/2013 at 7:21am - misc - by pigtails (woman) - United Kingdom (Norfolk)



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