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Sunday 2 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML

#20189885
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18191) - you deserved it (2615)

On 12/03/2012 at 7:38pm - misc - by FlyingFist - United States

Today, I heard a teenage boy ask his friend, "So, is it, like, November in Australia too?" This is the future of America. FML

#20179140
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18074) - you deserved it (1588)

On 11/26/2012 at 12:27am - kids - by toritoratora - United States (California)

Today, a few of my friends and I went laser tagging. I had been smart enough to wear black since I know white glows in the dark. Unfortunately, the dandruff glowing in my hair gave me away. FML

#20180680
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18049) - you deserved it (7663)

On 11/27/2012 at 12:06am - misc - by tarlyo2012 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a presentation in French class. I was so nervous, the first thing I said when I got up there was, "Hola." FML

#20193303
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18028) - you deserved it (3220)

On 12/06/2012 at 12:35am - work - by SpanishInFrenchClass (woman) - United States

Today, I was enjoying a nice bath, when one of my cats jumped up on the rim and started purring. I thought it was sweet, until my other cat ran in and body-slammed the first into the tub with me. Being a conscientious cat owner, I hadn't de-clawed them. FML

#20181270
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17992) - you deserved it (5319)

On 11/27/2012 at 2:52pm - animals - by Neutered (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my dad to pay me as he promised, after I cut the lawn and cleaned all the house windows last week. His response was, "Get fucked." FML

#20188543
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17990) - you deserved it (2401)

On 12/02/2012 at 8:57pm - misc - by :/ (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was woken up by my elderly neighbor banging on my door at 2am. She needed "urgent" assistance as she had forgotten how to turn her TV off. I'd just fallen asleep. FML

#20184989
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17941) - you deserved it (1367)

On 11/30/2012 at 2:29am - misc - by Rachael (woman) - Australia

Today, I came home from the hospital diagnosed with high blood pressure. It's caused by stress. My wife had a very long talk with my son about it. All the kid has been doing for the past 2 hours is scream at his Playstation. I'd rather be at the hospital. FML

#20188739
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17899) - you deserved it (2694)

On 12/02/2012 at 11:03pm - kids - by Nick (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my 5 kids were singing their favorite Christmas carols in the van, each trying to sing louder than the others. It would have probably sounded better if they were all singing the same song. FML

#20183806
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17862) - you deserved it (3633)

On 11/29/2012 at 9:22am - kids - by Dave (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was getting intimate with my current bootycall when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed" "moo-ed" and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML

#20198007
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17837) - you deserved it (5921)

On 12/09/2012 at 5:46pm - intimacy - by Bug5992 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend showed me a print of a Banksy that she'd just bought, telling me it was an original. When I tried to argue that it wasn't, she broke up with me for "implying she was a moron." FML

#20190801
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17767) - you deserved it (2373)

On 12/04/2012 at 11:17am - love - by Single (man) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, one of my work colleagues was staring at my severe sunburn. She wanted to know if she could "peel" me, when my sunburn becomes "ripe", because she loves the sound. She won't take no for an answer, and I work with her everyday this week. FML

#20194217
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17659) - you deserved it (1305)

On 12/06/2012 at 7:19pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I thought it would be nice to park my new car under a big, shady oak tree to prevent it from heating up in the sun. The big, shady oak tree thought it would be nice to shed a massive branch on top of my new car. FML

#20196008
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17655) - you deserved it (3022)

On 12/08/2012 at 4:28am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



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