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Sunday 18 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3-year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML

#20172916
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10271) - you deserved it (25625)

On 11/21/2012 at 8:20pm - kids - by piemasterzim (man) - Canada

Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML

#20175044
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9501) - you deserved it (20319)

On 11/23/2012 at 10:10am - animals - by Jeanna S. - United States

Today, I put on a shirt that said "skilled in every position." My boyfriend took one look and said, "since when?" FML

#20167475
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8893) - you deserved it (24215)

On 11/18/2012 at 12:05am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, this guy I've been dating for a few months freaked out and called his mom crying, because I told him I might be pregnant with his baby. He is 27. I didn't even take a pregnancy test yet. FML

#20171052
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8656) - you deserved it (18364)

On 11/20/2012 at 2:45pm - misc - by babyblues (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom had a tantrum and screamed at me over my use of bronzer. She called me a selfish bitch and claimed that I'm somehow slowly giving myself skin cancer. FML

#20176711
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8451) - you deserved it (9889)

On 11/24/2012 at 2:38pm - health - by Anonymous Cunt (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML

#20170839
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8332) - you deserved it (24739)

On 11/20/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by Brian (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my family was celebrating my grandma's 90th birthday. I pulled a little prank and got candles that keep relighting. After a few blows, my grandma fainted. FML

#20164153
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8219) - you deserved it (39577)

On 11/15/2012 at 9:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, the car in front of me in the drop-off area at my son's school parked, and the driver got out. I basically leaned on my horn and gave her every dirty look in the book. She said nothing but stared at me as she opened the back of her van to unload her child's wheelchair. I'm an asshole. FML

#20172167
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7711) - you deserved it (61694)

On 11/21/2012 at 9:03am - kids - by AHole (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I bought an $80, "invincible" phone case. One test drop later, my phone had turned into an expensive paperweight. FML

#20161826
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7427) - you deserved it (26518)

On 11/13/2012 at 1:24pm - money - by bummed and broke - United States

Today, I called Costco to ask them not to renew my membership because of financial problems. The man on the phone spent 30 minutes telling me why I'm a fool to leave and I ended up with a renewed $55 membership and 25 minutes over my minute allowance. FML

Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML

#20172584
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6912) - you deserved it (31027)

On 11/21/2012 at 4:06pm - misc - by nekkidness (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I took a pregnancy test. When I saw that the result was positive, I started crying and showed my mom. She burst out laughing and told me that I had taken an ovulation test. FML

#20177960
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6875) - you deserved it (28069)

On 11/25/2012 at 10:08am - health - by I'm stupid - United States (Illinois)

Today, I yet again purposely avoided the 'Health and Fitness' section on pinterest to keep my self-esteem up. FML

#20171929
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6719) - you deserved it (13862)

On 11/21/2012 at 1:20am - health - by fatty - Canada (Alberta)



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