Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Sunday 18 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my mom had a tantrum and screamed at me over my use of bronzer. She called me a selfish bitch and claimed that I'm somehow slowly giving myself skin cancer. FML

#20176711
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11923) - you deserved it (14857)

On 11/24/2012 at 2:38pm - health - by Anonymous Cunt (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML

#20175044
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11257) - you deserved it (23559)

On 11/23/2012 at 10:10am - animals - by Jeanna S. - United States

Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3-year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML

#20172916
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11117) - you deserved it (27103)

On 11/21/2012 at 8:20pm - kids - by piemasterzim (man) - Canada

Today, this guy I've been dating for a few months freaked out and called his mom crying, because I told him I might be pregnant with his baby. He is 27. I didn't even take a pregnancy test yet. FML

#20171052
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10906) - you deserved it (26292)

On 11/20/2012 at 2:45pm - misc - by babyblues (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML

#20170839
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9820) - you deserved it (28275)

On 11/20/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by Brian (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I put on a shirt that said "skilled in every position." My boyfriend took one look and said, "since when?" FML

#20167475
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9559) - you deserved it (25676)

On 11/18/2012 at 12:05am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my family was celebrating my grandma's 90th birthday. I pulled a little prank and got candles that keep relighting. After a few blows, my grandma fainted. FML

#20164153
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9169) - you deserved it (42749)

On 11/15/2012 at 9:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, the car in front of me in the drop-off area at my son's school parked, and the driver got out. I basically leaned on my horn and gave her every dirty look in the book. She said nothing but stared at me as she opened the back of her van to unload her child's wheelchair. I'm an asshole. FML

#20172167
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8832) - you deserved it (66575)

On 11/21/2012 at 9:03am - kids - by AHole (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I bought an $80, "invincible" phone case. One test drop later, my phone had turned into an expensive paperweight. FML

#20161826
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8619) - you deserved it (29738)

On 11/13/2012 at 1:24pm - money - by bummed and broke - United States

Today, I took a pregnancy test. When I saw that the result was positive, I started crying and showed my mom. She burst out laughing and told me that I had taken an ovulation test. FML

#20177960
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8372) - you deserved it (32263)

On 11/25/2012 at 10:08am - health - by I'm stupid - United States (Illinois)

Today, I discovered both how much I really talk to myself when I'm drinking alone and how thin the walls of my apartment are. I heard my own slurred voice coming from my neighbor's apartment. They had recorded me and made a mixtape of some of the more interesting things I had said. FML

#20162727
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8199) - you deserved it (18690)

On 11/14/2012 at 1:14am - misc - by talker (man) - United States (California)

Today, I called Costco to ask them not to renew my membership because of financial problems. The man on the phone spent 30 minutes telling me why I'm a fool to leave and I ended up with a renewed $55 membership and 25 minutes over my minute allowance. FML

Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML

#20162223
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7434) - you deserved it (29278)

On 11/13/2012 at 7:43pm - misc - by Z - Australia



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: