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September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. -Mom and Dad." FML

#20874309
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49665) - you deserved it (19876)

On 09/09/2013 at 11:15am - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, after months of patiently waiting, I finally got my roommates out of the house for the night so I could have sex with my boyfriend for the first time without being interrupted. He couldn't get it up. FML

#20864109
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49659) - you deserved it (6301)

On 09/02/2013 at 2:49am - intimacy - by Kiddo (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my pregnant wife was crying, so I let her sit on my lap so I could comfort her. She quickly started laughing in embarrassment as she peed on my leg. FML

#20874571
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49564) - you deserved it (5697)

On 09/09/2013 at 4:16pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my partner walked in the room wearing a sweater from my wardrobe, making jokes about it and saying how ugly it was. That sweater was the last thing my father wore before he passed away. FML

Today, my girlfriend invited me over for the first time. I pulled up to her house just to be denied at the front door by her mum. She'd invited me over to break up with me, but had her mum do it for her. FML

#20876765
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49439) - you deserved it (2855)

On 09/11/2013 at 5:30am - love - by AnonymousLoser (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my mum got engaged to her American pen-pal, who is in prison over there for murder. FML

Today, I started shaking my son's Little Bill doll in frustration, as the batteries weren't working. My nosy neighbor saw through the window and called the cops. They wouldn't believe me and now the whole neighborhood thinks I'm a child abuser. FML

#20892490
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49137) - you deserved it (7053)

On 09/23/2013 at 12:44am - kids - by baddad (man) - United States

Today, my mom was sharing the story of how I was born with the umbilical cord around my neck. My sister added that it was God's first attempt to kill me off. FML

Today, I met my birth mother. My dad won't talk to me, my mom won't stop crying and thinks I'm replacing her, and the rest of my family won't stop calling me a bitch. I'm 21, and I just wanted to meet the woman who pushed me head-first out of her vagina. FML

Today, while working at Subway, I was about to take a guy's order. He quickly held up a hand and asked for someone else to make his sub, because he doesn't like "ugly people" touching his food. FML

#20871412
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48761) - you deserved it (3238)

On 09/07/2013 at 12:59pm - work - by /(•'_'•)\ (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it is. He just paused, turned to look me in the eyes, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML

#20870528
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48718) - you deserved it (17339)

On 09/06/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my best friend confessed to me that she's a lesbian. She quickly added, "Oh, don't worry, I don't like you. You're not attractive." FML

#20871260
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48276) - you deserved it (4050)

On 09/07/2013 at 10:17am - misc - by ...thanks (woman) - United States

Today, I was watching a movie on TV. One of the characters has the same name as my dog, and when his name was called, my dog got so excited that he jumped face-first into my TV. FML

#20876988
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48266) - you deserved it (3820)

On 09/11/2013 at 12:57pm - animals - by ugh Buck! (woman) - United States



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