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September 2013

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Today, I hooked up with the guy I've liked for a while, even though my friends joked that his large pickup truck meant that he was "compensating" for having a small penis. They were right. Very right. FML

by CityBoysNow / 09/10/2013 at 8:14pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, after months of patiently waiting, I finally got my roommates out of the house for the night so I could have sex with my boyfriend for the first time without being interrupted. He couldn't get it up. FML

by Kiddo / 09/02/2013 at 2:49am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I found out the hard way that my boyfriend and mother have been sending each other sexually-explicit picture messages. FML

by Amsterdamned13 / 09/13/2013 at 3:02pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I met my birth mother. My dad won't talk to me, my mom won't stop crying and thinks I'm replacing her, and the rest of my family won't stop calling me a bitch. I'm 21, and I just wanted to meet the woman who pushed me head-first out of her vagina. FML

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

by Anonymous / 09/25/2013 at 5:33pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, my doctor asked me to undo my bra so he could check my breathing without the straps restricting my lungs, I got home and told my friends how awkward it was. Not one of them has had this happen to them before. We all go to the same doctor. FML

by chestycough / 09/16/2013 at 12:35am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, my partner walked in the room wearing a sweater from my wardrobe, making jokes about it and saying how ugly it was. That sweater was the last thing my father wore before he passed away. FML

Today, my dad asked me to stop calling him "dad" because it’s too weird for his girlfriend’s kids to hear, because they call him dad. FML

by meens42 / 09/30/2013 at 4:04am / United States / Kids

Today, my girlfriend invited me over for the first time. I pulled up to her house just to be denied at the front door by her mum. She'd invited me over to break up with me, but had her mum do it for her. FML

by AnonymousLoser / 09/11/2013 at 5:30am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, my mum got engaged to her American pen-pal, who is in prison over there for murder. FML

by Stheno / 09/16/2013 at 8:49am / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was lying naked on my boyfriend's bed for the first time ever. He glanced at me, then started playing with a Rubik's cube. FML

by someone / 09/17/2013 at 12:38pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend is upset with me for not wanting to sext. I can't sext with her because she adds 'lol' to everything which turns me off. FML

by Anonymous / 09/13/2013 at 2:53am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML

by Craigslist is Evil. / 09/24/2013 at 2:12pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy