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July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got to explain to my co-worker again why I can't move my "vacation" so she can take hers when she wants. Apparently, in her mind, her seniority at the company trumps my due date. FML

Today, I asked this really cute girl for her number. I had nothing else on me so I told her to write it on a dollar bill. Later, without thinking, I put it in a vending machine. I freaked out and frantically pushed the return button. It gave me back quarters. FML

Today, I was walking down the street when someone pushed me into poison ivy. He ran off saying, "That's for beating me in the race." I've never been in a race, nor have I ever met him. FML

#20770379
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45071) - you deserved it (3137)

On 07/08/2013 at 11:15am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went on a blind date and we seemed to have hit it off nicely. I asked him if he could drive me home. Along the way he stopped on a pitch-black road and told me to get out so he could take a picture. He then gave me my bag and drove off, leaving me stranded in the middle of nowhere. FML

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she felt that her puppy was lonely while we dated. FML

#20771661
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45016) - you deserved it (3887)

On 07/09/2013 at 12:38am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I placed a Bible app next to an app I use for porn, in the hope that it will encourage me to watch less porn. I'm a girl. FML

Today, I was at another long swim-meet, when my daughter shaved 15 seconds off her record swim time. When I asked her how she did it, she replied, "Well someone told me to swim as fast as I can." She's just been taking her time all these years. FML

#20759731
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44918) - you deserved it (4773)

On 07/02/2013 at 12:25pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Vermont)

Today, I let my 3-year-old daughter watch Finding Nemo on my phone while I made her lunch. I returned to find she had dropped my phone into the fish bowl so that her goldfish could see his friends. FML

#20776430
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44905) - you deserved it (16516)

On 07/11/2013 at 7:13pm - kids - by thanks, Nemo. - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was about to make a left turn. In the turn lane a little old lady was waiting for the light to change. On the back of her car was a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus!" I gave her a honk and waved. She leaned out and yelled, "The light's red, asshole." FML

#20786059
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44879) - you deserved it (13308)

On 07/16/2013 at 9:12am - misc - by TNDriver (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boyfriend convinced me do an Insanity workout with him. I passed out during the warmup. FML

#20776146
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44863) - you deserved it (11544)

On 07/11/2013 at 3:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I had to wake my mom up. While she was naked. On the toilet. FML

Today, I was moving to my new apartment. I left some furniture outside as I drove to dump the first load at my new place. When I got back, everything was gone. Apparently, today is the day the donation truck was coming around to take everything we don't need. FML

#20768180
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44821) - you deserved it (22187)

On 07/07/2013 at 2:35am - misc - by lostmystuff (man) - United States (California)

Today, a man stopped me on the street. He said the stretch marks on my thighs looked like cuts, and asked me if I self-harmed. Before I was able to politely respond "No", he said, "I mean, I can see why you would." FML

#20794407
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44635) - you deserved it (3448)

On 07/20/2013 at 5:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)



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