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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my seven-year-old nephew challenged me to a push up contest in front of my girlfriend. He beat me, and then asked my girlfriend why she's dating a pussy. FML

#20617598
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52624) - you deserved it (21496)

On 04/24/2013 at 12:55am - kids - by BIGCHEIFAAA (man) - United States (California)

Today, in my rush to do my hair and get to work, I managed to trip over my dog, hit my eye on the counter, and sprain my ankle. I arrived at work with a black eye and a painful limp. My boss didn't care, and fired me for showing up late. FML

#20609262
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52543) - you deserved it (6708)

On 04/21/2013 at 1:07am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML

#20624598
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52536) - you deserved it (3313)

On 04/27/2013 at 4:28am - misc - by whathehell (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my little brother gave me an open jar of peanut butter for my birthday. I'm deathly allergic, and he knows it. Despite his maniacal grin and snickering, my parents said it was an innocent mistake, and grounded me for yelling at him. FML

#20625530
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52501) - you deserved it (3341)

On 04/27/2013 at 4:23pm - health - by stuckwithafamilyofcunts (woman) - Spain (Comunidad Valenciana)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is". Orgasm gone. FML

#20583515
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52253) - you deserved it (8360)

On 04/10/2013 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by iwassoclose - United States

Today, I woke up to my brother chopping all my bangs off. When I yelled at him, he could only shout back, "You can see clearly now, the bangs are gone!" FML

#20599244
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52194) - you deserved it (8440)

On 04/17/2013 at 12:13pm - kids - by my dumb bro - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I found out that my daughter has been stuffing my push-up bras and lipstick into her backpack, putting them on at school, and taking them off before she gets home. She's 9. The only reason I found out is because her teacher reported me to social services. FML

#20582376
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52079) - you deserved it (5109)

On 04/09/2013 at 4:42pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my fiancée broke off our engagement. For some bizarre reason, she'd hidden a pair of expensive boots and her iPad underneath our ride-on mower. I turned the mower on and destroyed both without realizing it. According to her, the fault is all mine. FML

#20630400
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52018) - you deserved it (3550)

On 04/29/2013 at 2:07pm - love - by Wow. Really? - United States (Ohio)

Today, nobody wants to hang out with me due to a nasty rumor that my ex has spread. No one will tell me what was said, because I apparently "know full well" what I did. FML

#20624422
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51790) - you deserved it (3741)

On 04/27/2013 at 1:02am - misc - by dabull (man) - United States

Today, it's my 17th birthday. The only person who remembered was the creepy guy in my English class who keeps trying to smell my hair. FML

#20624972
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51767) - you deserved it (3986)

On 04/27/2013 at 11:34am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I told the guy I've liked since we were children that I'm madly in love with him. He replied with, "Aw, I love you too, as a sister." I was speechless. He patted me on the back and said, "Better luck next time." FML

#20603007
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51714) - you deserved it (5979)

On 04/18/2013 at 7:08pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my parents decided to wake me up on my birthday. They flashed the lights and yanked off my bed sheets. I sleep naked. FML

#20627190
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51663) - you deserved it (10638)

On 04/28/2013 at 9:16am - misc - by Beth - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I learned what live maggots in chocolate cake taste like. FML

#20606960
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51601) - you deserved it (7298)

On 04/20/2013 at 6:51am - misc - by MaggotMother (woman) - United States



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