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Today, I had to tell my wife that the new "vegan" diet she has put us on is not working with my body. It's not the horrible gas, hot shits, or constant hunger that made me realize this. It was the dream I had about fried chicken that did. FML

#19134075
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22888) - you deserved it (2807)

On 02/21/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by kohler9790 - United States

Today, in the midst of sleep, my boyfriend hurled my cellphone across the room and into the wall because he couldn't be bothered to pick up or hang up an incoming call. FML

#19395712
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17562) - you deserved it (2807)

On 04/02/2012 at 3:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while using a urinal in a very busy mall bathroom, another man unzipped his pants and attempted to use the same one as me. FML

#20751757
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49235) - you deserved it (2808)

On 06/28/2013 at 1:16am - health - by not cool (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my religious parents were hosting a family dinner. Not only did we have to wait over an hour for my grandma to finally show up, but when she did, she had her 30 year old boytoy in tow. Apparently, "Granny has needs too you know, hahaha!" Goodbye peaceful family. FML

#17471582
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24949) - you deserved it (2806)

On 08/14/2011 at 4:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has secretly been conditioning me to get turned on by the smell of bananas. Guess whose new co-worker peels a nice, fragrant banana five times a day. FML

#20139261
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28910) - you deserved it (2806)

On 10/29/2012 at 8:42pm - intimacy - by SadExperiment (man) - United States (California)

Today, my workplace was having a "prices are down" promotion. I had to wear a badge that said, "Down and staying down" all day, opening myself up to a lot of weirdos winking at me or saying, "Oh yeah, I bet you are". FML

#20878038
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38781) - you deserved it (2806)

On 09/12/2013 at 3:42am - work - by hawkwardd - Australia

Today, I was mentioning to a coworker how there was a huge lull today in business. A young coworker then turns to me and says in a snooty tone, "I think you mean a 'lol', it's pronounced L-O-L." FML

#20953649
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42562) - you deserved it (2806)

On 11/11/2013 at 5:36am - work - by shut up. - New Zealand

Today, I asked a co-worker out for a drink. She said yes, then my older brother who was visiting decided to come behind me and pull down my pants in front of the office. Then she said no. FML

#86812
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43345) - you deserved it (2805)

On 02/20/2009 at 9:12am - love - by robotzzz (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my godmother informed me that the rule of thumb my ex had used for our relationship during a year of cohabitation was taken directly from a Cesar Millan book on "How to train dogs." FML

#7492319
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18568) - you deserved it (2805)

On 01/22/2010 at 1:17am - love - by housebroken (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went over to my friend's house. After knocking on the door, I was greeted by her hairy, 300+ pounds father in his underwear. He then hugged me. FML

#17602503
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28186) - you deserved it (2805)

On 08/28/2011 at 4:27am - misc - by CooBerry3851 - United States (Washington)

Today, at the microbiology lab, I discovered that the guy who took the shift before me didn't sterilize the work space very well. I am now blowing chunks from both ends from a very nasty strain of E. Coli. My company blames me. FML

#18502844
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28876) - you deserved it (2806)

On 12/13/2011 at 12:33pm - work - by microtech - United States (New York)

Today, the Internet wasn't working. One girl decided to try to diagnose the problem. It said to connect the Ethernet cable. She started making fun of the computer for spelling "Internet" wrong. I'm graduating with this idiot in less than a month. FML

#20886445
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41469) - you deserved it (2805)

On 09/18/2013 at 10:57am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, the city shut off the water at my house because my roommate thought that the water bills he had been hoarding were "suggestions." FML

#6118488
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28000) - you deserved it (2804)

On 11/02/2009 at 12:30pm - money - by parched (man) - United States (Indiana)



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