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Today, I discovered that every morning at around 3:00 my dad takes a monumental dump in my bathroom. When I confronted him about it he denied it. He still does it. FML

#17394745
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21817) - you deserved it (3031)

On 08/07/2011 at 4:08am - misc - by fugachumi - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale and has blond hair. She also warned me that if I piss her off she'll go 'berserk' on me. She demonstrated by smacking me in the nuts with a wooden spoon. FML

#20167650
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21702) - you deserved it (3031)

On 11/18/2012 at 2:45am - love - by jasmith - United States (Texas)

Today, after waiting for years for my oldest daughter to grow out of Twilight, my younger daughter discovered it. FML

#21281374
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32202) - you deserved it (3031)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:20pm - kids - by team hit bella with a car (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML

#79769
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58073) - you deserved it (3030)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:52pm - love - by killmenow (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML

#5724132
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42070) - you deserved it (3030)

On 10/08/2009 at 5:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, while putting on makeup, I got a face full of bloody scratches instead of an even skin tone. Turns out my makeup sponge was full of bits of glass. My little brother forgot to tell me he shattered a mirror beside my makeup box. FML

#6316849
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32947) - you deserved it (3030)

On 11/15/2009 at 8:46pm - kids - by redisnotmycolor (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, the tree that my neighbors have neglected to cut down fell on my car. They claim that by law, they aren't responsible and don't have to pay for it. FML

#16003860
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34244) - you deserved it (3030)

On 05/01/2011 at 12:31pm - money - by me - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML

#18069827
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29088) - you deserved it (3030)

On 10/25/2011 at 1:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I walked in on my son teabagging his sister over a video game. FML

#20156633
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23636) - you deserved it (3030)

On 11/09/2012 at 7:30pm - kids - by john r.t. (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mother thinks I'm a loser and a scumbag. We haven't even met yet. FML

#16807488
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28101) - you deserved it (3029)

On 06/22/2011 at 11:00pm - love - by arekusa - United States (New York)

Today, one of my neighbors dressed up in the exact same costume as me. Every house I go to refuses to give me candy because my neighbor has already been there. FML

#18123545
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29137) - you deserved it (3029)

On 10/31/2011 at 8:36pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my dog wanted to go upstairs, but she has stitches and was having trouble. So I carried her to the top, at which point she peed all over my carpet. FML

#19211891
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19772) - you deserved it (3029)

On 03/04/2012 at 12:51am - animals - by raven_teen_titan - United States (California)

Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML

#20984974
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36257) - you deserved it (3029)

On 12/08/2013 at 1:00pm - misc - by FML (woman) - Puerto Rico



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