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Today, I ran into my shitlord of an ex at the store. He took one look at me, yelled "You cheating bitch!" in a wounded voice, then walked away, fake-crying. I got so many dirty looks. The worst part is that I dumped him last month for cheating on me with my "best friend." FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2013 at 5:18pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard back from a company that I recently interviewed with. They told me I didn't get the job because "it was obvious that I had been coached." I wasn't. Sorry that I actually researched the company unlike the rest of the nit-wit candidates. FML

by jobless / 07/09/2014 at 1:02am / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, I got fired from my job because I closed the store 84 seconds early. They found out because the state manager was sitting across the street with binoculars watching me. FML

by unemployed-dude / 12/08/2015 at 1:17am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, I was hanging out with my ex's new girlfriend. I found out he was dating us both at the same time and was comparing between us. That is why he broke up with me two years ago and is still with her ever since. FML

by fml333 / 12/21/2009 at 2:26pm / Saudi Arabia / Miscellaneous

Today, I got fired from my job at a weight-loss center because I was too skinny, and apparently it's too depressing for the customers to handle. FML

by jingle / 05/25/2012 at 7:18am / United States (Delaware) / Work

Today, my crazy ex-girlfriend legally changed her last name to mine. I'm getting married in a week. FML

by anonymous / 12/09/2013 at 10:10am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, a guy told me that I look like Angelina Jolie. Before I could thank him, he continued, "I mean like in the chest area. After the mastectomy, you know?" FML

by fleatitting fame / 07/04/2014 at 5:30pm / Norway (Oslo) / Love

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to scare me by tilting the portable street toilets while I was taking a dump in one of them. One of my friends accidentally rocked it too hard and it fell on the floor. They wouldn't even let me sit in the car after because I had shit all over me. FML

by dontevenassk / 06/12/2009 at 12:44am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the beach with my parents. They were walking hand in hand, when they spotted a crab. My Dad turned to my Mum and said "Oh, must've crawled out of my pubes!" they both laughed and kissed. I don't think they realized I was within hearing distance. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2010 at 9:12am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I confirmed that my neighbors burn their garbage in their backyard. How? My dog just threw up a nice smelly consistency of spaghetti, plastic and cigarette butts on my carpet. FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2011 at 3:36am / United States / Animals

Today, the job search agency that I use asked me to stop sending in my resume, as no one had hired me in three years, and that the situation was unlikely to change. FML

by crushed / 09/29/2011 at 10:32am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, my boyfriend and I were discussing sports injuries, and I mentioned that I pulled a muscle in my crotch last year. He snorted and called me a clueless idiot because according to him, "girls don't have crotches". He's a med student. I sense malpractice lawsuits in our future. FML

by fucking financial ruin / 08/23/2013 at 2:21pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, my new deodorant caused an allergic reaction, covering my armpits in a painful rash. I've had to awkwardly waddle around all day with my arms splayed outwards to get any relief. One customer at work sarcastically mentioned that it's nice that they're hiring penguins these days. FML

by _/ | \_ / 10/06/2013 at 1:40pm / Singapore / Health