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Today, my daughter found out what happens when my husband watches Mythbusters and doesn't heed the disclaimer to "Not try this at home." He feels bad about her cut face, but says he's proud he can throw a playing card that hard. FML

Today, I left for work. Halfway to my car, my neighbour's son jumped out and emptied a bucket of water all over me. The little pissant screamed with laughter and ran back to his house. His mum's reaction was essentially "kids will be kids" and slamming the door on me. FML

#21074103
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41243) - you deserved it (3364)

On 02/28/2014 at 3:01pm - kids - by HeMayHaveSomeIssues (man) - Denmark

Today, after weeks of oral pain and hundreds of dollars in dentistry fees, we found the culprit: a popcorn kernel that floss was unable to remove. FML

Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML

#21432853
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25992) - you deserved it (3364)

On 06/27/2015 at 2:37pm - love - by stillhungry - United States (California)

Today, I went to a huge rock concert. While waiting in a half a mile long line to get in, I passed out due to the heat. I regained consciousness to hear about a hundred people yelling and trying to help me. My boyfriend, who I went with, was not one of them. FML

#4193534
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44173) - you deserved it (3363)

On 07/31/2009 at 10:35pm - health - by passedoutpolly (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to break up a fistfight between my wife and mother. Apparently, my mom heard that I finally got the great paying job of my dreams, and told my wife I'd finally kick her "useless ass to the curb." We have to spend the holidays together. FML

#18056102
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27961) - you deserved it (3363)

On 10/23/2011 at 5:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I found Jesus. The bad news, he was in the form of a concrete statue falling on my car. FML

#18316439
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35824) - you deserved it (3363)

On 11/22/2011 at 12:18pm - misc - by religionbites621 - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I had my first orgasm. I also came to the realization that whenever I orgasm I get an uncontrollable case of hiccups for at least half an hour afterwards. FML

#20145633
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30255) - you deserved it (3363)

On 11/03/2012 at 11:52am - intimacy - by hiccups - United States (New York)

Today, it was my birthday, and my boyfriend got surgery on his gallbladder because he had big gallstones. After they were removed, he was still a little out of it from the morphine. He gave the gallstones to me for my birthday. Better still, his mom suggested I make a necklace out of them. FML

#3603411
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48669) - you deserved it (3362)

On 07/09/2009 at 3:02am - love - by gallstones (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my family took me to a wig store saying I wouldn't feel so insecure about being bald because of my chemo treatments. When I told them I accepted myself and didn't want a wig, they came out and told me THEY couldn't accept it. My own family is embarrassed of me over something I can't control. FML

#4177051
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91939) - you deserved it (3363)

On 07/31/2009 at 5:35am - misc - by Betrayed (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, after spending a few minutes de-icing my car and leaving the heat on so it would warm up, I slipped as I was entering the car and hit my head on the door, causing it to close and lock. I'm waiting for my mom who has a spare key to come and unlock it. Class started ten minutes ago. FML

#7613862
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22685) - you deserved it (3362)

On 01/27/2010 at 3:03pm - misc - by katie - Sent from mobile version

Today, I got home early from work. When I got home I got to see my dad chasing my mom around the house, naked. FML

#9015230
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31466) - you deserved it (3362)

On 03/12/2010 at 1:05am - misc - by ugh - United States

Today, my dad demonstrated just how incredibly illiterate he is. He sent me a chain email about the awful lives of people with "Asparagus syndrome". FML

#16078669
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25248) - you deserved it (3362)

On 05/07/2011 at 1:38pm - misc - by K. - United States (Florida)



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