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Today, I was supposed to be studying for an important exam. My parents decided to make me go to a surprise birthday party instead. We weren't allowed to leave until the party was over. The party was for the dog. FML

#21073158
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40162) - you deserved it (3367)

On 02/27/2014 at 1:30pm - animals - by SchoolFMLs (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML

#2173533
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62475) - you deserved it (3365)

On 05/22/2009 at 4:18am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was walking at a section of the zoo where you are in the cage, and the monkeys are climbing outside of the cage. I was having a great time until I looked up and one of the monkeys urinated all over my face. Not only did everyone see, but there was no way for me to shower for six hours. FML

#4407922
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43342) - you deserved it (3365)

On 08/09/2009 at 1:41pm - misc - by foojew93 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth out. My mom didn't get my prescription for painkillers because she thought I'd get addicted. FML

#12188597
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45761) - you deserved it (3365)

On 07/29/2010 at 3:10pm - health - by Richmond24 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend admitted that on his last visit, he snuck into the laundry and stole a lacy black thong he assumed was mine. It wasn't. It was my dad's. FML

#17380404
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34911) - you deserved it (3365)

On 08/05/2011 at 6:57pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I have pink eye in both eyes, the stomach virus, and a cold. I'm also sitting at work because my boss "doesn't believe in sick days." FML

#20735203
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52068) - you deserved it (3365)

On 06/19/2013 at 1:23pm - health - by sicksicksick - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a customer pulled a knife on me after I informed him that we'd run out of avocados to put on his pizza. FML

#20815101
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46680) - you deserved it (3365)

On 08/01/2013 at 11:18am - work - by are these people even HUMAN? (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. Out of nowhere, a huge, apparently suicidal bird dove into the windshield, putting a crack in it. My father yelled at me as if it was my fault, and is demanding I pay for the repairs. FML

#21110397
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40674) - you deserved it (3365)

On 04/11/2014 at 4:07pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland

Today, while waiting for the start of a concert, the man behind me decided to pee into a cup. Then the cup tipped over and drained all down my leg. FML

Today, I caught my little sister taking a selfie in the mirror with a fake nose piercing, peace sign, and a duck face. She's 12. FML

#21251377
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38118) - you deserved it (3365)

On 09/03/2014 at 7:35pm - kids - by MusicLover18 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while cleaning up, I dropped a box of thumbtacks, spilling them all over the floor. As I fumbled to pick them up, the power went out. FML

#5589145
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44949) - you deserved it (3364)

On 10/01/2009 at 6:31pm - misc - by Ouchies (woman) - United States (Florida) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, I got invited out by friends for coffee after I broke up with my boyfriend. When I told my mom where I was going, she looked at me and said, "But you don't have friends. All your friends are pixels. Where are you really going?" FML

#6578691
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27823) - you deserved it (3364)

On 12/03/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by friendless (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was snowboarding when a skier cut me off, resulting in me colliding with a 12 year old girl. The girl was totally fine, and I was alright except for a slight nose bleed. I apologized to the girl, then her mom hit me over the back with a ski pole as I snowboarded away. FML

#16410234
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31141) - you deserved it (3364)

On 05/29/2011 at 11:27pm - misc - by kerdersty - Canada



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Thursday 22 January 2015

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