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Today, after 5 years of no intimate, sexual contact with a woman, I finally got my chance. Unfortunately, I also discovered that I have full-on erectile dysfunction. I'm 23 years old. FML

#18491546
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40108) - you deserved it (3882)

On 12/12/2011 at 1:23am - intimacy - by brokedick (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I figured out how my birth control works. If you're on your period for four months straight you can't have sex, so you won't be pregnant. FML

#21351947
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36026) - you deserved it (3882)

On 02/08/2015 at 5:26am - health - by irwingiggles (woman) - Netherlands

Today, I told my college friend that I considered her to be my best friend. She responded, "I don't think you should call me that." FML

#84987
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38473) - you deserved it (3881)

On 02/20/2009 at 12:25am - misc - by Oh dear... (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I listened as my ridiculously wealthy friend excitedly rambled on and on about her latest shopping trip. This is the same friend who owes me £150, and accused me of being insensitive for asking her to repay it at some point. FML

#17928398
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30739) - you deserved it (3881)

On 10/07/2011 at 3:02pm - money - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)

Today, while using the restroom at McDonald's, a hand reached under my stall and took the remaining toilet paper. FML

#17307885
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38985) - you deserved it (3881)

On 07/30/2011 at 10:07am - misc - by ewww - United States (New Jersey)

Today, proving that there's no limit to the stupid shit people will do, my husband called me from hospital, needing a lift home. He tried planking on top of his car while his buddies sped it down a hill, and I now have to take care of him while his broken leg heals. FML

#20428520
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30979) - you deserved it (3881)

On 12/28/2012 at 7:50pm - misc - by say dump him and i'll kill you (woman) - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)

Today, my little brother was feeling like the god damned bratty douchebag he is and hurled a basketball at me. It missed, hit the wall, and rebounded straight into his face. He burst into tears, and I'm now grounded because my parents believed him when he said I threw it at him. FML

#21107739
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51739) - you deserved it (3881)

On 04/08/2014 at 4:13pm - kids - by vreenya (woman) - Chile (Region Metropolitana)

Today, I discovered that my new landlords must meet and approve guests of mine before they come over, and guests are not allowed when they aren't home or past 11pm. I'm 25 years old and just moved out of my parents' home to get away from my controlling mother. FML

#18840914
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29845) - you deserved it (3880)

On 01/18/2012 at 12:06am - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, I was debating with my now ex-boyfriend over the ethics of using torture in interrogations of suspected criminals. It took just ten minutes before he freely admitted that he'd have no problem "torturing the shit" out of me if he even suspected I was seeing another man. FML

#20015148
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24123) - you deserved it (3880)

On 08/11/2012 at 12:38pm - love - by what the actual fuck (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got back to work. Last week, my divorce was finalized and my last name is, once again, my maiden name. Since I'm a teacher, all my students will remember me by my ex-husband's last name. I get to be reminded every day that my marriage failed until everyone memorizes my maiden name. FML

#20059793
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26253) - you deserved it (3880)

On 09/05/2012 at 11:27pm - work - by divorcee - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I once again had to tell one of my elderly patients not to grope me. He responded by throwing his bedpan at me. It was full. FML

#21130965
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45623) - you deserved it (3880)

On 05/04/2014 at 10:58pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I developed the disposable camera pictures from my family's trip to Disney World. I noticed that in the pictures I took of them in front of the big castle at Magic Kingdom, my wife and son were standing a few feet away from a man who was touching himself. FML

#688806
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62439) - you deserved it (3879)

On 03/29/2009 at 8:39pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I quit my job after two years. Now I have my crazy boss sitting out in front of my house, telling me she wants to work things out. She has been there all day. FML

#4255105
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48599) - you deserved it (3879)

On 08/03/2009 at 1:16pm - work - by Azcrazy (man) - United States



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

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Friday 5 February 2016

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