Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time
Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12739) - you totally deserved it (237867)
On 02/28/2009 at 2:07pm - work - by ihavepinkbackpac (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I babysat 3 year old twins. They have a huge dry erase board hanging inbetween their beds. After they fell asleep I drew a very detailed and large drawing of a penis. When I went to erase it I realized it was in Sharpie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19852) - you totally deserved it (225656)
On 03/15/2009 at 1:47pm - kids - by babysitter (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I thought it would be funny to fart in my roommates mouth while he was asleep. I walked over to him and pulled my pyjamas down and let loose. To my surprise it was a very wet one and I accidently took a dump on his face, he woke up and beat me until I was bleeding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14230) - you totally deserved it (222104)
On 04/18/2009 at 1:09am - health - by dumptaker (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I sent my girlfriend of 4 years a text message saying, 'I love you more than anything.' She then replies, 'Hahah! Was that a F*ing joke?' I reply, 'No, why would it be?' She then replied, 'Cause I'm talking to the girl you've been cheating with me on for five months.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (8024) - you totally deserved it (197079)
On 04/05/2009 at 9:07pm - misc - by kcus - United States (Texas)
Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (12126) - you totally deserved it (196150)
On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, the guy I like asked to me the upcoming dance. I immediately rejected him, assuming that it was just a joke between him and his friends. With a dejected face, he walked away, and I saw him throw something in the trash can. It was a rose, for me. He wasn't joking. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18295) - you totally deserved it (184614)
On 03/18/2009 at 1:35am - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole. I got it." in plain english. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11811) - you totally deserved it (167369)
On 03/26/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Tourist (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me, so I decided to be bitchy about it and say "Did I say you could take a picture?" and he replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids." I turn around, and they were right behind me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9137) - you totally deserved it (165006)
On 03/02/2009 at 4:33pm - misc - by PicturePerfect (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the store. Turns out she didn't, she's the manager. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6401) - you totally deserved it (162493)
On 04/06/2009 at 8:41pm - misc - by blovesg (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5793) - you totally deserved it (161501)
On 06/11/2009 at 12:06pm - misc - by I_Am_The_Edge (man) - United States (California)
Today, while I was walking downtown a homeless person asked me for a dollar. I thought it would be funny to wave the dollar in his face and taunt him. I guess he thought it would be funny to stab me in the leg with a pencil. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3677) - you totally deserved it (149174)
On 08/06/2009 at 9:35am - misc - by who_could_it_be - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I woke up a little after seven. I felt sick to my stomach because last night was my bachelor party and I drank more than I ever have before. I checked my phone, and I had received 42 missed calls. It was seven o'clock pm. Today was my wedding day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38504) - you totally deserved it (135179)
On 04/03/2009 at 12:19am - love - by kenken2 (man) - United States (California)
Today, my mom came to me and asked if I had drank her wine. I'm 16, so I lied and said "no". The next morning there was a DVD on my bed labeled "pool house security cameras - love mom." It was a video of me downing two bottles of red wine and having it off with my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25104) - you totally deserved it (128285)
On 03/12/2009 at 4:08pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Connecticut)
