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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML

#161178 (1024)

I agree, your life sucks (44453) - you deserved it (517274)

On 02/28/2009 at 2:07pm - misc - by ihavepinkbackpac (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML

#2799622 (1287)

I agree, your life sucks (32818) - you deserved it (488098)

On 06/11/2009 at 12:06pm - misc - by I_Am_The_Edge (man) - United States (California)

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML

#503348 (861)

I agree, your life sucks (37604) - you deserved it (430728)

On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

#253938 (1736)

I agree, your life sucks (372544) - you deserved it (412522)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML

#618013 (863)

I agree, your life sucks (45349) - you deserved it (372409)

On 03/26/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Tourist (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me. I got bitchy about it, and said "Did I say you could take a picture?" He replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids." I turned around, and they were right behind me. FML

#185328 (467)

I agree, your life sucks (28727) - you deserved it (338914)

On 03/02/2009 at 4:33pm - misc - by PicturePerfect (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband found the box my morning after pill came in. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago. FML

#18272 (113)

I agree, your life sucks (22074) - you deserved it (299239)

On 02/09/2009 at 7:46pm - intimacy - by apricot (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the store. Turns out she didn't, she's the manager. FML

#843065 (627)

I agree, your life sucks (17422) - you deserved it (293676)

On 04/06/2009 at 8:41pm - misc - by blovesg (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while I was walking downtown a homeless person asked me for a dollar. I thought it would be funny to wave the dollar in his face and taunt him. I guess he thought it would be funny to stab me in the leg with a pencil. FML

#4331370 (841)

I agree, your life sucks (1182) - you deserved it (285777)

On 08/06/2009 at 9:35am - misc - by who_could_it_be - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you, -Mom." FML

#142104 (1027)

I agree, your life sucks (50470) - you deserved it (283455)

On 02/26/2009 at 10:30am - work - by Noname - United States (Michigan)

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

#361047 (1077)

I agree, your life sucks (413920) - you deserved it (248320)

On 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by KAAALIS (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML

#2688793 (500)

I agree, your life sucks (25459) - you deserved it (232418)

On 06/07/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

#279733 (542)

I agree, your life sucks (35935) - you deserved it (225307)

On 03/12/2009 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)



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