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Monday 10 March 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I finally gave in to my long-distance boyfriend's requests and texted him dirty things. Any time I would send him something, he would reply, "What?" or "What do you mean?" Either I'm not doing this right, or I'm in a relationship with the most innocent person ever. FML

#21086172
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51158) - you deserved it (7142)

On 03/14/2014 at 12:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to appear in court. My boyfriend gave me a chocolate to eat for comfort. The quote on the wrapper read "Today, you are exactly where you should be." FML

#21089044
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39485) - you deserved it (6299)

On 03/17/2014 at 2:18pm - misc - by NotInTheRightPlace (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to explain to my neighbours that I wasn't "watching porn" earlier, and that I was honestly just watching an episode of Game of Thrones. FML

Today, I had the cops called on me for acting suspiciously. I was using a payphone. FML

#21086220
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42990) - you deserved it (3884)

On 03/14/2014 at 1:07am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was babysitting my nephew and we decided to color together. He drew a picture of someone who looked dead, almost zombie-like, while everyone else looked pretty normal. When I asked who it was, he said in a serious, scary voice, "It's you." FML

#21088838
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38471) - you deserved it (3964)

On 03/17/2014 at 5:51am - kids - by BondingTime - United States (Minnesota)

Today, we had a surprise party for my boss. Someone turned out all the lights. I was so scared of the dark, the first thing my boss saw when he walked in was all my co-workers watching me scream, "TURN IT ON!" FML

#21083937
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35465) - you deserved it (16216)

On 03/11/2014 at 11:47am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, my sister brought me coffee to my office. It was really nice so I made a status about it on Facebook. My boyfriend texted me soon after, freaking out because I never put anything on Facebook about him and how great he is. I'm basically dating a 14-year-old girl. FML

#21084209
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42820) - you deserved it (6972)

On 03/11/2014 at 6:27pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out that my unemployed husband has his own web-comic, that he makes money off it, and that it mainly involves the main character's airhead, money-grubbing wife ruining his life. She looks strikingly like me and shares my name. FML

#21088136
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42771) - you deserved it (6836)

On 03/16/2014 at 1:53pm - love - by cumbucket cops (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went on a date. As I hugged him, I felt tingles. As a big believer in clichés, I thought it was the tingles of falling in love. Turns out, it was my allergic reaction to his cologne. I now look like I burned my face. FML

#21087087
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44326) - you deserved it (5146)

On 03/15/2014 at 3:35am - love - by Burning Love - United States (Arizona)

Today, an elderly man had to give me money to pay for my grocery bill because my sister broke down crying in the store as I didn't have enough money to pay for both her milkshake and cookies. She's 19. FML

#21088268
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42183) - you deserved it (4472)

On 03/16/2014 at 4:10pm - money - by skyeraven (woman) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I was sad, but the only thing my mom could say was, "You should have waited until I got him to mow the lawn." FML

#21083870
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42149) - you deserved it (6110)

On 03/11/2014 at 9:04am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Israel

Today, I marched in the St. Patrick's day parade. My horn has an inconveniently-placed spit valve that has to be drained frequently. At the end, I discovered every time I emptied it, it would spray all over the front of my pants. I marched an entire parade looking like I pissed my pants. FML

#21089223
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36379) - you deserved it (5264)

On 03/17/2014 at 5:48pm - misc - by Bandking (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, the heater went out at work. I was shivering so hard that someone thought I was having a seizure. FML

#21083045
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41964) - you deserved it (3913)

On 03/10/2014 at 10:23am - work - by Frozen (man) - United States



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