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Wednesday 22 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had to go with my mom to the gynecologist to translate due to her broken English. As we were filling out papers and answering questions, the doctor asked some very personal questions. I now know everything about my mom's sex life. FML

#20678467
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58326) - you deserved it (6142)

On 05/21/2013 at 8:10pm - intimacy - by knowtoomuch - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was stuck home with a cold when my boyfriend's best friend sent me a text saying, "You doing alright?" I replied, thinking he was talking about my health. He replied, "I'm surprised you're taking the breakup so well." What breakup? Mine. He was ten minutes too soon. FML

#20690777
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53838) - you deserved it (3007)

On 05/28/2013 at 4:09am - love - by really? (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a few freshmen jumped my fence. They decided to take a dip in the pool, so I pulled out a paintball gun. I unloaded over 100 rounds, painting their backs bright yellow. It also dyed my pool yellow, and it'll apparently cost around $500 to repair. FML

#20691900
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29326) - you deserved it (53325)

On 05/28/2013 at 8:48pm - money - by pool party - United States (Illinois)

Today, due to my allergies I can't stop sneezing. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for my hemorrhoids making each sneeze feel like I'm getting a cactus shoved up my ass. FML

#20679212
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38092) - you deserved it (3433)

On 05/22/2013 at 1:38am - health - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I realized my family is the textbook definition of redneck after listening to my grandpa threaten to smash with an excavator the trailer that my uncle lives in behind our house if he didn't return the set of tires he had stolen and pawned from my grandpa's garage. FML

#20683275
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34754) - you deserved it (3270)

On 05/24/2013 at 3:06am - misc - by redneckfamily - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to eat up a few specks of toilet paper to avoid spoiling "the moment" with my girlfriend. FML

#20692661
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63480) - you deserved it (13978)

On 05/29/2013 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my 6-year-old son spotted a bumper sticker that said, "Get any closer and I'll fart." He thought this was so hilarious that he had to repeat it to everyone he met. Including my doctor, my grandma, and my boss at "bring your kid to work day." FML

#20682342
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36445) - you deserved it (4803)

On 05/23/2013 at 6:48pm - kids - by Mary (woman) - United States

Today, my parents told me they're glad I'm an "ugly nerd" because they don't have to worry about me getting into trouble or having a teen pregnancy. FML

#20686197
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47547) - you deserved it (4139)

On 05/25/2013 at 8:45pm - misc - by uglynerd (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I waxed my upper lip hair. My boyfriend later told me that he missed my mustache rubbing onto his. FML

#20689895
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45901) - you deserved it (5510)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:10pm - love - by mustache girl - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I listened to my elderly bachelor neighbor moan, "Oh, kitty, kitty, kitty! Oh kitty!" for over half-an-hour before he wandered out on his balcony in wet, tight white underwear to water his plant. This is the fifth time this week, and I still don't know what on earth he's doing. FML

#20675279
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39161) - you deserved it (2962)

On 05/20/2013 at 11:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I got a new cat. It was fine for a couple of hours until it gave birth in my kitchen. The seller claims to have no idea that it was pregnant. Now I have to take care of 7 cats instead of 2. FML

#20676137
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37593) - you deserved it (6083)

On 05/20/2013 at 7:23pm - animals - by catcraze - United States (Colorado)

Today, I helped an elderly woman carry her suitcase down a flight of stairs. When I got to the bottom, a man tackled me to the ground thinking I was stealing the woman's luggage. As I lay in pain, he ran up the stairs to return the suitcase and the poor woman had to carry it down on her own. FML

#20686906
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52938) - you deserved it (2839)

On 05/26/2013 at 5:19am - misc - by gooddeedgonebad (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, on my way home on my motorbike from a great party in the early hours of the morning, I was feeling pretty good about myself. Riding over a hill, I yawned in anticipation of climbing into bed. A huge winged bastard insect thing then flew straight into my throat. FML

#20689016
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44526) - you deserved it (8325)

On 05/27/2013 at 9:42am - animals - by Nearly Crashed (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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