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Monday 28 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was moving into my new apartment. The previous owner had refused to move out until today, and when I got there, I realized I didn't have a key. I was about to call him when I found out I didn't need to; he took the door. FML

#20486186
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27362) - you deserved it (1856)

On 01/30/2013 at 12:25pm - misc - by jeoak - India

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend if she thinks I have a big package. She replied that she didn't want to upset me and get into another fight. FML

#20485057
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25026) - you deserved it (36258)

On 01/29/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by notsobig - United States

Today, my dad and his new wife got their wedding pictures done. Out of over 150 pictures, I was only in one. The family dog was in all of them. In the one picture of me, I was holding the dog's leash while he took a dump. FML

#20486408
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35860) - you deserved it (2539)

On 01/30/2013 at 4:05pm - animals - by puppydrama - United States

Today, I told my parents that what I'd really like for my 21st birthday is the 1865 edition of the Memoirs of Saint-Simon in 22 volumes that I found online for $200, and have been wanting for months. They laughed and said, "Yeah, right. We'll get you an iPhone and perhaps you'll become normal." FML

#20488681
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32597) - you deserved it (8886)

On 02/01/2013 at 4:19am - misc - by HistoryFreak (woman) - France

Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML

#20491476
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39907) - you deserved it (4878)

On 02/03/2013 at 11:27am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Serbia

Today, the guy that I've liked for a while but never had the courage to talk to was wearing a TARDIS shirt. I jokingly asked, "Are you the Doctor?" His response was for me to "Go away, f***ing nerd." FML

#20492128
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32897) - you deserved it (4013)

On 02/03/2013 at 9:16pm - love - by guessnot (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I spent most of my daughter's 8th birthday with her in the hospital while her broken arm was put in a cast. Apparently, my son had told her that some people gained the ability to fly on their 8th birthday before encouraging her to find out by jumping off the slippery slide. FML

#20486554
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23876) - you deserved it (2030)

On 01/30/2013 at 5:50pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out that my roommate has been switching my protein powder with chocolate milk mix and brown sugar. Since I work out frequently, I've been consuming large amounts of this and have gained at least 10 pounds of fat. His reason? I turned his bookbag inside out. Once. FML

#20485077
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30447) - you deserved it (8301)

On 01/29/2013 at 5:56pm - health - by fatty milkshakes - United States

Today, after weeks of practice, I proudly did 9 chin-ups on my chin-up bar. As soon as I was done, my 11-year-old daughter came over and banged out 12 of them. Then she wiped her sweaty hands off and did 8 more. Then she gave me pointers on my technique. FML

#20493569
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30481) - you deserved it (6673)

On 02/04/2013 at 8:00pm - health - by WeakerThanaLittleGirl (man) - United States

Today, during a date, I discovered that if I cough with my mouth closed, snot will spray from my nose all over the place like some kind of mucus cannon. FML

#20484952
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28776) - you deserved it (6284)

On 01/29/2013 at 4:23pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML

#20484025
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7830) - you deserved it (40911)

On 01/28/2013 at 11:23pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend gave me the most beautiful diamond ring I have ever seen. As I excitedly put it on my finger, he told me it wasn't an engagement ring, but I should wear it like one to keep other men away and seem "unapproachable". FML

#20488292
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31574) - you deserved it (4091)

On 01/31/2013 at 10:35pm - love - by whatsername92 (woman) - United States

Today, my mom accused me of stealing money from her purse. Being totally innocent, I reminded her that the only other person with access to it is her boyfriend. She said she trusts him because she loves him. They've been dating for 2 months. I've been her daughter for 25 years. FML

#20491987
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38837) - you deserved it (2146)

On 02/03/2013 at 7:26pm - money - by :/ (woman) - Netherlands (Gelderland)



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