Tuesday 11 December 2012 
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Today, my boyfriend grabbed my boob, shook it savagely, and shouted "Earthquake!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (25391) - you deserved it (6396)
On 12/17/2012 at 6:12pm - misc - by Ape (woman) - United States
Today, my daughter had the words "Always classy, never trashy" tattooed across her lower back in crappy cursive lettering. She doesn't understand the irony. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23547) - you deserved it (2128)
On 12/15/2012 at 3:08am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I came home to find my husband and our 4-year-old son simultaneously peeing off the second-floor balcony. My husband was giggling like a little girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24940) - you deserved it (4514)
On 12/17/2012 at 11:21am - kids - by Bonding_boys (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, my dog did something I had no idea he could do. He participated in an all-male three-way at the dog park. In front of everyone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15567) - you deserved it (1482)
On 12/10/2012 at 7:04pm - animals - by MoreActionThanMe - United States
Today, my boyfriend was dropping me off home and we were still in the car. When I went in to give him a hug, my hand hit his shoulder and I dropped my phone at his feet. Just as I pulled back up with it, my dad was staring at us from outside. He still appears to think I was giving him head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24426) - you deserved it (2035)
On 12/11/2012 at 2:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24929) - you deserved it (9323)
On 12/17/2012 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, it's been 13 months since I've been living in the States. I've been called a Nazi, asked if we have electricity in Germany, and been made fun of the way I speak with my "German accent", the list goes on. I'm not even German, I'm Danish. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31104) - you deserved it (1603)
On 12/12/2012 at 1:45am - kids - by LearnGeographyUSA (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26330) - you deserved it (7161)
On 12/14/2012 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by sucks at sucking (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)
Today, I smiled at a new kid and started a conversation with him, just to be nice. He later sent me 24 messages describing how strong his love for me is. I'm scared to go to school tomorrow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23184) - you deserved it (2277)
On 12/11/2012 at 3:39am - love - by you're just creepy. - Canada (Yukon Territory)
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when he suddenly grabbed my front. He said, in a sexy voice, "Is that your boob?". He had grabbed a fat roll. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24626) - you deserved it (16486)
On 12/14/2012 at 8:45am - intimacy - by ToughTitties (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)
Today, I spent nearly half an hour trying to dispel my sister's belief that men have to strap down their penises before going jogging. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18893) - you deserved it (2166)
On 12/16/2012 at 6:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland (Waterford)
Today, I ran into my infant daughter's room because I thought I heard her crying, and found she was still sound asleep in her crib. The screams were coming from the mouse our cat was using to paint her bedroom walls. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21503) - you deserved it (1671)
On 12/15/2012 at 10:55am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, after my girlfriend has recently become obsessed with the serial-killer show, Dexter, she has grown an interest in cutting up pomegranates in many different ways and squirting the red, blood-like juice everywhere. I am now afraid to argue with her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20824) - you deserved it (2457)
On 12/15/2012 at 7:33am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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