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Tuesday 4 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my elbow was having cramps and movement issues as a result of an old set of surgical pins and wires that are being rejected by my body. One painful twitch caused my arm to lock out straight, unintentionally slapping my hand into my co-worker's crotch. Our waiting customers giggled. FML

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years drunkenly introduced me to another very special lady. His wife. FML

#20197502
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34005) - you deserved it (3332)

On 12/09/2012 at 9:53am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, feeling very distant to my daughter recently, I decided to sneak a peek in her diary to see what was on her mind. The book was apparently one of those that play the sound of a woman screaming when opened improperly, and alerted everyone in the house to my actions. FML

#20196447
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5226) - you deserved it (54628)

On 12/08/2012 at 2:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I jokingly tried to convince my girlfriend that Wyoming was a government conspiracy and did not exist. She believed me. FML

#20193447
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21159) - you deserved it (5603)

On 12/06/2012 at 3:24am - misc - by whaleninjapoop - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I started a new job. I'm now trapped in a small office with a woman who says, "Oh my gravy!" constantly. In response to everything. FML

#20201125
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21540) - you deserved it (1830)

On 12/11/2012 at 9:53pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was chatting to a friend on Facebook about girls, and why we're single. We somehow ended up admitting to one another that we'd never get girlfriends, finding out that we both like hentai porn, and trading info on Japanese sex toys. FML

#20196663
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9564) - you deserved it (29905)

On 12/08/2012 at 5:52pm - love - by XxtentaculonxX - United Kingdom (Argyll and Bute)

Today, I walked out of my apartment to see that someone had climbed onto the hood of my car and taken a shit on my windshield. I only moved in a couple of weeks ago. FML

#20189050
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22693) - you deserved it (1599)

On 12/03/2012 at 2:36am - misc - by poopsthegame - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I bought my son a nice car for his 18th birthday. When I gave it to him, he just got mad and told me that if I really wanted to spend that much money on him, I should've used it to help him pay for college. FML

#20192045
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16513) - you deserved it (52169)

On 12/05/2012 at 6:27am - kids - by Anonymous - Israel

Today, I made a positive remark to the owner of my local groceries store for employing a special needs girl. Not only is the girl not mentally handicapped, she's also the owner's daughter. FML

#20190915
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11224) - you deserved it (29697)

On 12/04/2012 at 1:51pm - misc - by Vassy (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I stepped on the scale and realized that I weigh more than the amount of money that I have in my bank account. FML

#20199403
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27757) - you deserved it (7656)

On 12/10/2012 at 6:32pm - money - by ihncredible - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me, and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML

#20195284
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24814) - you deserved it (2873)

On 12/07/2012 at 4:28pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was snooping around in my parents' closet to see what I would get for Christmas, when I came across a UPS package. It was the video game I ordered off eBay 3 weeks ago, addressed to me. They told me it had never arrived and said I should ask Santa to bring it to me. FML

#20195835
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30665) - you deserved it (4677)

On 12/08/2012 at 12:44am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, a lady on the bus came up to me and asked if she could sit down. Thinking she meant the seat next to me, I said sure. She meant my lap. FML

#20198778
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24010) - you deserved it (2063)

On 12/10/2012 at 5:13am - misc - by LLCK - United States (Minnesota)



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