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Sunday 25 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML

#20181043
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28480) - you deserved it (1636)

On 11/27/2012 at 9:32am - misc - by Cracky - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3-year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML

#20172916
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11381) - you deserved it (27573)

On 11/21/2012 at 8:20pm - kids - by piemasterzim (man) - Canada

Today, I was going to give my baby daughter an empty Pringles tin to play with on the floor. I saw some crumbs at the bottom, so I emptied the can in my mouth before I gave it to her. I crunched hard and spat them out, realizing my boyfriend had just cut his toenails into the can. FML

#20184636
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34188) - you deserved it (9431)

On 11/29/2012 at 10:00pm - misc - by lizzard0416 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I heard a teenage boy ask his friend, "So, is it, like, November in Australia too?" This is the future of America. FML

#20179140
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26119) - you deserved it (2595)

On 11/26/2012 at 12:27am - kids - by toritoratora - United States (California)

Today, while working as a massage therapist, a client had me work on a very specific knot in his shoulder. He also happened to have a very detailed, very realistic tattoo of the crucifixion on his shoulder. I just spent 45 minutes violating Jesus. FML

#20173351
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21089) - you deserved it (3721)

On 11/22/2012 at 1:50am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband discovered poking me in my belly button makes me have to pee, sometimes it's uncontrollable and happens immediately. He thinks it's hilarious and decided it's his new favorite game. FML

#20186585
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28713) - you deserved it (2858)

On 12/01/2012 at 12:01pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was enjoying a nice bath, when one of my cats jumped up on the rim and started purring. I thought it was sweet, until my other cat ran in and body-slammed the first into the tub with me. Being a conscientious cat owner, I hadn't de-clawed them. FML

#20181270
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22301) - you deserved it (6045)

On 11/27/2012 at 2:52pm - animals - by Neutered (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, in break from tradition, I proposed to my boyfriend. We were at a Japanese Pagoda. Water was trickling everywhere; the moment was perfect. While I was on my knee, after pouring my heart out, he looked wistfully out over the water and said, "So, I was thinking pizza tonight." FML

#20173702
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28186) - you deserved it (5918)

On 11/22/2012 at 11:13am - love - by but I tried anal and everything (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my mom sold my Magic box at a garage sale because I "never use it." Locked inside it was my fake ID, a couple of hundred bucks, and a bag of weed. She can't remember who she sold it to. FML

#20170086
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16182) - you deserved it (33306)

On 11/19/2012 at 9:04pm - misc - by karmaquestionmark (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my long-distance boyfriend and I decided to be a bit naughty on Skype. It was 3am so we assumed that my dad was asleep and did some dirty talk. When we were done, I heard my dad laughing outside my room; he'd heard it all. FML

#20170222
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30931) - you deserved it (16456)

On 11/19/2012 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I was playing with my four year old cousin. He had a toy whale and said, "Shark!" I corrected him and told him it was a whale. He picked it up, threw it at my face, and yelled, "SHAAARK!" FML

#20176364
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21044) - you deserved it (7388)

On 11/24/2012 at 8:59am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend came over to a family game night. Halfway through a game of Klingon Monopoly, my drunk parents started arguing because apparently, while my dad was in jail, he cheated on my mom with a Klingon whore. I doubt my girlfriend will ever visit again. FML

#20176987
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24275) - you deserved it (2483)

On 11/24/2012 at 6:11pm - love - by Eganstein (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was walking through a crosswalk when a lady in a car looked at me with a horrified expression and then hit her door locks repeatedly. FML

#20176506
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23268) - you deserved it (2283)

On 11/24/2012 at 11:35am - misc - by lobstercola - Canada (Alberta)



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