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Sunday 25 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours so far, and I've already pulled five carving forks out of four different people. Good job, everybody. FML

#20174027
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26083) - you deserved it (1847)

On 11/22/2012 at 4:03pm - work - by DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

#20170605
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15513) - you deserved it (34849)

On 11/20/2012 at 3:43am - intimacy - by kinkicali (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, drunk at a party, I leaned through a window to throw up. I was outside. FML

#20182175
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10143) - you deserved it (32071) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/28/2012 at 1:20am - health - by kise - Sent from mobile version

Today, the car in front of me in the drop-off area at my son's school parked, and the driver got out. I basically leaned on my horn and gave her every dirty look in the book. She said nothing but stared at me as she opened the back of her van to unload her child's wheelchair. I'm an asshole. FML

#20172167
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10216) - you deserved it (72901)

On 11/21/2012 at 9:03am - kids - by AHole (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, my girlfriend started bawling, saying that our relationship wouldn't work. Why? Because if Justin and Selena can't do it, no one can. FML

#20178699
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31960) - you deserved it (3657)

On 11/25/2012 at 7:55pm - love - by nonbelieber (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to Hollister with my grandmother. She immediately started yelling about the music being too loud, and ordered the staff to "shut the damn thing off". She was yelling at a bunch of mannequins. FML

#20186953
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26203) - you deserved it (4515)

On 12/01/2012 at 5:53pm - misc - by time to put you down, gran (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML

#20178502
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15039) - you deserved it (28792)

On 11/25/2012 at 5:38pm - love - by dumping time (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, someone very close to me came out of the closet. Normally I would fully support them, had we not just gotten married. FML

#20181869
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42912) - you deserved it (2778)

On 11/27/2012 at 10:08pm - love - by Bliggins - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML

#20175044
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13512) - you deserved it (26728)

On 11/23/2012 at 10:10am - animals - by Jeanna S. - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML

#20170839
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11555) - you deserved it (31708)

On 11/20/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by Brian (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML

#20179414
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11864) - you deserved it (23664)

On 11/26/2012 at 5:26am - misc - by Z (man) - Australia

Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML

#20170012
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23864) - you deserved it (2215)

On 11/19/2012 at 8:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was blessed with a girlfriend who loves giving blowjobs. And cursed with a girlfriend who is also somehow really bad at them. FML

#20174308
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36462) - you deserved it (8786)

On 11/22/2012 at 8:19pm - intimacy - by Janitoro (man) - United States



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