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Sunday 28 October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a cashier asked me if I would like to donate to breast cancer research. Since I have already made my donations this month, I politely declined. The cashier snorted and said, "Maybe you'll feel differently if someone you love got cancer." I'm a two-year survivor. FML

#20130942
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34700) - you deserved it (1729)

On 10/24/2012 at 5:21am - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to watch some porn to cheer myself up after having recently been dumped. Halfway through wanking the gibbon, I got a horrifyingly painful cramp in my foot, and cried out in pain. Ten seconds later, with my pants still down, my dad rushed in to see if I was okay. FML

#20135660
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16443) - you deserved it (9690)

On 10/27/2012 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by whoreticulturalist (man) - United Kingdom (Plymouth)

Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML

#20139029
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19905) - you deserved it (2547)

On 10/29/2012 at 6:22pm - misc - by Indianagirl94 (woman) - United States

Today, I worked up the courage to give a guy my number. I wrote it down on a piece of paper, tore it in half and gave it to him. Later, I noticed I'd given him the wrong, blank half. FML

#20142410
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16423) - you deserved it (9293)

On 11/01/2012 at 12:24am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, in the spirit of Halloween and to get back at a child who repeatedly pressed the doorbell until I showed up, I quickly opened the door and yelled "Boo!" The child ended up being carried away crying with wet pants by a mother threatening to sue. FML

#20142562
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21005) - you deserved it (3207)

On 11/01/2012 at 4:20am - kids - by NoSpirit (woman) -

Today, after I gave birth to our first child, my husband looked at the doctor and seriously asked, "When do you circumcise the baby?" We had a baby girl. FML

#20138333
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20874) - you deserved it (2002)

On 10/29/2012 at 6:32am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my daughter brought home her new boyfriend. He has a neck tattoo, and his life's dream is to be a professional "beer pong" player. FML

#20146654
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23931) - you deserved it (2821)

On 11/04/2012 at 1:30am - kids - by PleaseDontBeSerious - Canada

Today, one of my dad's work friends came over. As he was leaving, he complimented my dad on having three "strapping young boys." I informed him that I'm a girl, and I have a hormone imbalance that causes me to have a lot of hair and a deep voice. I guess my dress didn't give him a clue. FML

#20140430
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23998) - you deserved it (2298)

On 10/30/2012 at 5:26pm - misc - by rarara - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I saw my music teacher, who I considered one of my role-models, on TV. Too bad it was because she'd robbed a church. FML

#20128657
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16922) - you deserved it (1408)

On 10/22/2012 at 6:51pm - misc - by musicthief - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML

#20130988
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19897) - you deserved it (984)

On 10/24/2012 at 6:51am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my daughter told me that she wanted to convert to a Christian. Not because she has a strong relation with God, but because she wants to post Facebook statuses about Him and "get a lot of likes." FML

#20131695
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18483) - you deserved it (2079)

On 10/24/2012 at 7:06pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I got back my history paper. The whole paper had been crossed out and at the end, my professor had written "Really?!" I still don't know what I did wrong. FML

Today, I found out that my over-controlling parents would be moving in next door. I'm almost 23, and moved 5,365 KM away to get away from them. FML

#20142163
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23682) - you deserved it (1356)

On 10/31/2012 at 9:39pm - misc - by OhLovely (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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