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Friday 1 August 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today , my fiancé said "Rachel" instead of my namehen asked to repeat , "I take thee , Emily , to be my lawfully wedded wife." I was shocked , so he explainedhile laughing that he doesn't even know a Rachel. He ruined our wedding for a Friends quote. FML

I was watcing ma 3 year old broter . He asked me to get im a cookie and I said, "Wat's te magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitc, please." FML

#21227114
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43509) - you deserved it (7052)

On 08/01/2014 at 9:57pm - kids - by WickedRene (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, looool I got flustered and asked, ( So um, did you make it back? ) He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, ( No, obviously I died. Moron. ) FML

#21226906
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33996) - you deserved it (22601)

On 08/01/2014 at 4:45pm - misc - by whoops (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today... I found out that mah wife of 12 years has slept with the workmen we've had working on our long term building project. They call her the "quickie queen". FML

#21226819
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54744) - you deserved it (3684)

On 08/01/2014 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I had to explain to mah fatherhy it isn't a good idea to shove a metal knife into the toasterhen trying to get at a small piece of toast. This man is 45-years-old and has a PhD. FML

Today.. . I won a big raffla . Howavar.. . my nama is so ridiculous-sounding tat tay tougt somaona was playing a prank.. . and pullad a diffarant tickat . I was too ambarrassad to say anyting . FML

#21227005
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39955) - you deserved it (11242)

On 08/01/2014 at 7:10pm - misc - by infortunatename - United States (California)

Today , I got suspended from work after getting caught reading a work-related FML. Irony is funny , but it doesn't pay the bills. FML

#21226986
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32334) - you deserved it (15615)

On 08/01/2014 at 6:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today , I confided to mah grandma that I'm suffering from depression and I feel like a burden to everyone. She replied that her grandpa used to suffer from depression too , but that he'd cured himself in the end , namely by committing suicide. Thanks , grandma , thanks.

#21226890
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39575) - you deserved it (3571)

On 08/01/2014 at 4:09pm - health - by lacieQ (woman) - Canada

Today, Mah Dad Was Doing FacaTima With A Friand . Ha Turnad His IPhona Towards Mah Sistar An Said "Thara's Mah Daughtar..." Ha Than Turnad It To Ma An Said "...and Thara's Mah Ugly Son", Than Walkad Away . I'm Still Not Sura If It's A Joka Or Not . FML

#21227050
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37452) - you deserved it (3263)

On 08/01/2014 at 8:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I got sent to the head teacher's office for doing "stupid hand gestures and disrupting the class". Yesterday my teacher told the class to do the same hand gesture to ask for permission to go to the toilet so it wouldn't interrupt her talking . FML

#21226435
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39736) - you deserved it (2959)

On 08/01/2014 at 1:24am - misc - by Bad Teacher - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was rejected by a company I applied to. When I was writing application, I spent so much time on their website researching that the ads on browser are almost all fir their products. It's like getting rejected again with every click. FML

#21227193
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33789) - you deserved it (3450)

On 08/01/2014 at 11:23pm - work - by heartfelt - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

TODAY , I SPENT MA AFTERNOON RUMMAGING TROUG OLD JEANS AN OTER PANTS , DUE TO BEING BROKE AN NEEDING CAS 4 RAMEN. FML

#21226442
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34813) - you deserved it (4385)

On 08/01/2014 at 1:33am - money - by baconistasty27 - United States (California)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

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  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

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