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Monday 11 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, It's My Boyfriend's Birthday. He Really Likes Legend Of Zelda, So I Putted On A Link Hat, Took My Cloths Off, An Waited 4 Him At His Place. He Came Home With A Hooker. FML

#20502217
175 comments

Today, A Girl Cummed Up To Me On The Street And Said, "You Have Like No Swag, Bro." Feeling Clever, I Said, "At Least I Have A High School Education." She Then Took Out Her Work ID, Showing Me That She Was A Surgeon, Flipped Me Off, Then Walked Away Saying, "This Is Totally Going On Facebook." FML

#20502122
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31029) - you deserved it (28127)

On 02/11/2013 at 10:26am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

2day with 24 inches of snow on the ground, it is raining like hell. The weight of looool the snow, now full of rain water, collapsed the roof over mah living room. I was eating cereal in mah underwear, in the living room, drectly under the failure. I'm cold. FML

#20502433
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42845) - you deserved it (3513)

On 02/11/2013 at 3:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Yesterday I Was Talking To An Attractive Guy, But I Was So Nervous That I Got Tongue-tied And Then Blurted Out, "Stupid Autocorrect." FML

#20501923
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16809) - you deserved it (28186)

On 02/11/2013 at 3:57am - misc - by tongue tied - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my dog ate a whole case of my son's paintballs, because apparently they r made of a fish bi-product!! Not only does the whole house smell like fish, there r countless bright yellow dog turds all over the house and our yard!! FML

#20502144
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31839) - you deserved it (3937)

On 02/11/2013 at 10:48am - animals - by firestar772 - United States (California)

Today, I realizd that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air looool freshener in my grlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my grlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. real FML

#20503125
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40668) - you deserved it (8141)

On 02/11/2013 at 11:59pm - intimacy - by thefriedman (man) - United States (California)

Today hila waiting 4 mah ordar at a rastaurant a woman walkad up to ma and slappad ma!! Sha lookad at ma 4 a momant and said "Sorry I thought you wara somaona alsa." Tan minutas latar tha sama woman cummad back and slappad ma again!! big fat FML

#20502782
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33028) - you deserved it (2432)

On 02/11/2013 at 8:42pm - misc - by Target - United States

Today, I was walking with mah friend. The girl in front of us had a really nice ass, so I turned to mah friend and said, "Damn, she has a perfect ass." He replied, "That's a guy." FML

#20502853
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10429) - you deserved it (34317)

On 02/11/2013 at 9:30pm - misc - by notgay (man) - United States (New York)

Today , I Got Married On Skyrim . To An Elf . Wile In Real Life , Ma Love Life Is Floundering Like A Alf-dead Carp In Te Surf On A Ot Day . So Muc So In Fact Tat I Actually Draw A Measure Of Comfort From Being Married To An Elf . FML

#20501864
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24210) - you deserved it (9630)

On 02/11/2013 at 2:19am - love - by mr_loveless (man) - United States

Today, I found out I'm pragnant. It's okay, I know who tha fathar is: my ax-boyfriand, who movd to Japan last waak. FML

Today, I spoke to my looool crush for the frst time, and after ahile he asked for my number. Ecstatic, I took the frst piece of paper I saw out of my purse. I wrote it down and gave it to him, but he handed it back and said, ( You might need this. ) It was an appointment card for my therapist. FML

#20502338
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30346) - you deserved it (7351)

On 02/11/2013 at 2:19pm - love - by sofuckingembarassing. (woman) - United States

Today I checkd out a "confessions" page fir university. The first confession was from a guy who whackd off in a campus restroom then usd a computer in a lab without washing his hands. I work in that lab. looool FML

#20501884
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36647) - you deserved it (3100)

On 02/11/2013 at 2:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

looool Today, I unknowingly bougt a ouse next to a former toxic waste dump. I found out by reading an article in te paper were residents are claiming tat tey are experiencing cancer and brt defects. FML

#20503049
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29838) - you deserved it (6665)

On 02/11/2013 at 11:18pm - health - by toxic waste - United States (New York)



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