Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Tuesday 1 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML

#20909921
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57051) - you deserved it (3369)

On 10/06/2013 at 5:49pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was reminded that while I have a nice waist, bum and boobs, I'm unspeakably ugly. I was walking down the street when a guy wolf-whistled from behind me, and when I turned around, he visibly recoiled in disgust. FML

#20908389
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46376) - you deserved it (3796)

On 10/05/2013 at 1:51pm - misc - by british_babe (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, a customer was paying for his food. As he placed the money in my hand, he said, "Careful, those coins are sticky." I asked why. He replied, "You know, male stuff." FML

Today, being so desperate for money, I accepted a job in which I get shot at with paintballs for 6 hours. FML

#20911674
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40096) - you deserved it (4762)

On 10/07/2013 at 10:08pm - work - by BOHICA123 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones got so bad that she freaked out and threw a tantrum, accusing me of always making important decisions for her. All I did was get her some food from Taco Bell as a surprise. FML

#20912485
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54539) - you deserved it (5087)

On 10/08/2013 at 1:57pm - intimacy - by hubby - United States

Today, at the age of 23, I brought my boyfriend over to meet my parents. My father swabbed his mouth for DNA and fingerprinted him. FML

Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML

#20908628
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48849) - you deserved it (6603)

On 10/05/2013 at 5:28pm - intimacy - by -____- (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my dad asked me to stop calling him "dad" because it’s too weird for his girlfriend’s kids to hear, because they call him dad. FML

#20901637
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51828) - you deserved it (2456)

On 09/30/2013 at 4:04am - kids - by meens42 - United States

Today, I was at Petsmart with my puppy. Someone tried to pet him. I tried to warn the guy that he is a rescue and doesn't trust easily. He didn't listen and now wants to sue me for a dog bite that didn't even break the skin. FML

#20906371
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41464) - you deserved it (2752)

On 10/03/2013 at 8:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I smelled chicken nuggets and asked my boyfriend if he was making some. He wasn't. It was my armpits. FML

#20902037
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21691) - you deserved it (38714)

On 09/30/2013 at 3:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was grocery shopping. When I got to the frozen foods, I saw some lean pockets, which I haven't had in forever, so I bought a couple of boxes. Around lunch time, I was hungry and thought I could have some, until I realized why I stopped buying them: I don't have a microwave. FML

#20908021
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21580) - you deserved it (36505)

On 10/05/2013 at 4:17am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to dinner with a guy I like and paid the $120 bill. After joking that he was an expensive date, he replied, "I laugh at how you think this is a date." FML

#20905656
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49459) - you deserved it (5711)

On 10/03/2013 at 4:14am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I told my coworkers that I was going on a date tonight so they would think I have a social life. One of them spotted me while I was eating alone at McDonalds. FML



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #2: In slow-moving hell
  • It was once a dream, now it’s come true. We’re at the place that was allocated months ago for preprogrammed, enforced holiday fun time. We’ve put on some cargo shorts, slipped on some of those…

Wednesday 13 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: