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Friday 7 June 2013

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Today, while sexting my girlfriend, I accidently sent a picture to her father instead of her. He sent back a link to a penis enlargement company's website. FML

by tinypenis / 06/04/2013 at 8:15am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I woke up from a much needed nap realizing I should take my pain medication. My mother then told me she had thrown them out so I wouldn't get addicted and become a drug dealer. FML

by _Tatyana_ / 06/13/2013 at 3:05am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I spent my last day at the hospital for a long epilepsy test. Apparently, I don't have epilepsy at all, but I do have extreme stress. This means that I've been taking several anti-seizure medications that ruined my college plans and made me sick for half a year, all for nothing. FML

by HollyJollyXmas / 06/09/2013 at 11:40am / United States / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend got into bed with me and started fooling around. I had a terrible migraine, which she knew, so I asked her to stop because it wasn't helping. She then yelled at me for being "ungrateful" and "selfish", and accused me of secretly being gay. FML

by Anonymous / 06/14/2013 at 5:21pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health

Today, at the office, my most annoying client asked me to send her a document. I have now sent it to her over 5 times, in a different format each time, and every single time she replies with, "Not in the requested format". She won't tell me what the requested format is. FML

by Anonymous / 06/06/2013 at 8:38am / Work

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for not remembering our anniversary. Our three week anniversary. FML

by BadBoyfriend / 06/03/2013 at 12:31am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I tried to lift my girlfriend and spin her around like in a Rom-Com. I started the spin, then heard a pop. The pain caused me to yelp and fall to the floor, dropping her on top of me. I dislocated my kneecap trying to be romantic. She only weighs about 90 lbs. FML

by Anonymous / 06/13/2013 at 11:13am / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, I received a death threat from some nutball accusing me of being part of some big government conspiracy called "Haarp." According to this psycho, I'm responsible for causing the recent tornadoes in Oklahoma. I'm just a small-time weatherman. FML

by fuck wannabe knowitalls / 06/03/2013 at 7:13pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend threw out my old voicemail recorder, thinking it was junk. My father passed away years ago. I kept a recording of the last voicemail he'd left me on it so I'd always remember his voice. FML

by Upset / 06/10/2013 at 7:35pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I let my step-father know exactly what I thought of him. After a few moments of awkward silence, he leaned towards me and quietly whispered, "Well you're adopted. Your parents never loved you." FML

by SkeetinKeaton / 06/05/2013 at 11:24am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, after telling my mother-in-law about my recent miscarriage, she cheerfully made a cake to celebrate. FML

by Anoymous / 06/09/2013 at 2:02am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on my bike. As I'm rolling through an intersection, some asshat in a pickup runs the red light and hits me. Instead of getting out and helping me, the guy hops out, takes a look at me lying in the street, steals my hat and drives off. That was my favorite hat. FML

by Are you f*cking kidding me / 06/12/2013 at 2:10am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, while at my aunt's funeral, my grandma who has terrible memory loss asked me whose funeral we were at. I had to explain to her that her daughter had died. FML

by Me / 06/03/2013 at 1:32am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous