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Sunday 19 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after months of being pestered to do so, I finally read the first Harry Potter book. I hated it. Upon hearing this, my girlfriend posted the fact on Facebook, where I immediately received tons of abuse and eventual shunning by my friends, family, and coworkers. My girlfriend just laughed. FML

#20683433
312 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34898) - you deserved it (41764)

On 05/24/2013 at 8:26am - misc - by obnum - United States (New York)

Today, whilst driving past a cyclist, I thought it would be funny to make him jump by blasting my horn right behind him and then driving off. I guess he thought it would be funny to catch up with me, yank off my wing-mirror, and hurl it through the open window at my face. FML

Today, it was my wedding. Every good wedding has slutty wedding sex, and I thought it would be over after my cousin and his girlfriend were caught in the parking lot. I was wrong, the sluttiest wedding sex goes to my drunk husband and sister in the coat room. FML

#20684997
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77287) - you deserved it (4792)

On 05/25/2013 at 2:55am - love - by lizzie - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I borrowed my boyfriend's laptop. Out of curiosity, I clicked through the bookmarks in his web browser. One of them took me to a site dedicated to sex stories featuring characters from My Little Pony. FML

#20687700
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43208) - you deserved it (16973)

On 05/26/2013 at 4:50pm - misc - by bestiality? do I look like a pig? (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while at hospital with a broken arm, I was asked to raise my hand onto the x-ray machine. I told the nurse I couldn't move it without extreme pain. She told me to suck it up, picked up my arm, and dropped it on the machine. I could feel the bone completely separate. FML

Today, I walked in on my sister masturbating with my curling iron. FML

#20667250
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73270) - you deserved it (6160)

On 05/16/2013 at 3:49pm - intimacy - by need € for new iron (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I found out I'm actually the uncle of my children. All four of them. FML

#20662485
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (98600) - you deserved it (5975)

On 05/14/2013 at 3:13am - kids - by Liferuinedforever (man) - Pakistan (Sindh)

Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML

#20680679
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56039) - you deserved it (4369)

On 05/22/2013 at 9:57pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML

#20673142
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49991) - you deserved it (7007)

On 05/19/2013 at 2:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my brother tried to convince me to get a clitoris piercing at his recently opened piercing studio. FML

#20668963
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59812) - you deserved it (6045)

On 05/17/2013 at 12:40pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Varmlands Lan)

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML

#20660939
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77374) - you deserved it (5292)

On 05/13/2013 at 3:10pm - intimacy - by more than I wanted to know (man) - Italy (Emilia-Romagna)

Today, I walked in on my husband making out with his accountant, the same woman who comforted me when he cheated on me the year before. FML

#20675748
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51222) - you deserved it (17456)

On 05/20/2013 at 4:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth filled. The nurse just finished taking my info when the doctor came in and started drilling. Through my chorus of screams he realized he'd forgotten to numb me. His only response was, "Guess I forgot to numb ya, huh?" while giggling. FML

#20662624
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56018) - you deserved it (3976)

On 05/14/2013 at 8:03am - health - by toothache - United States (Illinois)



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