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Friday 19 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

#20623610
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45894) - you deserved it (9190)

On 04/26/2013 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my girlfriend from high school contacted me, telling me we should hang out some time; I casually agreed. Two hours later she's on my doorstep in tears, wanting me to take her back. She's married with kids. I live four states away and haven't a clue how she found out where I live. FML

#20611227
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55172) - you deserved it (3689)

On 04/21/2013 at 7:26pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my husband rejected sleeping with me because he wants to "save his energy" for building his custom car. Apparently, I'm a "distraction." FML

#20615528
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43013) - you deserved it (5805)

On 04/23/2013 at 9:38am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, at the exact moment that I leaned over to show my dad a picture on my phone, my boyfriend texted me: "I'm no weather man, but you can expect a few inches tonight." FML

#20598564
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65585) - you deserved it (12606)

On 04/17/2013 at 1:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I overheard my grandpa telling my mom he'd found a load of porn in my laptop's browser history, but that he deleted all the "filth" so she wouldn't have to see it. She believed him and I got grounded, much to his amusement. I've never looked up porn on that computer in my life. FML

#20623130
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39896) - you deserved it (2690)

On 04/26/2013 at 1:34pm - misc - by thats what my ipod is for (man) - United States

Today, I learned what live maggots in chocolate cake taste like. FML

#20606960
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49024) - you deserved it (7012)

On 04/20/2013 at 6:51am - misc - by MaggotMother (woman) - United States

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

#20618445
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74843) - you deserved it (9070)

On 04/24/2013 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML

#20596513
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57729) - you deserved it (4746)

On 04/16/2013 at 2:13pm - love - by fucklife - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, after a few weeks of my friends pestering me to spend time with a mutual friend, I realized we had a lot in common. We both love shoes, peanut butter, and it appears that my boyfriend of three years is her boyfriend of four years. FML

#20612533
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67334) - you deserved it (4756)

On 04/22/2013 at 2:58am - love - by Stupid (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I was on hold with the cable company for an hour. When I finally got someone, I walked into the kitchen to where it was quiet and slid across the floor, falling on my butt and losing my connection on the phone. My 2-year-old son had sprayed the floor with nonstick cooking spray. FML

Today, my mother and I saw a stall selling colourful treats at the shopping centre. Some were placed on small dishes, so we thought we'd sample their goods. Turns out that the colourful goodies that we'd bit into were very creative pieces of soap. FML

#20615670
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18860) - you deserved it (40741)

On 04/23/2013 at 11:49am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, my grandmother tried to upstage me at my wedding by wearing an actual wedding dress because she "never had a real wedding". FML

#20609675
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52834) - you deserved it (3866)

On 04/21/2013 at 8:26am - misc - by gamerguru13 - United States (New York)

Today, I had a formal complaint filed against me for being outrageously rude to a customer. All I did was tell a customer that she couldn't use food stamps at the movie theater. FML

#20620985
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44243) - you deserved it (2506)

On 04/25/2013 at 3:37pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)



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