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Friday 29 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He raised an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML

#20566988
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20342) - you deserved it (51068)

On 03/30/2013 at 2:17pm - misc - by fuck you dad (man) - Ireland (Monaghan)

Today, while shopping for a birthday present for my size 0 friend, I picked out a pair of pants for her. When paying, the cashier looked me up and down and said, "Well, you're pretty optimistic aren't you?" FML

#20574572
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45726) - you deserved it (3805)

On 04/04/2013 at 11:12am - misc - by NotASize0 (woman) - Denmark

Today, at the store, I noticed a girl eyeing a chocolate bunny. Her mom refused to buy it, saying they didn't have enough money. She started crying, so I decided to make her day and offered to buy it for her. Her mom reacted by slapping me across the face and calling me a "pedo." FML

#20576602
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45029) - you deserved it (7837)

On 04/05/2013 at 8:13pm - kids - by easteryegg (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was buying condoms at Walmart. I grabbed the XL size, and the cashier commented, "Ahh, you'll definitely need a smaller size." FML

#20573161
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32629) - you deserved it (14101)

On 04/03/2013 at 12:57pm - misc - by nottoosmall - United States

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

#20562846
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79755) - you deserved it (8242)

On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, a blonde tourist came up to me and asked me for directions to the nearest train station. I politely directed her there, and she left. Five minutes later, she came back and slapped me for not bringing her to an "English-speaking station". We're in China, lady. FML

#20567861
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38946) - you deserved it (2589)

On 03/31/2013 at 2:19am - misc - by dumb tourists (man) - China (Beijing)

Today, my sister gave my laptop away and dumped a pile of her hamster's turds on my bed. All of this because I flushed the toilet while she was in the shower last night. FML

#20573279
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39397) - you deserved it (6069)

On 04/03/2013 at 2:45pm - misc - by poop (man) -

Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML

#20563680
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64435) - you deserved it (16373)

On 03/28/2013 at 11:11am - intimacy - by everyoneheard (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I came home in tears over finding out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I told my seemingly sympathetic dad everything. His advice was to lure them both to our house with the promise of a three-way, after which he'd "kill the shit" out of them. Real mature, dad. FML

#20568440
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34364) - you deserved it (6299)

On 03/31/2013 at 1:55pm - love - by immaturity all around (woman) - United States

Today, I was chatting online with a guy I really like, when he used the word "irregardless." I couldn't help but mention how little sense it makes, since it's a combination of two words meaning roughly the same thing. He replied, "lol what? your stupid." Jesus Christ. FML

#20576546
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31094) - you deserved it (8962)

On 04/05/2013 at 7:21pm - love - by pot, meet kettle (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my older brother walked in on me while I was wearing nothing but a bra, panties, pantyhose, and high heels. I'm his little brother. FML

#20572069
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22477) - you deserved it (66020)

On 04/02/2013 at 6:52pm - misc - by SayCheese - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I got so drunk that I tasered myself in the balls as a joke, fell down my friend's porch stairs and rolled out into the street. FML

#20559522
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10204) - you deserved it (62274)

On 03/25/2013 at 2:31pm - health - by anon - United States

Today, I got dumped during sex. FML

#20563466
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66468) - you deserved it (9065)

On 03/28/2013 at 6:02am - intimacy - by Bigfatfailure (man) - United States (California)



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