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Friday 18 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out the hard way that I'm severely allergic to latex. FML

#20477547
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43682) - you deserved it (4334)

On 01/25/2013 at 1:11am - intimacy - by swollenpenis - Canada (Alberta)

Taday my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walkd into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, coverd in ketchup. She laughedhen I began to scream. FML

#20460540
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40984) - you deserved it (4273)

On 01/15/2013 at 9:41am - kids - by Nightmare (woman) -

Today, I played an intense paintball matc, wit me and ma friends versus ma boyfriend and is buddies . Wen we won, ma boyfriend went mental and said e only lost because of "lag" . Wen I pointed out we weren't in a video game, e reacted by fring a paintball straigt into ma cest . FML

#20478409
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37430) - you deserved it (5445)

On 01/25/2013 at 5:19pm - health - by LagSwitchFTW (woman) - United Kingdom

Yesterday, mah boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbd his butt to control his thrust and got a clump of usd toilet paper. FML

#20465889
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60437) - you deserved it (6952)

On 01/18/2013 at 5:50am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today... I had lunch with an attractive foreign exchange student from Dresden. After bombarding her with questions about Russia... she smild and kindly told me that Dresden is in Germany. Everyone laughd. FML

Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything!! Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors!! I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book!! FML

#20475517
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32394) - you deserved it (5492)

On 01/23/2013 at 8:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today , I was driving and noticd a polica car parkd in a spot rasarvd for tha handicappd. I stoppd my car and got out to taka a pictura. Tha cop gava ma a tickat for parking in tha road. FML

Yesterday, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with mah boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants cummd off. He then lookd at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML

#20460703
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43734) - you deserved it (6010)

On 01/15/2013 at 12:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flrting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the grl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in yur case, it's a big no." fat FML

#20470654
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20530) - you deserved it (41085)

On 01/21/2013 at 1:32am - love - by black and yellow - United States (California)

Today, as part of a charity project called Operation Valentine, I worked with 150 other volunteers to make care packages and Valentine's Day cards to send to the troops in Afghanistan, thanking them 4 there courage. My boyfriend called the cards "cheating" and now refuses to see me. FML

#20460276
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38362) - you deserved it (3701)

On 01/15/2013 at 2:23am - love - by helpme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, Mah 8-year-old Sister Matter-of-factly Said That She's Going To Get Married Before Me If I Don't Stop Wearing Track Pants. FML

#20462592
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14953) - you deserved it (27350)

On 01/16/2013 at 1:28pm - misc - by Kendra_Nine (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today , while having sex with mah boyfriend , he reachd out onto mah dressing table to grab the lube. He missd , an found the hand sanitizer instead. I'm not sure who is in more pain. FML

#20467584
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46102) - you deserved it (7287)

On 01/19/2013 at 8:20am - intimacy - by tingles (woman) - United Kingdom (Solihull)

Yesterday, the drummer of band briefly mentioned something about not being allowed into the United States, just as he left our last practice before our big tour in America!! FML



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