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Sunday 16 December 2012

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Today, I saw my daughter dusting her furniture with the white handkerchief I gave her as a wedding present. It's been in our family for 4 generations. FML

by teejayrn / 12/18/2012 at 5:03am / Kids

Today, after several years spent hung up on my ex, I was finally moving on. I was on a date with my new boyfriend when my ex walked past us. He broke down crying, got on his knees, and begged me to come back. FML

by Miki / 12/16/2012 at 6:57pm / United States (Louisiana) / Love

Today, my boyfriend is seriously mad at me for telling his cat what he got it for Christmas. FML

by Kate / 12/23/2012 at 3:24am / United States (Missouri) / Animals

Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML

by Igor / 12/19/2012 at 12:16am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, my co-worker had a bad cold that stuffed up his ears and nose. This wouldn't have been a problem, except that he believed his farts were silent and scentless. They were so vile, they could have killed a horse. FML

by Iknoweverything / 12/22/2012 at 3:06am / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML

by ayye_its_nikki / 12/19/2012 at 12:07am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years proposed to me. Less than 3 hours later, he panicked and made me give the ring back. FML

by mahanaaa_23 / 12/19/2012 at 3:47pm / United States (Hawaii) / Love

Today, in art class, our instructor called me up to the front to model for a drawing. I agreed to pose because it was nice to be called on, and I needed a self-esteem boost. He then thanked me, saying it's a great exercise for the class to draw such strange proportions. FML

by Anonymous / 12/12/2012 at 3:48pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom and I went to Best Buy for some Christmas shopping. She picked up some presents for me and told me not to look at what she was buying. When we got to the register, she didn't have enough money, and I ended up having to buy my own presents. FML

by dude, where's my balls? :( / 12/22/2012 at 3:25pm / United States (Alaska) / Money

Today, my mother has stooped to a new level of "hiding" Christmas gifts. She now just dumps them in the middle of the floor and says, "Don't look at them." If she even thinks I'm glancing in the direction of the pile, she will burst into a manic rage, and yell at me for "ruining the surprise." FML

by Mandy93 / 12/20/2012 at 8:57am / Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was pulled over and administered a sobriety test due to an officer's suspicion that I was driving under the influence. I was completely sober, and, apparently, I suck at driving. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2012 at 2:27am / United States / Transportation

Today, I ate brunch at my in-laws. The food all tasted off to me so I didn't eat much, telling my mother-in-law I was watching my weight. Later on, while out doing a bit of shopping, I stopped at a red light. Guess who pulled up next to me while I was scarfing a fast food burger. FML

by drkate25 / 12/18/2012 at 5:02pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, while picking up a birthday cake, I was screamed at by an upset woman for getting special attention from the bakers, and that I was nothing more than an attention-hogging slut. The bakers are my co-workers and I was picking my cake up on my day off. FML

by Anonymous / 12/12/2012 at 10:05am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous