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Saturday 3 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my crazy bitch of a boss fired me for inappropriate conduct. Apparently my "fake Nazi accent" is "offensive to our Jewish coworkers." I'm German. I have no way to change the way I speak, or to pay this month's bills. FML

#20155705
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24196) - you deserved it (1052)

On 11/08/2012 at 11:02pm - work - by Screwed - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. My girlfriend had agreed to come over after and make sure I was okay, so I called her, saying I was done. She told me she'd made new plans, and to "just suck on a tampon, you pussy". FML

#20156617
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15206) - you deserved it (1937)

On 11/09/2012 at 7:16pm - health - by dating a fking cnt (man) - Canada

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend, saying I had a lot on my plate. She responded by throwing an empty plate at my windshield. FML

#20138170
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7391) - you deserved it (16080)

On 10/29/2012 at 1:46am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after I gave birth to our first child, my husband looked at the doctor and seriously asked, "When do you circumcise the baby?" We had a baby girl. FML

#20138333
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17444) - you deserved it (1501)

On 10/29/2012 at 6:32am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML

#20149912
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22074) - you deserved it (2963)

On 11/06/2012 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Ugggggggggg (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, after being a germaphobe for almost ten years and refusing to go out to restaurants because of it, I finally had the courage to face my fear, and went to dinner with my family. After three bites into my salad, I found a dead bug in it. FML

#20150517
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22115) - you deserved it (2001)

On 11/06/2012 at 1:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, before leaving my house, I OCD-checked all of my doors 16 times to make sure that they were locked. When I got home, my house had been broken into. Turns out I accidentally unlocked my front door when trying to lock it for the last time. This is why I have OCD. FML

#20141026
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14568) - you deserved it (6589)

On 10/30/2012 at 11:02pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I looked up the side effects of the antidepressants I've recently started taking. Inability to orgasm is one of them. I can either not be depressed, or I can have an orgasm. FML

#20148960
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20134) - you deserved it (2598)

On 11/05/2012 at 2:25pm - intimacy - by HappinessOrOrgasms (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I told my dad and brother that I want to take Zumba classes. My brother said, "Did you hear that? Pumbaa wants to Zumba!" Then he starting dancing and making pig noises. My dad high-fived him. When my mom heard, she high-fived him too. FML

#20141343
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18074) - you deserved it (2102)

On 10/31/2012 at 6:06am - misc - by hakuna matata - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend decided to invite her best friend over for a threesome. This would've been the best day ever, had I not been at work while it was taking place. FML

#20150477
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26580) - you deserved it (2258)

On 11/06/2012 at 1:07pm - intimacy - by sadness1992 - United States (California)

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML

#20154996
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11752) - you deserved it (21444)

On 11/08/2012 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by shit.... (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, I realized why it's a bad idea to store your business cards and your "emergency condom" in the same handbag compartment. I realized this after a client watched me miss the cards and pull out the condom after our lunch meeting. FML

#20144136
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4941) - you deserved it (19612)

On 11/02/2012 at 7:35am - work - by Hornymuch (woman) - Germany

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by showing up at my work and proposing to me. It was sweet until an angry customer bitched us out for "wasting her time." FML

#20141262
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18002) - you deserved it (2037)

On 10/31/2012 at 2:18am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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