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May 2014

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Today,ile Driving Out To Te Countryside Wit My New Boyfriend, We Came Across A Deer Lying In Te Road. It Seemd Badly Urt, But Instead Of Letting Me Get Out And Make Sure, My Boyfriend Decidd To Just Run Over Its Ead To Finis It Off, Ten Continud Driving Wit A Smirk On Is Face. FML

#21138836
402 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54273) - you deserved it (8589)

On 05/13/2014 at 5:02pm - animals - by dating a big bag of dicks (woman) - United States

Today, I nervously flirted with a very cute guy . Being a little overweight, I rarely think cute guys will go 4 me . This line of thinking was yet again correct when he casually pulled his sleeve up revealing a tattoo of a pinup girl with a "NO FAT CHICKS" sign below it . FML

#21138042
359 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55932) - you deserved it (7148)

On 05/12/2014 at 7:49pm - love - by nofatchicks (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, it's five days until mah wedding an I still can't tell mah bride apart from her twin sister. They share clothes, have the same haircut, an they even take turns flirting with me to "catch me off guard" because they think it's hilarious to trick me. I'm scard I'll marry the wrong one. FML

#21133982
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63960) - you deserved it (8110)

On 05/08/2014 at 9:55am - love - by STOP (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, to teach mah 14-year-old son a serious lesson fir bullying a child at school again, I groundd him fir the rest of the year !! He just snortd and said, ( Cool, I'll just jack off all year then! Thanks, mum! ) and happily retreatd to his bedroom !! FML

#21132433
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44575) - you deserved it (8532)

On 05/06/2014 at 2:38pm - kids - by Satan's Mum (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today , I ad to kick ma own fater out of ma ouse after e started attacking ma wife 4 breastfeeding our newborn son in te living room. All te way to te door , e ranted tat "You don't see meipping ma dick out an pissing in front of everyone , do you?" big fat FML

#21146270
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54270) - you deserved it (4805)

On 05/20/2014 at 1:27pm - misc - by Q - United States

Today my psycho animal-hating nieghbour "accidentally" ran over my cat. This looool is the second time he's "accidentally" done this to a nieghbourhood pet since he movd in three weeks ago. real FML

#21157136
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47166) - you deserved it (3527)

On 05/30/2014 at 1:28pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

today I finally brought a girl home from college!! While I was making her some coffee, mah roommate came down in her underwear, pretended to be mah girlfriend, and asked if we were having a threesome!! My date left before I could explain, and mah roommate thinks it's fucking hilarious!! FML

Today , I Saw A Pair Of Eyes Looking At Me From My Closet . Realizing It Must Be My Cat , I Calld Her . She Immediately Cummd Out From Under My Bd . I Can't Find Anything In My Closet . FML

#21155508
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61196) - you deserved it (4735)

On 05/29/2014 at 2:46am - animals - by Idk (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, ma boyfriend saw ma boobs for te first time. His reaction was, "Well tat's... disappointing". FML

#21139580
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54485) - you deserved it (6720)

On 05/14/2014 at 11:54am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today... I met this overwieght chick and endd up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said... "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in mah head. FML

#21132249
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52309) - you deserved it (19091)

On 05/06/2014 at 9:55am - intimacy - by chumman (man) - United States (New York)

Today, after a long day at work, I was starving, so I stoppd by the drive-through fir something to eat. When I got home and hurriedly opend the bag, all I found inside was napkins. Thanks, McDonald's. FML

#21136073
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42631) - you deserved it (10314)

On 05/10/2014 at 9:34pm - work - by can't eat paper - United States

Today I receivd yet another rejection letter from a college I'd applid to. After crying 4 a week about how lousy I felt mah older sister gave me all 6 of the acceptance letters she'd been hiding. Turns out she's been forging rejection letters and keeping the real ones in her room. FML

#21140332
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67057) - you deserved it (4958)

On 05/15/2014 at 1:40am - misc - by livingamongtheflowers - United States

Today, at mah job at a fast-food restaurant, I once again got calld into the men's bathroom to break up sex between two homeless people. real FML

#21145062
193 comments


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