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July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML

#20798640
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56068) - you deserved it (11959)

On 07/23/2013 at 12:04am - intimacy - by suckstosuck (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend decided to let me know that she almost left me for another guy not so long ago, because he was more handsome and talented than me. The reason she didn't leave: "He's out of my league; you're not." FML

#20777616
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48483) - you deserved it (3957)

On 07/12/2013 at 12:53pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was on drive-thru where I work. Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through. A woman came in and I noticed her dog. Without a thought, I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one. I looked again. The 'dog' was her daughter. FML

#20792109
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48371) - you deserved it (23839)

On 07/19/2013 at 9:54am - work - by Treats For Days - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I asked this really cute girl for her number. I had nothing else on me so I told her to write it on a dollar bill. Later, without thinking, I put it in a vending machine. I freaked out and frantically pushed the return button. It gave me back quarters. FML

Today, my daughter asked me to get her razors. When my 19-year-old son saw them he asked what they were for, to which my daughter replied, "For my armpits." My son then said, "Girls don't grow armpit hair." FML

#20764467
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44568) - you deserved it (6299)

On 07/05/2013 at 12:59am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I announced my third pregnancy to my family. My dad's only reaction was to scoff, "Really? Stop breeding already." FML

#20780277
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43364) - you deserved it (14345)

On 07/13/2013 at 4:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML

#20805312
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56096) - you deserved it (9306)

On 07/26/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by turning red - United States

Today, I was in a training about the newest changes in CPR. The trainer was discussing chest compression techniques and said she prefers "good, fast, hard pumping." I was the only one who snickered out loud, drawing several annoyed looks from the other trainees. I'm a 45-year-old doctor. FML

#20803758
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38155) - you deserved it (18215)

On 07/25/2013 at 11:15pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was in a restroom, reading this site, when another gentleman walked in. He washed his hands, dried them, nodded at me, then left. It wouldn't ordinarily be so weird, except I was in a one-person restroom. FML

#20784458
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48705) - you deserved it (8097)

On 07/15/2013 at 3:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend posted a screenshot from a porno on my Facebook, because the girl in it looked freakishly similar to me. My dad commented, asking for a link to the video. FML

#20797729
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52286) - you deserved it (4050)

On 07/22/2013 at 3:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Trinidad and Tobago (Port-of-Spain)

Today, some guys were doing construction on my house, when one of them came over and started asking me about my "hot sister". That "sister" is my 13-year-old daughter. FML

#20781189
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50170) - you deserved it (3960)

On 07/14/2013 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realized that I am such a Grammar Nazi that when a porn star says something grammatically-incorrect, I lose my boner. FML

#20766909
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46733) - you deserved it (18759)

On 07/06/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by BlueB (man) - United States

Today, my family and I visited my cousins in Virginia. When we arrived, we found that they already had guests over. I've stuttered my whole life, so when they asked me what my name was, I stuttered for several seconds trying to say my name. Everyone burst out laughing. FML

#20805698
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52106) - you deserved it (3408)

On 07/27/2013 at 12:47am - misc - by Odnel (man) - United States (Virginia)



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