Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while at the airport waiting for my flight, I sat down next to a mother and her son. As I pulled out a water bottle, she leaned over to her son and said, "Promise me you will never do what the man next to you just did." I have no idea what the hell I did wrong. FML

Today, my son got suspended from school. He's in kindergarten. FML

#20201910
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26933) - you deserved it (6705)

On 12/12/2012 at 1:32pm - kids - by Renzy (woman) -

Today, a guy professed his love for me in front of my friends. The guy is my first cousin. FML

#20414731
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38709) - you deserved it (3136)

On 12/22/2012 at 9:33pm - love - by Brittany (woman) - United States

Today, a senile old lady came up to me and offered me chocolate. I noticed that it was ex-lax, so I politely told her no. My 4-year-old daughter pushed me aside and ate the ex-lax, because she thought it was candy. I now have a stinky child on a 3 hour bus ride, with no stops. FML

#20197580
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20550) - you deserved it (9803)

On 12/09/2012 at 11:29am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, in my AP Biology class, a student informed us she'd read that Antarctica had completely melted due to global warming, to which my friend gushed, "Yeah! It's been melted for, like, months." FML

#20193921
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20374) - you deserved it (1760)

On 12/06/2012 at 3:47pm - misc - by bieberslayer (woman) - United States

Today, while lighting a cigarette, I learned the hard way that the amount of styling mousse I used to get my curly hair to become manageable, is the roughly same amount that causes it to become highly flammable. FML

#20186892
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9593) - you deserved it (27222)

On 12/01/2012 at 5:11pm - health - by Awkward (woman) - Bahrain

Today, on the bus, when I was asking my 6-year-old son what he wanted for Christmas, a stranger came up to us and yelled at him about how Santa Claus is not real, that his "parents are fucking liars" and that he should "never listen to anything one of those fuckers says." FML

#20200046
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30048) - you deserved it (2900)

On 12/11/2012 at 2:15am - kids - by n1a1t1h1a1n1 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm breaking up with her because she's very abusive. After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, she kicked me in the nuts and ran away. FML

#20189170
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27333) - you deserved it (3683)

On 12/03/2012 at 6:53am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, I went to church for the first time in my life. They had a Jesus statue at the altar, and I noticed he was surprisingly muscular. Ten minutes later, I had to excuse myself, after I caught myself fantasizing over a crucified Jesus. FML

#20432015
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10188) - you deserved it (34563)

On 12/30/2012 at 1:39pm - misc - by Weirdo (woman) - United States

Today, after ranting to my boyfriend about how Pandora bracelets are pointless and cliched and that I'd never spend that kind of money on a tiny charm, he gave me my Christmas present. It was a Pandora bracelet. FML

Today, I went to bed with a bra on. I woke up with no bra on. My brother had a friend sleep over last night. I wonder where my bra went. FML

#20434205
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36038) - you deserved it (3721)

On 12/31/2012 at 3:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while going on a jog through the countryside, I discovered that it is actually possible outside of crappy TV shows to have a rifle leveled at you, and to be shouted at to, "Get off my land." FML

#20432522
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20663) - you deserved it (16248)

On 12/30/2012 at 6:48pm - misc - by fuckinghicks (man) - United States

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

#20399775
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34070) - you deserved it (8340)

On 12/14/2012 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by sucks at sucking (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)



FML's blog

  • FML's Thanksgiving Special: TGS
  • As many of us know through popular culture, today is Thanksgiving in the US. Come on, we’ve all seen a TV show involving a Thanksgiving dinner or plans to do so that have gone awry due to one of the main…

Wednesday 26 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: