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October 2012

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Today, I got a text message from my boss that read, "You've been very bad. Severe punishment is in order." I'm not sure whether I should be turned on or terrified. FML

Today, I had a cyst in my butt removed. The doctors had to make a hole, and then fill it with gauze before sending me home. As soon as I got back, my sister decided to kick me in the butt as hard as she could. FML

by hurtinrealbad / 10/16/2012 at 1:25pm / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2012 at 1:45am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my husband and I decided to tell our sixteen-year-old daughter that she's adopted. Her response was, "Thank God!" FML

by best_mom_ever / 10/19/2012 at 3:59am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids

Today, my seemingly normal girlfriend decided to erase every girl's name out of my phone. Family and all. FML

by DCarreon / 10/04/2012 at 3:13am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is four months pregnant. She can't wait for us to be parents. I guess she forgot that I haven't seen her in 7 months. FML

by 3023-dang / 10/15/2012 at 4:27pm / United States / Love

Today, I got back my history paper. The whole paper had been crossed out and at the end, my professor had written "Really?!" I still don't know what I did wrong. FML

by winterbee123 / 10/25/2012 at 4:07am / United States (Oregon) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML

by not as scarred as he should be / 10/18/2012 at 2:19pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML

by Dino / 10/12/2012 at 2:36am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the hospital in labor expecting a baby boy. I ended the day with identical twins, a baffled doctor, and a husband convinced that our sons can clone themselves. FML

by CutestBoysEver / 10/29/2012 at 9:30pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, I had my first orgasm. Unfortunately, it was during breakup sex. FML

by Depression... / 10/10/2012 at 2:01am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend told me that the main reason he was dating me was because he was intimidated by pretty girls. FML

by Lisa / 10/01/2012 at 5:09pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML

by Andrew / 10/30/2012 at 2:08am / United States (Washington) / Love