Today, my husband's daughter told us that she's 5 months pregnant. I'm going to be a step grandmother and I'm only 23 years old. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10859) - you totally deserved it (25099)
On 10/26/2009 at 12:27am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Agreeing, if her husband has a daughter that's old enough to become pregnant he must be way older then her. The average age for girls to hit puberty at is now 12.75 which is almost 13...and even if she was 13 if the husband was 23 also he would've been 10 when he had her and that's a whole nother kind of messed up. What did OP expect when she married an older man with a (most probably) teenage daughter??
Let's say that, theoretically, the husband is not creepy old. The formula for the maximum difference in age without it being creepy is age/2+7. So, the oldest the husband could be without it being creepy is 32. If we assume that they JUST got married, and dated for more than a few weeks before getting married, I'd say the OP was probably 22 when they met, and the husband could've been 30 at most without it being creepy. So if the husband is now 31, then either he had his daughter at 15 and his daughter is 15 now, or maybe he was 16 and she's 14, or some other combination.
Or he's a creepy old dude who marries younger women.
Either way, YDI for either marrying an old guy, or for marrying a guy who had a kid when he was a teenager. You picked a classy guy, and so you get a guy with an obviously classy daughter. YDI.
@birds,
Just curious, did you get that equation from XKCD? I remember seeing something similar on there a while ago!
The "half plus 7" rule has been around way longer than XKCD. I like Randall as much as the next nerd, but he is not the progenitor of every funny thing he uses in his comics.
#91 - On 10/26/2009 at 12:26pm by littlegolferboy
i could see this. The stepdaughter is 13 years old, and the husband is around 27-30 years old, which means he got a girl pregnant when he was 14-17 years old, which is possible. Its possible hes older than her.
#137 - On 10/26/2009 at 4:51pm by RavensRule97
how old is ur husband?
well most girls r at least like 12 by time they mature n can actually have a kid (not sure wat 12 yr old does but u nvr kno w/ some girls ne more x.x shame) n 4 u to marry him he'd have to be at least 18...
YDI for complaining!!! u shouldnt of married a guy that much older than u then...
you posted this cause u wanted ppl to say how much u deserve that >.>
#138 - On 10/26/2009 at 4:55pm by inconvienentgurl
Well, OP, my 36 year old step-mother, who is a VERY proud step-grandmother always says the same thing about that matter: "That's what happens when you marry old people."
#169 - On 10/26/2009 at 9:08pm by americayay
Ergh that's something you just don't want to have to deal with until you're way older! Your husband must be pretty old hehe
#2 - On 10/26/2009 at 6:33am by fireandice27
Can't it be both? 56 year old guy with a 15 year old daughter would tick both boxes.
#49 - On 10/26/2009 at 9:17am by flying_vegan
Or to be more technical about it, you'd only be a step-grandmother. Not so bad when you put it that way is it? Still, the kids are going to call you gran whatever the case.
#7 - On 10/26/2009 at 6:35am by Mutsumi
Yeah, and when your husband will die of old age, you'll be only 50.
Think before you act...
#8 - On 10/26/2009 at 6:39am by DumbStruck79
Or she could be older, like 60. You do realize there are tons of people who lose their spouse at or before age 60 to things other than old age? Do you think they'd go back and not marry the person if they knew they'd be widowed/a widower a couple decades before they thought? Maybe they'd rather only spend thirty or forty years with someone they're madly in love with than fifty or sixty years with someone they can stand.
#62 - On 10/26/2009 at 10:29am by adelaide_evening
The only way I could think of it is if you were pregnant at 11. That or since you said your husband's daughter, I'd assume your husband is much older than you (and that's a little creeping in itself, if he's old enough to have a grandchild and you're 23). I think #2 is more likely.
#9 - On 10/26/2009 at 6:40am by SaintJimmy
So let's say her husband's 30. He knocked up a girl at 15, and somehow managed to gain custody of the child (actually, he doesn't even need to for this to work). Then the daughter got knocked up at 15.
A 7-year (or so) age discrepancy between husband/wife wouldn't be too bad....
This is almost exactly what I was just typing. So yeah, THIS.
#13 - On 10/26/2009 at 6:45am by Intoxicunt
Agreed! My parents are 7 years apart, so it's really not that unusual. I also know many couples who are anywhere from 6 to 15 years apart. The older you are, the less it seems to matter to people.
Still, I can see why the OP is feeling weirded out. :)
#16 - On 10/26/2009 at 6:47am by baffledkitten
She obviously married a much older man and his daughter can be about the same age as the OP.
To me the funny part is that if the OP has kids with her old husband, then the daughter's kid is going to have aunts and uncles younger than it.
He would need custody to take care of his daughter... they wern't talking about custody of the new baby.
Well, technically he doesn't _need_ to have custody. Just having brought the daughter into the world was enough for this to work.
this is the stuff im learning in math..
they should make a question like this
if suzies step mom is 23, and you're pregnant, how old is the dad?
i wouldnt be able to figure it out
Yeah that might be how it is, but its pretty rare for a mother to get knocked up at 15 then have that daughter get knocked up 15 also, so he most likely is over 30.
I have to say, I am in the same boat, except I will be 30 when I am a grandma by my step son. :( No fun at all. My hubby and I are 7 years different. Although, 23 would be a bit more freakier, why did you get married so young?
#15 - On 10/26/2009 at 6:47am by strwbri202
YDI you didn't HAVE to marry the guy knowing his daughter could become pregnant. Besides, you're not even biologically a grandma. I don't see anything FML-ish here.
#18 - On 10/26/2009 at 6:51am by LadyOfLannister
Hang on... knowing his daughter 'could become pregnant'?
"Hey will you marry me?"
"Can your daughter have kids?"
"Erm... probably...that's a bit of... a weird...answer..."
"Nope, I can't marry you. The idea that people might possibly reproduce without my written consent is just too horrifying for me to bear"
Although you're right that there's no FML here on the OP's part. The daughter on the other hand has a severely F'd L now.
#51 - On 10/26/2009 at 9:24am by flying_vegan
oh my lord, i nearly lost conciousness at your comment flying_vegan. too funny.
#77 - On 10/26/2009 at 11:29am by Pillowinmyface
I meant that she married him with the knowledge that his daugher is OLD ENOUGH to get pregnant, she should have considered the possibility of it.
#145 - On 10/26/2009 at 5:26pm by LadyOfLannister
It would be an issue for me too. Maybe some people, who probably didn't really want the daughter to become their problem anyway, also don't want a granddaughter at the age of 23. I know I wouldn't be ready for it by a long shot. She may want to like, ENJOY her life a little before some (more than likely) kid sticks her with another kid because she's too young to take care of it properly herself.
#20 - On 10/26/2009 at 6:59am by Intoxicunt
@ 20: She shouldn't have married the guy if she "didn't really want the daughter to become their problem anyway". The daughter was part of the deal that she signed up for.
I don't think this post is really FML worthy, because she DID sign up for the deal. If she wasn't ready to have grandchildren @ 23, she should have thought about that before marrying a guy who has a daughter from a previous relationship.
and to all of those who say a step-grandchild doesn't really count, ya'll are stupid. I love all my grandparents, the biological and the "step". And I was never treated any differently then my "step"-sisters were by them.
Idk, I wouldn't want to deal with my man's family, most likely, but that isn't enough of a problem to keep us apart. Just because you don't exactly prefer to deal with every aspect of your significant other doesn't mean you shouldn't be with them.
#46 - On 10/26/2009 at 9:08am by Intoxicunt
There's a difference between dealing with your man's family (i.e. inlaws, siblings) and dealing with your man's child. If you're marrying somebody who has a child then you are agreeing to become a mother, not just a wife. If you're still at the point where you want to enjoy your life without responsibilities then don't get married.
#57 - On 10/26/2009 at 10:02am by wienerwagon
It doesnt matter biologically.... but it matters because a child changes the family family dynamic. And that effects not only the immediate family (i.e. mother/father of child) but also the extended family- including but not limited to the parents of the new parents. Being the grandfather's wife, she is now somewhat obligated to care about the goings on in her spouses family.
Way to miss the point. I was saying that people deal with things they don't particularly prefer to for their significant others. My boyfriends probably didn't want to deal with my PMS monthly. In fact, I'm quite sure they didn't. But it's part of me, so they did. And I disagree with you. The kid, theoretically, has two parents already. You agree to be a STEP-parent when you get married. My mom hasn't remarried, but her bf lives with us. I'd be incredibly, ridiculously livid if he thought he was now my father. I have one of those. He will never, ever be my father. Just like the OP will never be the girl's mother. She can, if they both want to, be a second mother of sorts, but it's no requirement. Also, I didn't say someone wants to live without responsibility. I was just saying maybe they didn't exactly sign up for taking care of someone else's kid like that. I'd be pissed too.
#104 - On 10/26/2009 at 1:37pm by Intoxicunt
How is this not an FML? I think it's safe to say that the last thing parents want to deal with is a pregnant teenager. I agree that the daughters life is more fucked but I think OP's life is pretty fucked as well.
#126 - On 10/26/2009 at 3:45pm by surferbabe
Who's to say the girls a teenager. I love how everyone is assuming this girl is a teenager, and, true, she might be, but she could be OLDER than the OP for all we know. Something for you to think about....
Depending on how old the guy is, the daughter doesn't even have to be that young. She could be in her 20's or older.
#162 - On 10/26/2009 at 7:32pm by sjx
Your analogy doesn't really work at all. Unless your boyfriends were picking up chicks at the playground they were going to have to deal with PMS no matter who they dated. It was an unavoidable quality for them. There are plenty of men who do not have children, on the other hand, and if you're not prepared for the responsibilities of being a mother then you shouldn't marry a man that does. Notice how I said "a mother" in both of my posts. This is because whether you're the biological mother or the step-mother, you're still a mother. You may or may not take on all of the responsibilities that go with that, but you should be prepared to take on some of them.
#202 - On 10/27/2009 at 11:45am by wienerwagon
If your stepdaughter is under age and planning to pawn the kid on you, then definitely an FML. If not, stop whining and celebrate the coming of a new family member, for god's sake.
#22 - On 10/26/2009 at 7:13am by ginger_ahoy
If this is the case and Op wanted children, now she doesn't have to worry about stretch marks and losing 9 months of her life, at 23. She
adopts it, and has a kid.
#30 - On 10/26/2009 at 7:50am by TenebrificTurtle
You are too young to be with a grandfather, even if he is in his mid to late thirties. You are wasting what's left of your youth.
Right. Even if she loves the guy, she's "wasting her youth". Because, no one would like to spend their prime years with someone they love.... Nope, she has to be a gold-digging bitch who's an idiot and throwing her life away. I'm glad we got that cleared up and everyone can look at this so rationally and non-judgmentally.
#64 - On 10/26/2009 at 10:32am by adelaide_evening
Agreed with #64. I'm only 20 and I wanted to have 2 kids by now...why? I dunno, my mother had kids young and I don't like the idea of being in my 50's when my kids are in high school. A lot of my cousins are in their mid 20's now and they have kids and they manage to maintain a perfect balance. Just cause #24 thinks you should be in your late 30's, probably have down syndrome children cause you waited so long and that's likely to happen when you're that age and have kids, and then be old enough to die of a heart attack and it not be weird before you're kids even graduate, doesn't mean the rest of the world see it like that. I think you marry who's right for you, and you have kids when it's right for you, and you become a grandparent when it's right for your child, or step child in this situation. You make your bed, then you lie in it.
ok.... this FML should be from the girl who got pregnant. I think her life is affected more drastically than yours. If you were not wanting to deal with the daughter and her problems you should have thought before getting involved with her dad, remember she was part of his life before you came along.
How old is the girl?
Damn though she sounds like a hoe, but then again if she was 5 months pregnant wouldn't u be tell by now??
All my grandparents are dead, ( I am only 13- the last one died when I was 7).
You should be happy that your 'Step-Children's-Children' will have a Grandma that will live for a long time, so that they can be around you and have a caring grandparent.
I wish I had a Grandparent to see.
#28 - On 10/26/2009 at 7:47am by The_Sock_Queen
stop thinking so mch into these posts they are here for your enjoyment not for you to breakdown this is just someone taking what they belive to be a negative inthere life so please stop being douche bags get off your computer go back to your own life and only read to laugh not to break down im sure you can find much better things to do such as maybe go outside yeah the mythical outside oh no not with the sun and my precious lap top to live my life through everyone elses get it together people
That has got to be one of the longest, if not the longest, run on sentences I have ever set my eyes upon. There was no period at the end of your sentence so it's like it didn't even end.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
..............................
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
'''''''''''''''
????
!!!
These are for you, because you clearly lack them. Please, don't hesitate to use them.
Oiy. Just hope the child doesn't follow in his/her mother's footsteps. Otherwise you could be a step-great-grandmother before you even retire.
Maybe not, you cannot know.
I am 23, and seeing someone who's 53, with a 13 years old daughter.
Now I can't deny the situation is weird (we haven't told anyone yet), but it doesn't make me a hoe or a gold digger. Nor does it makes him an old perv. It just happened, and we feel good together.
I don't have the intention to marry him though, but who knows what can happen next...
sex sure aas hell won't happen. his old ass probably can't get it up
#99 - On 10/26/2009 at 1:25pm by xclegend613
She either can't get anyone her own age or has some serious daddy issues. If money or drugs aren't motivators, there is no reason in the world for a 23 year old to want anything to do with a 53 year old man. Period. There is no justification whatsoever, no matter what all these "its true love!!" pussies cry about.
#116 - On 10/26/2009 at 2:58pm by everydayisFML
Yeah, I mean, we all know that the second someone turns fifty they're practically a walking corpse with an inability to carry on any type of interesting conversation and have to pop Viagra like it's candy.
(sarcasm).
#127 - On 10/26/2009 at 3:46pm by adelaide_evening
EverydayisFML, you're an idiot. Just because she's dating an older man doesn't mean that she "can't get someone her own age," it just means she's fucking attracted to older men. It's like how your attracted to women and not men. Attraction is a factor when choosing a mate. That's why you pick out little quirks in girls you would potentially like to date. Maybe you like a certain nose shape or fuller lips. It doesn't mean that you can't get girls with thin lips, it just means you're looking for a girl that has qualities you find attractive.
#151 - On 10/26/2009 at 6:30pm by Ianslilgoofball
I'm sure the husband's last wife got ditched just because she lost her looks. The only reason guys go for younger girls is to show them off and for the sex. She is just being used and if she doesnt believe that then she is a fool.
sexism against males is SO funny! because nobody actually picks up on the horrible picture painted of them accusing them (lookin' dead at you #161) of being creatures of pure lechery who only use younger women for trophies and then throw them away!
sometimes females really do get more autonomy... they'd be able to get away with being linked to younger guys much more easily (since culturally, older western chicks are denied much more of their own sexuality, so they don't really get accused of lechery as often).
Get over yourself. You married your husband, whom there is a lot of evidence to suggest he is older then you, knowing he had a kid that was most likely roughly 10 years within your age.
YDI for being so damn dramatic for no reason. Don't like it? Divorce him or shut up.
#38 - On 10/26/2009 at 8:39am by TheTruth1428
"Today, after agonizing over it alone for months, I had to tell my dad and his obnoxious trophy wife, who is just a few years older than me, that I'm 5 months pregnant. FML."
#44 - On 10/26/2009 at 8:56am by dancingyrlie
So sorry that her being pregnant is an inconvenience to you.
#47 - On 10/26/2009 at 9:14am by HeatherFTW
The fact that he has a daughter who is old enough to get pregnant, means he is way over 30. Date someone your own age, you are not in high school. YDI
#48 - On 10/26/2009 at 9:16am by AntiChrist7
Because women only like assholes, right?
Isn't that your normal response on FMLs involving any female's relationship?
Why stop now, you were making such a difference in people's lives.
#110 - On 10/26/2009 at 1:48pm by Witchcraft
Who says the man is way older than 30? Males start producing viable sperm when they hit puberty. Hell, my biological father is only 38 now, he and my mother had me when he was only 16 (I was adopted away, but that's beside the point).
Girls can get pregnant for about 30 to 40 years, between the onset of puberty and the onset of menopause. The girl could be 13, or she could be 20, for all we know.
I am 21 years old. My father is 38 years old. I am able to get pregnant (as far as I know), and he is not "way older than 30".
Thus BOTH of your points, #48, fail miserably.
#122 - On 10/26/2009 at 3:28pm by myfriend_youfail
My sentiments exactly. Either the guy's rich or has a foot long tongue...
#52 - On 10/26/2009 at 9:27am by flying_vegan
Or maybe, just MAYBE, she actually loves him.
*gasp* How unheard of!
Presumptuous dumbfucks.
#106 - On 10/26/2009 at 1:45pm by Witchcraft
pretty sure all the people defending this dumbass shit are 15 year old girls or desperate girls in general. Get off the computer and go read some more Twilight. Old ass men and young girls, regardless of being married or not, is disgusting.
#118 - On 10/26/2009 at 3:07pm by everydayisFML
I hate how everyone here thinks its not right to assume things. You have to assume things since FMLs are only 140 characters long. There is no way of knowing for sure if this person is a gold digger, but there is a higher probability that she is, so Icy assumed that, which perfectly okay to do.
No, there is absolutely no reason to assume she is a gold digger. The only "fact" we can even safely assume is the husband is a few years older then the OP - that would be evident by his having a daughter that is at least 11 years old, most likely older.
#180 - On 10/26/2009 at 11:56pm by BLNovelist
#118, you are obviously a whiny twelve-year-old with your own issues. If you're just going to call everyone 15 years old over and over again, you need to go drop a brick on your face to jar your brain back into place.
#205 - On 10/27/2009 at 2:05pm by Witchcraft
You deserve it for having daddy issues and marrying an old man.
#53 - On 10/26/2009 at 9:40am by madderakka
I am dating a 35 year old women who has an adopted daughter that is 6 months younger than I am. Get over it.
Not an FML unless this pours over onto Maury or Springer.
#55 - On 10/26/2009 at 9:45am by jackkerouc9
Liine - i'm pretty sure dating a man 20 years older than you makes you BOTH disgusting, if not necessarily a gold-digger. But he's still old enough to be your dad, making you both gross. Think about it, when you were toddling around in diapers, he was legally drinking. You and the OP clearly both have Daddy issues...
I'm only assuming the OP is embaressed by how old her husband is, which is why it was omitted. YDI for sure.
#59 - On 10/26/2009 at 10:13am by LaUruguaya
@59, don't assume anything, at least until you're old enough to be able to spell.
#90 - On 10/26/2009 at 12:19pm by girlygirl666
Bullshit. You tell that to my boyfriend. He's 14 years my senior and I think I'm pretty damn sure I'm in the relationship for him, thanks.
#185 - On 10/27/2009 at 12:58am by Ianslilgoofball
YDI Id imagine this step daughter is at least 15 or 16 and if you are married to her father then you are a gold digger YTFDI
#60 - On 10/26/2009 at 10:25am by bullshitdetector
dude that's what you get for marrying a guy who's old enough to be your father
did he leave his wife for you?
Sounds like something that would happen to a girl who gets married by 23 to a man with a daughter.
#63 - On 10/26/2009 at 10:31am by dreamfactory
Does your husband know that his nightmare is actually ALL about you and not that his daughter is knocked up? Way to support your husband!
#66 - On 10/26/2009 at 10:44am by patticake1601
Yes, obviously marriage and commitment makes one a whore.
*sigh*
#105 - On 10/26/2009 at 1:40pm by Witchcraft
Just to put it out there..there is absolutely nothing wrong with being with an older man. I am 24, married to a 53 year old. We've been together over 5 years, married for over 2 and have 2 beautiful daughters. We are very happy together. He had never been married before, nor did he have any kids before we had some together...Im in total support of the OPs relationship but what patticake said was spot on...she should be more supportive of her husband than making the situation about her...
#69 - On 10/26/2009 at 10:53am by all4jjl
That's a great story. I wish you all the best.
There seems to be a certain logic to a young woman going with an older man if she craves stability and security. If he has taken care of himself, he can provide her with what younger men can as well as being more established and successful. The other advantage is that their libidos will tend to taper off at the same time.
Women who are regularly horny in their 40's and 50's have their own name: Cougars. Men who are regularly horny in their 40's and 50's are called "men."
Men in their 40's and 50's that are horny are called men but men in their 40's and 50's that are horny to girls 30 years younger than them are called f***** perverts.
Love is love. And I have to say, while I personally like guys within a few years of me, and my partner is only 11 months older than me, there are some pretty fucking hot 40-50 yr olds out there. Hugh Jackman, George Clooney still has a certain charm and charisma, Brad Pitt, Christopher Meloni, Johnny Depp, And there's a reason Pierce was Bond until a few years ago. Stop being so close minded.
Take away their money and their "celebrity" and are they still hot? The guy is attracted to a girl 30 years younger than him. There is a reason why his other marriage probably didnt work out and that is because the wife lost her looks from when she is 20 so he ditched her and found another girl in her 20's. You almost never see a 50 year old remarry to a girl that is 50 or close to it. They almost always go WAY younger.
Quite a few things wrong with what you just said. For starters, in all of those cases, yes they are still attractive. There's a reason they're famous. Take Clooney for instance. NEVER found him at all attractive till I actually sat down and watched a couple of his movies. It's not so much his face, it's more the way he moves, his (to quote myself) charm and charisma, his mannerisms that make him attractive. Same for the others. And hey, I only mentioned them, and not the men I personally know who fit that criteria, because who the hell are they to you? Nobody.
And who are you to judge this other mans marriage??? His former wife could've died. She could've left him. They may have never been married, and this daughter is the product of a one-night stand. They simply could've grown apart. Maybe one of them cheated. Who the hell knows???
Oh and DO they ALWAYS go "WAY younger"? I guess I should call my uncle and my best friend should call her grandfather and we should tell them that they did the wrong thing. They shouldn't have found companionship with someone their own age because everyone else goes "WAY younger". Boy are they going to be embarrassed.
And you don't know how these two people met anyway. Seriously, never judge ANY situation till you have all the facts.
It's funny that you mentioned George Clooney because his gilfriend is what 20 years younger than he is? Then there is Donald Trump who has ditched everyone of his wives when they lost their looks and moved on to a younger girl. Brad Pitt ditched Aniston who was close to his age and went for Angelina who is about 15 years younger than him. Pierce Brosnan's wife is 10 years younger than him, Ryan Reynolds is almost 10 years older than Scarlett Johansson. The latest girl Jack Nickelson has had kids with is almost 30 years younger than him, Robert Duvall's wife is 41 years younger than him, Gene Hackman's wife is 30 years younger, I dont even have to mention Hugh Hefner as well. I could go on forever but you get the point. The fact is that if your uncle and grandfather could get a 20 or 30 year old to date them I guarantee you they would jump on it. You dont know how men act very well. The majority of guys go straight for looks. A lot of us dont care about the girl's personality as long as she is hot. It's shallow but that is how a lot of guys are. I bet if you went up to 95% of older guys on earth, heck 95% of any man on earth, and said if they could have a chance with Megan Fox or Scarlett Johansson that they would take it in a heartbeat and not look back.
Wow, it seems you have a lot to learn. The acts of those men have no bearing whatsoever as to whether or not they're attractive. My uncle is very wealthy and could easily get a trophy wife, but he's happy with his current partner, my partner has turned down much more attractive girls than myself because he LOVES me and he's not a shallow fuck like you seem to be. I feel so very sorry for you.
Well, then you are lucky to have one of those guys that dont care about looks. The majority of them do. I can list a ton of people that divorced their wife once they hit 40 or 50 and now date a 20 or 30 year old. It happens all the time and its disgusting. How am I a shallow fuck for listing the truth? I was the one who started off this disagreement by saying its disgusting that he is with someone that is most likely a lot older than him since his daughter is old enough to have a baby and this girl is only 23 instead of getting someone closer to his age. You are going against your whole argument by calling me a shallow fuck.
Yes it does have to do with them being attractive for the guys that I listed and if it wasnt they wouldnt be dating girls 3 decades younger than them. I love how you are telling a guy that I have a lot to learn about how men act. haha
Like I said, their actions have no bearing on whether they're attractive. It is possible to be attractive and shallow, so again, my argument on older men having the potential to be attractive is safe. And while you may know "many men" that have ditched their missus for a younger model, I actually do not know a single person who has, or has been left for a younger woman, and I know a shitload of people that are 40+.
Also, the OP could be a fugly obese woman for all we know, so it really could be about love. It's not disgusting being with someone older than you when you're in your 20's. Please don't reply. Your cynicism and stupidity is an embarrassment for mankind.
Wow... Everyone posting on your story is stupid. You're in a tough situation now, and you just came here to get a little tension off your chest. Although it seems as if you're husband is probably significantly older then you, why should that be so horrific? If you love him, and it's a healthy relationship for both of you, then what's the problem. Obviously you went in knowing the discrepancy between your ages wouldn't exactly make life easier, but your husband's daughters pregnancy was not something you could have planned for. Your only option now is to make the best of the situation by supporting both your husband and daughter. You may not have the most conventional family, but anyone who cares too much about that should go get a life.
#70 - On 10/26/2009 at 10:54am by NILTIAKNITRAM
...so?
What does it matter?
and at least, at 23, YOUR actual kid isn't having a baby. o_0 that would be... well improbable, depending on their age and the age you had them. hah. But anyways.
HOW does that make your life fucked? boo-hoo.
He must be fairly older and, since he had a daughter, it is fairly obvious she could probably have kids... what I don't get, is why does this affect you AT ALL, just 'cause you're 23? WTF. Get over yourself.
Meh. My grandfather married a woman who has kids younger than I am. It was somewhat weird when I was 16 and my step uncles were 12 and 13.
YDI for marrying an older dude. Your stepdaughter is likely less than ten years younger than you, which equals "ICK" in my book.
#84 - On 10/26/2009 at 12:01pm by IDigSmartLadies
Hmm, let's do some math.
Assuming your husband is 23, the same age as you. I'll say the daughter is 13. 23 - 13 = 10 (your husband's age when he had his kid), which is impossible. So, let's do 13 (your husband's age when he had his kid) + 13 = 26, which would be a normal age for him to marry you. But it's a highly implausible situation. So, instead we'll say he had his kid at 19. 19 + 13 = 32. So your husband is 9 years older than you possibly. Now let's try it with the daughter being 19. 19 + 19 = 38.
In conclusion, your husband is probably anywhere from 9 - 15 years older than you. YDI
Ten is not an IMPOSSIBLE age for parenthood...there have been younger parents recorded.
And, oh no, NINE YEARS older?! Damn, that's ancient.
Will he still be able to provide for her and impregnate her while she is still in her ripe fertile years?
Angelina Jolie is twelve years younger than Brad Pitt, but I've never heard anyone bitch about that fact. He's knocked her up more times than a brother and sister living alone together in the hills, but I guess because he's older, their relationship should burn in hell.
#103 - On 10/26/2009 at 1:35pm by Witchcraft
and you actually think that someone who had a kid at ten years old would be a good person to marry?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!? please please PLEASE tell me you're 15 and just have a LOT of maturing to do....
#119 - On 10/26/2009 at 3:13pm by everydayisFML
I knew I would be attacked by an idiot.
Read my post again. I said ten is not an impossible age for parenthood. I said there have been records of it. It was in response to alex_vik's "Assuming your husband is 23, the same age as you. I'll say the daughter is 13. 23 - 13 = 10 (your husband's age when he had his kid), which is impossible" line.
Did I say it was common? No.
Did I say it was a good idea? No.
Did I mention anything about it other than it was not impossible for a ten-year-old to reproduce if he/she has already hit puberty? No.
So where you got the idea that I thought someone who had a kid at ten was a good person to marry, I haven't got a clue.
*sigh*
You obviously are the one who has growing up to do. So, why don't you do that, and get back to me when you can understand rational thinking.
#130 - On 10/26/2009 at 3:59pm by Witchcraft
I'm with #130. I've come across a few of your comments in this and I agree with a lot of it, if not all. An FYI for #86, there's a girl who has some disease that made her hit puberty within the first few months of her life. She got her first period at a couple months, was having it regularly before age one and was raped and impregnated at age 5. The baby survived and was raised as her sibling (I can't remember what sex it was) They were both told when one of them was I think 16 that she was actually the mother. And while that's a rare case, it's possible to become a parent incredibly young, especially for men, who can physically become fathers BEFORE the age of 10, although in no way, shape or form do I think it's morally ok for that to happen.
Well then why use the term "impossible". The average boy in average cultures can become a father before the age of ten. Maybe not much before, but still. It's more common for them to be producing sperm by ten than not. Stupid people annoy me. Please don't reply.
this is why you teach your kids the importance of birth control BEFORE it becomes an issue.
the schools dont do it anymore, it's up to parents who don't wish to become grandparents to do it.
#87 - On 10/26/2009 at 12:13pm by rockmaster
YDI for either A) marrying an old guy, B) Marrying someone who was dumb enough to have a kid when he was in middle/high school or C) Marrying someone who's too dumb to teach his middle/high school age daughter birth control. I hope you don't procreate with him and make even MORE dumb people.
itt: a bunch of judgmental bitches
true love has no borders; race, gender, and yes, age as well (which is not to say that a man and an 8-year-old can have true love, there is a threshold wherein one must be mature enough to understand and be capable of appropriate reciprocation). who are you to say that she is a gold digger when you don't even know her situation? that's naught but a baseless assumption
oh wait i mean "bloo bloo bloo you married an older man ydi because i'm literally a baby who has no comprehension of how life works a-durrrr"
aight peace ~
#93 - On 10/26/2009 at 12:34pm by literalmanchild
why is everybody assuming that the daughter is in her early teens? when I read it, I thought she was saying she was a trophy wife with a 40-50 year old husband who has a 20-30 year old daughter.
How could you not tell your step-daughter is 5 months pregnant? Unless she was already fat beforehand...Still, a baby bulge is really distinct, isn't it?
#95 - On 10/26/2009 at 12:48pm by DefyingGravity
how is this an FML? oh boo you're going to be a grand-mother, who cares? I feel worse for the daughter in this situation if she is a teenager and worse for the husband if you are a trophy wife and are whining about his grown daughter having a child.
#96 - On 10/26/2009 at 12:52pm by dinosgoRAWRR11
You better give your step-grandbaby lots and lots of purse-candies and spearmint gum!
#98 - On 10/26/2009 at 1:24pm by Witchcraft
wow you should be happy who cares how old you are you clearly shouldn't your dating an older guy
#102 - On 10/26/2009 at 1:29pm by Bassmanjjm33
YDI for marrying an older guy w/ kids and THEN trying to be 'Oh, poor, poor me...'
Whore for attention much?
If you didn't want her to get preg, you shouldn't have kicked her out of the bed.
FtheMotherToBeAndTheBabyLives - can see they aren't going to get any love or support from the self-centered OP b!tch.
Whiny, vain bitch much? You married into the family and that's a package deal. Get over it.
#108 - On 10/26/2009 at 1:46pm by BelaLugosisdead
One takes chances by marrying into a broken family. On the other hand, just like any relationship, you might never know... Also, isn't that assuming that she really is his daughter?
#121 - On 10/26/2009 at 3:21pm by blastvortex
This is exactly why teaching "abstinence only" doesn't work....
#124 - On 10/26/2009 at 3:33pm by surferbabe
She must have gotten pregnant on purpose to make you feel old. Because, you know, it's all about you.
F your step daughter's life. Her dad married someone closer to her age than his.
#133 - On 10/26/2009 at 4:23pm by randomusername
Wow...Why marrying on the age of 23??
o.o
And with a guy that already has a kid?I mean there's nothing wrong with being a guy that has a kid but 23 is sure an early age to take care of a pregnant girl and probably [if the girl is under-age] her child.Also,if the guy is a lot older than you I think you did the wrong decision by marrying a guy that's probably a lot older than you.Not judging or anything,it's your life and I think love doesn't have an age but if I was you I'd probably enjoy life while I'm young while wasting it raising other peoples' kids.
#134 - On 10/26/2009 at 4:23pm by UglyKid345
I'm weirded out for you.
I can't even imagine having kids at 23 much less grandkids. Sheesh.
To make this mor amusing, I am going to pretend he is way old and his daughter is 30.
#135 - On 10/26/2009 at 4:26pm by Loverfli
WTF are you complaining about? YOU DESERVE IT for marrying someone with baggage. DUH.
#136 - On 10/26/2009 at 4:40pm by noshitsherlock
Yes, fuck YOUR life. not the young girl who's pregnant's life. not the person who's going to take care of that child's life.
douche.
#141 - On 10/26/2009 at 5:07pm by scenellamas
I totally agree with noshitsherlock. You're an idiot for being 23 and marrying a guy with a daughter old enough to get pregnant! You deserve it BIG TIME!!
#142 - On 10/26/2009 at 5:07pm by smiley_099
Yes I'm echoing everyone else, but you deserve it if your husband is old enough to have a daughter old enough to get pregnant. And I agree with 133, F that girl's life for her dad marrying someone old enough to be her sister!
#143 - On 10/26/2009 at 5:20pm by morgan_5230
maybe you could be more sensitive. oh no, a baby's coming in to the world! imagine how the daughter feels. imaine how your husband feels. boo hoo you're a step-grandmother. be more compassionate
#144 - On 10/26/2009 at 5:25pm by betterthingstodo
I meant that she married him with the knowledge that his daugher is OLD ENOUGH to get pregnant, she should have considered the possibility of it.
#146 - On 10/26/2009 at 5:30pm by LadyOfLannister
GUYS. ITS IN ARIZONA. FYL
WEIRD THINGS HAPPEN IN ARIZONA...
I WAS LISTENING TO A COMEDIAN'S SHOW ONCE. HE SAID THAT IN ARIZONA, SOME PEOPLE ARE THEIR OWN FATHERS, U GUYS G2 C IT LOL. :O
Did ever think maybe his daughter's like 16 and he's maybe 32-34? How is it impossible? You guys honestly take this shit to seriously.
#153 - On 10/26/2009 at 6:49pm by Born_to_be_down
Say whatever you wanna say about love has no age, fine. But if you're gonna marry someone who has a kid and/or is that much older than you, you should expect it. don't complain to us about it. end of story.
Fyl for marrying someone so much older than you that HIS daughter is already 5 months pregnant. Damn.
You guys, he may not be THAT much older. My baby-sitter had her first when she was 17, and her 17 year old daughter just had a baby 6 months ago. She's 34. So theoretically, the OP's husband could be 34, and she's 23. Is that such a horrible age difference? And even if there is a larger age difference, who cares? Their marriage will probably last longer than most of the people's marriages who are bitching about the age difference.
You know what? I think you all really need to chill out about the age thing. Love doesnt have a number, or a preference, sometimes you cannot help who you fall in love with. I am 24 and my husband is 46, yes hes 22 years older than me, we met when I was 22. I love him like a fish loves the fresh clean water of the open sea... or lake lol...
My husband has a 28 year old son that was born when my husband was 17. I married in as a step-grandma. My best friend is his sons girlfriend and the mother of my step grandchildren. We all get along well.... It was weird at first to be considered a step-grandma, or grandma for that matter at my age but it really doesnt bother me, I love the kids! I love my husband! You can comment and say I am sick for loving a man of his age (or a man with that much difference in age between us) but I will tell you one thing. Every blue collared nice guy my age ended up abusing me, just like my father and mother did. I finally met a man that only puts his hands on me in a loving and gentle manner! So this lifestyle may not be one that fits you all but don't judge someone elses happiness! You dont want people telling you that you are sick or that you cant be with the person you love... So dont talk that way to others its just in bad taste!
Hmm. Either your stepdaughter is a whore, or you are.
#173 - On 10/26/2009 at 10:41pm by triplethreat13
how old is your husband and how old is that slurry daughter? what a whore
#177 - On 10/26/2009 at 11:13pm by moist_towelettes
For all the people who have posted about them having healthy relationships with older men, thats great for you, more power to you. But OP is one of those people who got into the relationship but didnt think it through, and what the relationship entails, now her husband might be mature enough to handle the new responsibility, but she clearly isnt. Now the husband has two deal with his daughter whose pregnant as well as his wife, who is clearly going hysterical over the fact that she will be a grandmother. So the question really is, are all the healthy relationships the rule, and OP's case being an exception, or whether the healthy relationships of other posters are the exception and OP's case the rule?
I would say if you dont have the level of maturity to match with your mate, and take on your fair share of responsibility, then dont do it!
#1 - You married someone who already has children, regardless of their age. They should be more important than you. FAR more important than you.
#2 - If you married someone old enough to have children of child-bearing age, and you're only 23, then that's really, really disgusting, and also your own damn fault.
Suck it up, Princess. Next time marry someone who doesn't have children, especially children close to your age, you selfish, whiny little whore.
#188 - On 10/27/2009 at 1:16am by ladycoyote
YDI it for marrying a guy old enough to be your dad with a daughter old enough to be your sister.
#189 - On 10/27/2009 at 1:22am by MoobyTheCow
I will not say YDI nor FYL. If you married a man older than you and your in love with each other it's ok, but before marrying you knew he has child so just be happy for her if she is at a reasonnable age to have children, you will not be a real grandmother anyway
Would be funny if the daughter turns out to be 21 and happily married as well, excited to start her family.
Everyone here assumes she is a teenage slut...
#194 - On 10/27/2009 at 4:02am by DumbStruck79
To everyone who has a problem with age differences:
My father is 49 and his wife if 27, he's is not a prevert nor is he creepy. Age is only a number, you are only as old as you feel. I am almost 20 and happily married, both, my step-mother and I, are trying to get pregnant :-) I know that I have a GREAT father and so will the child that they conceive reguardless of the fact that he is almost 50. Also, my sister turned 18 eight days before my step-mother turned 23 so it is not uncommon or creepy at all for older men to marry younger women.
P.S. My ex-step-mother is 15 years younger than my father and my mother is 5 years younger.
Hey, good that worked out for you, but have you considered the fact that both men and women who reproduce at an older age carry the risk that their children might be born with physical or mental problems. it is not gonna happen in every case but they are more at risk, i dont need everyone bashing me on this because their dad had them when they were older, but am just trying to show the other side of the coin. having a baby is great, but if for tht joy you are risking the health of your future child then thats wrong, because the child has to live with it for the rest of his life, its just something people should consider.
As for the other case, it worked well with you and it is ok with you, but there are a lot of people in society that arent, and it is their opinion, they have as much of a right to express it as anyone else. sure they should express it in a respectful manner, but for all those who are very openminded on this page and trying to tell others off, how come your open mindedness does not allow other people to have and express their own opinions?
I like this story. When you're a teenager, age is a big deal, but as you get into your 20's and so on it becomes more and more irrelevant.
#199, with men, age is not an issue. The only issue is he may possibly become less fertile.
And I don't know if it's everyone's only "open-minded" to their own opinions, but maybe more narrow-mindedness and prejudice is looked down on by those who have the decency to consider all the facts and not judge and condemn based on a short paragraph.
I agree with Marrajane. The reason there is a higher risk of mental or physical deficiencies is because the fertility and ability to grow a child is slowing down.
#207 - On 10/27/2009 at 2:12pm by Witchcraft
yes, but marrajane is wrong where he/she said that there is no risk to the child from older fathers, yes they are harder to concieve but even if they are concieved they are at a higher risk for psychological diseases like schizophrenia. I learnt this in my psychology class, where they went into factors that lead to some psychological illnesses. These arent made up by me, there are studies done scientifically that find this link. Am not trying to bash older fathers but if someone is considering having a baby they should look at all these factors and consider the risks as well. Lets face it the parents might love their child regardless of their deficiences but they cant always be there for the child, and it will be a lifelong hardship for the poor child.
As for the thing about opinion and this is in reference to marrajane's comment, this is a public forum, everyone has a right to voice their opinion. No one needs to go around telling other people how to think. OP posted her situation on a public forum so they should expect that not everyone will be sympathetic towards their situation. If they are wrong by judging OP and people like her, then neither are you right by calling them close minded. Why do u expect everyone to be as "openminded" as you? Who made you the judge to decide how everyone should think. If they are wrong for judging her then you are wrong for judging them as close minded just from a small comment
You're kind of selfish, aren't you? Instead of looking for ways to help, you're whining because you're going to be a grandmother. If you're feeling trapped in the life you chose for yourself, you have no one to blame but yourself.
#204 - On 10/27/2009 at 11:49am by containsnosoy
Huh......kind of got nothing to say to this. Just wow.
It's not like you're the young one getting pregnant. If the daughter's pregnant then that's her issue to deal with. The most you can do is support her or if you wanna be really hating, you can just not do anything about it at all.
Here is the link that lists the risks, if anyone doubts the authencity of the website they can go and look up the individual studies/experiments if they want:
http://www.mothers35plus.co.uk/older-fathers.htm
if you're not mature enough to deal with things like these, you shouldn't have married someone with a daughter who's probably 6 or so years younger than you. YDI
#213 - On 10/27/2009 at 5:53pm by savrakekilled
you deserved it for marrying a man with a daughter old enough to have children
#214 - On 10/27/2009 at 6:10pm by DestineeSaysss
thats what you get for ruining your life by getting married so young, and for marrying an old ass man! FOOL
I don't see what you're complaining about.
You just became the best gilf ever
#216 - On 10/27/2009 at 7:28pm by jebusandme
Ok i just don't get how you people can say she deserved it. So she obviously married an older man with a (most likely) teen aged step-daughter but honestly, you cant help who you fall for. Haven't you heard "age is but a number"?? and yes it sucks you now are a step-grandma but its not really an fml
#220 - On 10/27/2009 at 9:29pm by vita_es_una_puta
so, we can guess that you're closer to your step-daughter in age than your husband, and there's a good chance that you'll also be closer to your step-granddaughter in age. hahaha
#222 - On 10/27/2009 at 11:33pm by lyssalicious
you know what? fuck you's.
yes, i'm only 15 but you know what?
omg, i'm laughing my ass off because after seeing what i'm gonna write, you dickheads will hide in your little shame hole.
my mum and dad were in love ok? my dad is 17 years older? whooo~ scary. you gonna start bashing on me too?
they loved each other so to all you's saying she's a gold-digger or shit. imagine if u were in the OP's fucking place, and i'm telling you to fuck off because you actually deserve it.
#225 - On 10/28/2009 at 7:43am by yummylolly15
Really...you're 15 and posting like that...If you were my daughter, I'd hand u ur ass, then yank all ur computer and phone privelages...attitudes like yours are 1/2 the reason there are so many grandparents playing parent to their grandchildren.
#231 - On 11/01/2009 at 4:15am by ljwoller
And if I were living under someone as self-righteous as you, I'd get a job and fuck off.
#233 - On 11/02/2009 at 5:00am by readsthepaper
Ok let's think about this.
Stepdaughter is possibly, what, 17 maybe?
And let's guess the father was a reasonable age, say 25, when stepdaughter was born.
That makes the father 42. And you're 23??
And to yummylolly15 (#225) - age gaps become more and more negligible the older you get. So for example, a 35 year old marrying a 52 year old is far more acceptable than, say, a 22 year old marrying a 39 year old. A 39 year old has simply experienced far more life than a 22 year old, (generally) has maturity way beyond a 22 year old... it's like chalk and cheese. Why is it not surprising this is his second marriage? He's gone for a younger, better looking woman. My grandfather's second wife (my Nanna) was 16 years younger than him too.
And to vita_es_una_puta (#220) - you still believe that "you can't help who you fall for"?? I'm 21 and I learnt years ago that you damn sure can help who you fall for.
Anyway, why is this an FML anyway? You knowingly married a guy who had a daughter who is probably only a few years younger than you. You'd have to expect you were going to have step-grandkids before your 30th birthday.
eff the OP if anyone in this situation has a fml story its the girl that is about to be a teenage mother and has a dumb ass for a step mom, not to mention the age difference between the daughter and the op is probably less then the difference in age between the father and the op... f her life
YDI FOR MARRYING A GUY WITH A DAUGHTER OLD ENOUGH TO HAVE HER OWN KIDS WHEN YOU ARE ONLY 23. what, you didn't think about that before you married the guy?
f HER life that her father remarried someone young enough to be her older sister.... and that you think everything is about you.
you're the fucking stepmom. be supportive, not complain because you're going to be a grandmother. YOUR FAULT.
I am a step-grandmother of a 2 year old and am only 27 without any children of my own, so I understand how this girl feels. While I now love my granddaughter to pieces and wouldn't change our family for the world it was very difficult when my husband's then 15 year old told us that she was having a baby. When I made the decision to be with him, I was 23 and he was 36, I understood that he had two teenagers, however that is much different than an infant grandchild who we now also support because obviously a now 17 year old mother who is still in high school (thank God) cannot possibly do on that her own. For all those who were trying to figure out the math, in our situation- there is a 13 year age difference between my husband and I, he had his daughter at age 21, she gave birth at age 15, and she and I are 10 years apart. It's really not all that unusual.
Don't take this as being rude, because I'm only assuming here, but if you're gold-digging then you completely deserve it. In fact, the daughter may have just made a point there.
#232 - On 11/02/2009 at 4:56am by readsthepaper
I'm sort of in the same boat. My fiance is 40, his daughter is 22 and her son is 2. I am 23 years old. Only difference is I don't consider it a "FML" because I love my fiance and his family which will soon become mine as well.
People..you can't help who you fall in love with :)
#234 - On 11/06/2009 at 10:49pm by hottblooded
YOU-MARRIED-A-GEEEEEZERRRRRRRRRRRRRR seriously, if the girl's old enough to have kids, you're young enough to be her sister. Which would make your "husband" your father. You're weird. Maybe marry someone who doesn't have gray hair next time, dumb shit.
how is this a fml? poor you for becoming a stepgrandmother...
#236 - On 11/08/2009 at 10:10am by bored690
