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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I visited my son at his university accommodations and noticed he's clearly never cleaned it since he moved in two years ago. I tried cleaning it myself, but gave up entirely when I found what looked like mushrooms growing out of an old takeout container. FML

#21524464
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16741) - you deserved it (1893)

On 02/09/2016 at 4:35pm - kids - by Pauline (woman) - United States

Today, my son wanted to be Spiderman. He found the biggest spider he could outside and let it bite his hand. He's staying overnight in the hospital. FML

#21522558
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22108) - you deserved it (2072)

On 02/03/2016 at 9:04pm - kids - by Spooderman (woman) - United States

Today, I walked in on my son's new habit. Sticking his finger up his ass, farting on it, and smelling it. Apparently, the scent is the purest then. FML

#21521749
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21291) - you deserved it (2015)

On 02/01/2016 at 10:54am - kids - by notsoproudfather - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I rushed over to stop my infant daughter from falling off her swing. Luckily just before she hit the ground, I woke up. Unfortunately, I woke up because I'd rolled off my bed and hit the floor. FML

#21521050
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18221) - you deserved it (1602)

On 01/30/2016 at 3:56am - kids - by MandieL - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my whack job of a father told my 8-year-old son that his cat deserves a bullet to the head for being so damn stupid. FML

Today, at my daughter's fundraiser, I noticed that a guy with a face only a fist could love kept staring at her. I said "Beautiful, isn't she?" Before I could tell him to keep it in his damned pants, he replied "Hah. She's my girlfriend, dude. Total beast in the sack." Complete news to me on both counts. FML

#21520041
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24669) - you deserved it (2720)

On 01/27/2016 at 11:35am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, I got a new babysitting job. Every time the little girl goes to the bathroom, she screams and cries until I wipe her. She's 7 years old. FML

#21519668
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19808) - you deserved it (1463)

On 01/26/2016 at 1:09pm - kids - by justsomesummer (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my son became convinced that his father cheated and we put the fertilized egg inside me to cover the whole thing up. He won't stop calling me "host mother". FML

#21519206
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21692) - you deserved it (1817)

On 01/25/2016 at 9:09am - kids - by anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my 17 year old told me he wanted to pursue a career in art. Knowing he's extremely talented at drawing, I congratulated him and told him to pursue that dream. A few hours later I learn that he's been arrested for spray painting graffiti dicks all over a school wall. Well, he's famous now. FML

#21517961
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21540) - you deserved it (2024)

On 01/21/2016 at 9:21pm - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I met up with my dad for the first time in 7 years. We planned to go to a nice restaurant but he changed the place we were going to, to Chuck E. Cheese. I'm 18 years old. I waited an hour for him to show up. I then ended up babysitting his daughter the whole time. FML

#21517950
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21581) - you deserved it (1406)

On 01/21/2016 at 8:55pm - kids - by anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML

#21517322
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19575) - you deserved it (3167)

On 01/20/2016 at 9:27am - kids - by lambeaster (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I took my two-year-old daughter to the dentist for her first check-up. We were at the front desk when she tripped, fell and chipped her front tooth on the marble floor. FML

#21516953
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20091) - you deserved it (1338)

On 01/19/2016 at 12:03pm - kids - by moosemay (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I was knocked unconscious by the 10 year-old I was babysitting because it was his younger sister's bedtime and he didn't want her to go. When I came to, their mother was screaming at me for sleeping on the job. In the middle of the kitchen floor. I lost a job and gained a killer headache. FML

#21516384
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20923) - you deserved it (1365)

On 01/17/2016 at 8:48pm - kids - by kids shouldnt have hard sports equipment (woman) - Australia (South Australia)



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