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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my son gave me a bottle of shampoo for my birthday. I'm as bald as a coot. FML

#21282364
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5651) - you deserved it (513)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:41am - kids - by Bald (man) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today, I caught my 15-year-old son trying to roll catnip into a joint and smoke it. FML

#21281464
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23285) - you deserved it (2945)

On 10/19/2014 at 11:48pm - kids - by Bad Dad - United States (Colorado)

Today, after waiting for years for my oldest daughter to grow out of Twilight, my younger daughter discovered it. FML

#21281374
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24733) - you deserved it (2394)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:20pm - kids - by team hit bella with a car (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my 7-year-old used the word "crap". When I told her that she mustn't use that word because it's rude, she simply replied, "Mother, you should hear the words I use at school." FML

#21281207
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22970) - you deserved it (3587)

On 10/19/2014 at 4:58pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML

#21280942
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28214) - you deserved it (3559)

On 10/19/2014 at 7:22am - kids - by how about never? (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML

#21280509
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29294) - you deserved it (10189)

On 10/18/2014 at 3:29pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML

#21279992
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26193) - you deserved it (2874)

On 10/17/2014 at 6:30pm - kids - by KayyElOh94 - United States

Today, my wife pressed a button in the elevator and quickly ran out, leaving me in there with my crying baby. When the elevator arrived at the floor, the doors opened on a wedding reception. The doors couldn't have taken any longer to close again FML

#21276854
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33734) - you deserved it (3182)

On 10/13/2014 at 11:42am - kids - by Anonymous - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my son drank a bottle of hot sauce. It wasn't a dare, he actually thought that it would give him a fever so that he could skip school tomorrow. This idiot is 15 years old. FML

#21276472
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34161) - you deserved it (4272)

On 10/12/2014 at 8:38pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my son was crying because he's afraid he might get Ebola. We live in Maine, and he's 16. FML

Today, I got roped into a volunteering thing at the last minute. I was waiting outside with all these kids who looked hungry. Feeling bad, I passed around crisps and cookies. Turns out we were at a convention to promote healthy eating in malnourished children. FML

#21274410
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28250) - you deserved it (4890)

On 10/09/2014 at 6:17pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my son was smart enough to hack the school's computers to change his midterm, but isn't smart enough to actually keep his grades up. FML

#21273806
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33695) - you deserved it (3520)

On 10/08/2014 at 9:12pm - kids - by thenegatives - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML



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