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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Today, trying to pocket a little extra cash for himself, my dad responded to multiple babysitting ads on Craigslist, accepting them all on my behalf. I despise children with all my heart. FML

#18985606 (150)

I agree, your life sucks (1233) - you deserved it (284)

On 02/03/2012 at 5:49pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home from work and went into the bathroom. I saw a poo on the toilet lid, and thinking it was a trick toy that my son had got to trick me, I picked it up. It wasn't a toy. FML

#18983389 (105)

I agree, your life sucks (2320) - you deserved it (1906)

On 02/03/2012 at 10:49am - kids - by AvengedSevenX - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I had to explain to my 18-year-old daughter why she can't pull a duck face pose for her driver's license. She still doesn't believe me. FML

#18982251 (205)

I agree, your life sucks (4200) - you deserved it (519)

On 02/03/2012 at 2:58am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I finally got my stubborn toddler to take an afternoon nap after an hour and a half of wrestling with her. Ten minutes later, a UPS package arrived at my door. The UPS man decided it would be a good idea to ring my doorbell repeatedly in rapid-fire sequence as he was walking away. FML

#18974357 (123)

I agree, your life sucks (5139) - you deserved it (462)

On 02/02/2012 at 2:07am - kids - by Insomniac (woman) - United States

Today, my son learned that when you slide a mug across the kitchen table, it doesn't stop where you expect it to like in the old cartoons. I then learned what it feels like to have a full mug of hot chocolate spilled onto my crotch. FML

#18972583 (63)

I agree, your life sucks (3962) - you deserved it (538)

On 02/01/2012 at 10:11pm - kids - by Bruce (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my son sprayed our white couch with Febreze. This would have been great, were the "Febreze" not actually black spray paint. FML

#18969036 (188)

I agree, your life sucks (5401) - you deserved it (706)

On 02/01/2012 at 2:35pm - kids - by Anonymous -

Today, my nine year old stepson overheard me telling my husband that I was almost out of my favorite shampoo, and since it was discontinued, I couldn't buy any more. He got in the shower and happily emptied the bottles down the drain. FML

#18960486 (245)

I agree, your life sucks (6487) - you deserved it (1017)

On 01/31/2012 at 12:31pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got to be an innocent victim caught in the middle of a farting war between my boyfriend and my 10-year-old son. I fear my sense of smell will never recover. FML

#18958302 (114)

I agree, your life sucks (5413) - you deserved it (1048)

On 01/31/2012 at 1:22am - kids - by beautifulme (woman) - United States

Today, my little brother went through all the artistic anatomy reference books and colored in all the nipples and penises with a bright pink sharpie. These books were from the library. FML

#18957870 (86)

I agree, your life sucks (5411) - you deserved it (580)

On 01/31/2012 at 12:16am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I came home to the nanny passed out on the couch from too much alcohol, my 2-year-old alone and locked in the bathroom, and my house in a complete wreck. To top it off, it's the day my mother in law, who hates me, is coming to visit from New York. FML

#18949118 (147)

I agree, your life sucks (8163) - you deserved it (814)

On 01/30/2012 at 12:24am - kids - by myself - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate for the first time in several months. Then we heard our son yelling from the other room needing my help. He needed me to scratch his foot because the cat was on his lap and he couldn't reach it. FML

#18930916 (126)

I agree, your life sucks (7327) - you deserved it (951)

On 01/28/2012 at 1:27am - kids - by footscratching - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be "funny" to put laxatives in the cakes for my son's 7th birthday party. Over 40 kids came to the party. FML

#18912466 (259)

I agree, your life sucks (9503) - you deserved it (963)

On 01/25/2012 at 11:18pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "shit", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother". FML

#18892248 (206)

I agree, your life sucks (6959) - you deserved it (1747)

On 01/23/2012 at 6:26pm - kids - by gloria77 (woman) - United States