Today, I berated my five-year-old nephew for peeing on the floor. His mom bitched me out for expecting "a little boy to have perfect aim." That's funny, it looked pretty good when he dropped his pants, looked me in the eyes, and started to piss on my rug. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32631) - you deserved it (2081)
On 05/20/2013 at 7:57am - kids - by AuntPeePee - United States
Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38133) - you deserved it (5263)
On 05/19/2013 at 2:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, the couch I bought a week ago was delivered. I don't know which is worse: my son being the one to point out it's been "used", or that he used a black light to prove it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38576) - you deserved it (3404)
On 05/19/2013 at 3:35am - kids - by disappointed dad - United States
Today, I stepped out of the kitchen to yell at my kids for running in the house. I had just mopped the floor, and did not want them to fall. I fell while yelling and twisted my ankle. At least they know it's dangerous now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32594) - you deserved it (7429)
On 05/16/2013 at 5:50pm - kids - by meepdaleap - United States (Virginia)
Today, I found out I'm actually the uncle of my children. All four of them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (77864) - you deserved it (4443)
On 05/14/2013 at 3:13am - kids - by Liferuinedforever (man) - Pakistan (Sindh)
Today, my teenage daughter nearly burned down our house because she wanted to take "artsy" pictures with a lighter for Instagram. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42092) - you deserved it (4739)
On 05/11/2013 at 5:19pm - kids - by failure as a parent (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I walked in on my son trying to carve a bong out of a watermelon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35431) - you deserved it (6082)
On 05/11/2013 at 12:21pm - kids - by What the fuck, son? (man) - Netherlands (Utrecht)
Today, I was questioned by police for forcing a 12-year-old to get in my car. That 12-year-old is my daughter, who refused to get in until I agree to buy her a highly expensive purse just to become popular. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45762) - you deserved it (5552)
On 05/09/2013 at 9:41pm - kids - by brokedad - United States
Today, the woman I babysat for blamed me for the cut on her son's face, and fired me with no pay for not looking after him properly. He already had the cut when I arrived. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40132) - you deserved it (2110)
On 05/09/2013 at 1:44pm - kids - by rachelllynne - United Kingdom (Manchester)
Today, I was singing horribly in the shower. Without me knowing, my sister recorded my singing and set it as my ringtone. My phone rang in class and everyone heard it. My new nickname is American Idol. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41242) - you deserved it (8686)
On 05/08/2013 at 10:00am - kids - by kprince - United States (California)
Today, I was out jogging, when I saw a girl fall off her bike and start crying. I ran over to see if she was hurt. Apparently her neighbour thought I was trying to kidnap her, because he ran out with a baseball bat and threatened to beat me to death if I didn't get lost. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39842) - you deserved it (2124)
On 05/07/2013 at 4:21pm - kids - by bet a woman would've been thanked (man) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55305) - you deserved it (4753)
On 05/06/2013 at 2:29am - kids - by SkeetinKeaton (man) - United States
Today, my 6-year-old daughter walked into the bathroom where I was grumbling about my weight. Seeing how upset I was, she took my hand and said, "Mom, you're not fat. You just look fat." FML
I agree, your life sucks (41352) - you deserved it (5324)
On 05/05/2013 at 8:56pm - kids - by me - United States (Texas)
Monday 20 May 2013
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