Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML
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On 02/09/2010 at 3:19am - kids - by matchristityler (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my son learned about various animals in school, and how they urinate to mark their territory. Apparently, the entire second floor of my house is now my son's territory. FML
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On 02/07/2010 at 7:35pm - kids - by grrrr - United States
Today, my little sister asked me what she would look like when she got older. I told her that she would probably look a lot like me. She started to cry. FML
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On 02/06/2010 at 3:15am - kids - by Misty3242 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I grounded my son for being a smart ass. Now he can't go to the cub scout campout this weekend. He's been howling, sobbing, stomping, slamming and screaming for about three continuous hours. I am not sure who this punishment has inflicted more suffering on: my son or me. FML
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On 02/05/2010 at 1:20am - kids - by Mom (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I went to the store with my 4 1/2 year old daughter. When we got to the cosmetics aisle, she asked what make-up was for, I told her it was to make women prettier. My daughter then told me it was a good thing I wear make-up because I was ugly and that I might scare off my husband. FML
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On 02/04/2010 at 10:53pm - kids - by 102496 - Sent from a mobile version
Today, I was riding a bus. After having a conversation with my friend, I looked down and saw a little boy looking at me. He asked, "Are you a boy or a girl?" As if that wasn't bad enough, when I responded that I was a girl, he said, "Oh. So, why do you have a boy voice then?" FML
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On 02/04/2010 at 7:47pm - kids - by luciaspiano (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I went indoor rock climbing with my uncle and his 5 year-old girl. I'm about halfway up the hardest ascent when my arm cramps up. As I stretched my arm, my cousin yells up at me in her tiny voice, "Prove you're a man and climb that wall!" I fell off. I was emasculated by a 5 year-old. FML
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On 02/02/2010 at 7:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I had to explain to my son that his dad was too busy in a raid on World of Warcraft to be at his award ceremony. FML
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On 02/02/2010 at 3:30pm - kids - by fuckmylife (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my mother gave my daughter a behavior chart. I noticed that "drinking beer" was at the top of one of the columns. It's a chart for my daughter to use on me so my mother can judge my parenting skills. I am currently losing a sticker right now for being on the computer. FML
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On 02/01/2010 at 8:17am - kids - by argh (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I took my 8 year old nephew to Laser Tag for his birthday party. I reluctantly was forced into playing one game. Apparently, no one explained the rules to one child and instead of 'shooting' me with his laser pointer, he kicked me straight in the balls. FML
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On 01/30/2010 at 12:40am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was babysitting three little kids. I decided to give one of them (a seven-year-old) a piggy-back ride, thinking I'm strong enough. I managed to get a few feet before faceplanting on the wooden floor. She is fine though, no pain or anything. My face took the impact for both of us. FML
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On 01/30/2010 at 12:05am - kids - by ouchy (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was potty training my nephew. He had been on the toilet for almost twenty minutes and could not go. My phone started ringing, and as I went to pick it up he knocked it into the toilet. He then proceeded to pee and poop on it. FML
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On 01/28/2010 at 12:55pm - kids - by jmitch1209 (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I found out I have a daughter. How did I find out? She added me on Facebook. FML
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On 01/26/2010 at 4:26pm - kids - by Nick (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
