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Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest thing you've stuck up your vag?" FML

#21281604
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9525) - you deserved it (736)

On 10/20/2014 at 5:28am - intimacy - by bye loser (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend jerking off to what I thought was porn on his phone. He was actually beating it to Siri's voice. FML

#21280577
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26566) - you deserved it (2628)

On 10/18/2014 at 5:43pm - intimacy - by fizzie101 - United States (California)

Today, I sent my fiancé a sexy picture while I was at work. I never got a response from him, so I gave him a call after a while. His 9-year-old son answered. Apparently he was getting a haircut at the time. FML

#21280130
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25453) - you deserved it (7038)

On 10/17/2014 at 10:23pm - intimacy - by melissa1028 (woman) - United States

Today, I climbed onto my boyfriend's lap and sexily told him "It's getting hot in here," and started unbuttoning my shirt. He said "Oh," pushed me off him, and went to turn the ceiling fan on. FML

#21279866
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32912) - you deserved it (4654)

On 10/17/2014 at 2:29pm - intimacy - by gettinghotinhere - United States (California)

Today, I got the best grade in class on my economics midterm. Rather than tell me I did a good job, my professor criticized me in front of everyone about how I was working "too hard". FML

#21279849
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31272) - you deserved it (3132)

On 10/17/2014 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by katsaysner - United States (Maine)

Today, while out for dinner with my parents, a woman, approximately the same age as my mother, repeatedly propositioned me for sex during the course of my meal. After declining firmly several times, she only stopped after my mother convinced her I was gay. FML

#21279658
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31564) - you deserved it (2765)

On 10/17/2014 at 6:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I never really thought that my boyfriend and brother having the same name was too weird. Until I called out his name during climax. FML

#21279374
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31480) - you deserved it (4097)

On 10/16/2014 at 9:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I discovered that I climax sooner if I think about pretzels. Yes, pretzels. The food product. I'll never be able to eat them again. FML

#21278160
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31454) - you deserved it (4325)

On 10/15/2014 at 2:26am - intimacy - by datgurllllukno (woman) - United States

Today, it's the first birthday of the condom in my pocket. FML

#21276832
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34341) - you deserved it (6875)

On 10/13/2014 at 10:15am - intimacy - by badplacerightnow (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in the missionary position. Once again, our cat decided to crawl onto his back and stare at me. FML

#21276776
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31000) - you deserved it (4380)

On 10/13/2014 at 6:20am - intimacy - by Drafrica (woman) - South Africa

Today, in the middle of sex, my husband accidentally headbutted me, almost knocking me unconscious. FML

#21276185
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30848) - you deserved it (3287)

On 10/12/2014 at 12:45pm - intimacy - by KO - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of three years, who can't get it up for me and has been blaming blood pressure issues, apparently has no problem getting it up while watching the neighbor undress from our window. FML

#21276105
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35539) - you deserved it (4032)

On 10/12/2014 at 9:21am - intimacy - by MotherMary - United States (Missouri)

Today, a nurse asked my relationship status. I answered, "Married". She then asked if there was any possibility of me being pregnant. I hardly contained my snort, before responding, "No, you have to have sex for that." I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that it's true or her laughter. FML

#21275225
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35071) - you deserved it (4826)

On 10/10/2014 at 9:25pm - intimacy - by bluevix (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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