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Man or woman?

Today, I just found my husband on Craigslist. He's working away from home, and he's looking to give a blowjob. FML

#21449578
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8005) - you deserved it (616)

On 07/30/2015 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I was doing laundry while my boyfriend was sitting at the table playing on his phone. I glanced over and caught him watching my ass as I put clothes in the dryer. Trying to be sexy, I looked at him as I slowly bent over to put more clothes in. Instead, I hit my head hard on the dryer door. FML

#21449270
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17468) - you deserved it (4957)

On 07/29/2015 at 10:34pm - intimacy - by RuasaLove - United States (New Jersey)

Today, thinking no one was home, I decided to be a little frisky with my boyfriend. I guess I was being loud and woke up my sleeping autistic brother the room over. Halfway through, he burst through the door, panicking. He thought I was having another one of my asthma attacks. FML

#21448923
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20204) - you deserved it (6595)

On 07/29/2015 at 2:15am - intimacy - by oops - United States

Today, after a 4 or 5 month-long dry spell, I woke up next to an amazing and beautiful woman. Neither of us were wearing pants. She looked me in the eyes and said, "Did I piss the bed?" FML

#21448401
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20414) - you deserved it (2361)

On 07/28/2015 at 2:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

#21448216
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23907) - you deserved it (1915)

On 07/27/2015 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML

#21447824
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21770) - you deserved it (4278)

On 07/27/2015 at 12:43am - intimacy - by anon - United States

Today, my long distance boyfriend got angry because I like touching myself while we sext. It "distracts" me from him. I'm sorry you turn me on. FML

#21447742
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22145) - you deserved it (2255)

On 07/26/2015 at 10:02pm - intimacy - by wot02 (woman) - United States

Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML

#21446710
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26563) - you deserved it (4604)

On 07/24/2015 at 8:12pm - intimacy - by strangely - United States (California)

Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML

#21446517
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23968) - you deserved it (2193)

On 07/24/2015 at 12:44pm - intimacy - by fuck (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML

#21446247
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22231) - you deserved it (9014)

On 07/23/2015 at 10:33pm - intimacy - by stargate25 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, while I was at home watching Netflix, my parents drunkenly stumbled through the door making out the whole time. I thought that the situation couldn't get worse, but then my Dad asked me if I had a condom they could use. FML

Today, while working security at my job, for the second time, a man with Down's Syndrome entered the store, went to one of the demo computers, opened YouTube, pulled up a video of oiled women wrestling and jerked off. There is no protocol in the handbook for how to deal with this scenario. FML

Today, my religious friend and I ended up having wild sex in the back of his mom's minivan. We got interrupted by a priest knocking at our window. Well played God, well played. FML

#21444515
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26704) - you deserved it (7231)

On 07/20/2015 at 1:48pm - intimacy - by Marika - United States (California)



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