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Today, after telling my husband he can send me dirty texts any time, he sent me one from work. It said, "Babe when I get home, I'm gonna go 9/11 on your pussy ;)". I'm still not sure he understands why that was so offensive. FML

#21347069
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2207) - you deserved it (391)

On 01/30/2015 at 11:04pm - intimacy - by The Soul Of A Damned Queef (woman) - United States (California)

Today, in the middle of sex with my boyfriend, my visiting brother knocked on the door saying he'd want to hear the details later. My boyfriend said, "Sure", and kept going. FML

#21346952
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10531) - you deserved it (1097)

On 01/30/2015 at 6:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

#21346857
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13630) - you deserved it (1269)

On 01/30/2015 at 3:16pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex. In the middle of it he said, "I want us to be covalent bonds". I didn't understand what he meant, and he actually stopped to explain it to me. FML

#21346746
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13836) - you deserved it (3766)

On 01/30/2015 at 10:11am - intimacy - by Chemist-why (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a one night stand. After holding in my farts all night as is done, I decided enough was enough and to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out instead I shit myself in her bed. I was naked at the time so was unable to hide it. FML

#21346279
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18348) - you deserved it (8335)

On 01/29/2015 at 4:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I found out that the guy I've been sleeping with is my mom's gynecologist. FML

#21346230
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21099) - you deserved it (2548)

On 01/29/2015 at 2:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, as a volunteer tutor, I met up with a girl who needed help with calculus. When I introduced myself, she wrinkled up her face and said, "I'd hoped you'd be hotter." FML

#21344749
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22579) - you deserved it (1714)

On 01/26/2015 at 8:43pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out that, due to the walls at my uni dorm being ridiculously thin, my entire flat overheard me lose my virginity. Spanking and all. FML

#21344108
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23969) - you deserved it (7581)

On 01/25/2015 at 5:10pm - intimacy - by Orgasmataz (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, my mom came into my room to yell at me because she thought she heard me having sex, saying I'm too young for it. I'm 23 and I wasn't having sex. The noises were from my dad watching porn in the next room. FML

#21343705
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26940) - you deserved it (1923)

On 01/24/2015 at 10:26pm - intimacy - by confused (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I walked in on my mom blow-drying my grinning dad's pubes. FML

#21343357
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27139) - you deserved it (3364)

On 01/24/2015 at 9:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at dinner, my downstair's neighbors described how they can listen to most of my movements, including the buzz of my phone when I text late at night. I think all of us knew it is not my phone that vibrates at that time. FML

#21343273
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27800) - you deserved it (4386)

On 01/24/2015 at 2:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized my job working with food is getting to me. While having sex with my boyfriend, I fell asleep. He asked me what I was doing, and apparently I sleep-talked, saying "I'm chopping lettuce". FML

#21343098
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28855) - you deserved it (3592)

On 01/23/2015 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by xoragebaby - United States

Today, I witnessed my husband in the shower singing Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" to his penis while manscaping. I guess that's a bond we'll never have. FML

#21342844
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25075) - you deserved it (3140)

On 01/23/2015 at 11:46am - intimacy - by LD - United States (Idaho)



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