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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Today, my wife screamed at me, calling me a "useless, ungrateful piece of crap", all because I wouldn't have sex with her, despite hours of her nagging. I said no because I've been laid-up in bed for the past week waiting on surgery for an excruciatingly painful hernia. FML

#18986736 (27)

I agree, your life sucks (204) - you deserved it (26)

On 02/03/2012 at 8:17pm - intimacy - by B (man) - United States

Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML

#18983166 (137)

I agree, your life sucks (2645) - you deserved it (386)

On 02/03/2012 at 9:47am - intimacy - by xX_nsn_Xx (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I accidentally told my mom to ejaculate the flash drive from the PC. FML

#18976293 (149)

I agree, your life sucks (1610) - you deserved it (2222)

On 02/02/2012 at 1:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - India

Today, while in bed with my fiancée, I asked her to take off her pants so we could get it on. She said, "No, I don't feel like squeezing into them again." I was cockblocked by a pair of jeans. FML

#18974719 (145)

I agree, your life sucks (3479) - you deserved it (565)

On 02/02/2012 at 4:31am - intimacy - by DieTrying - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder to take me to his room. He wasn't careful enough, and dropped me right on my head, on the hardwood floor. I ended up vomiting and came down with a headache. He still wanted to have sex. FML

#18968605 (153)

I agree, your life sucks (4793) - you deserved it (448)

On 02/01/2012 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by manhandled - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

#18967800 (200)

I agree, your life sucks (7266) - you deserved it (621)

On 02/01/2012 at 10:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML

#18966700 (165)

I agree, your life sucks (4375) - you deserved it (675)

On 02/01/2012 at 3:19am - intimacy - by crybaby - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I had to sit my 13-year-old son down and explain to him that I'd noticed that his pajamas feel a little "crispy" when I pick them up to do the laundry, and ask if he could start using tissues when having some "alone time." FML

#18966482 (236)

I agree, your life sucks (5048) - you deserved it (828)

On 02/01/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by stainseverywhere (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had a quicky with my boyfriend, because his dad was about to pick him up. Afterwards, I texted: "Nice to meet your dad, hope we didn't look too heated." A few minutes later, he replied: "Great timing, he was holding my phone." FML

#18961404 (178)

I agree, your life sucks (4024) - you deserved it (1269)

On 01/31/2012 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by B - Netherlands

Today, I was texting the guy I like. He's really smart, funny, athletic, and cute. This all changed when he told me he was jacking off. FML

#18956321 (111)

I agree, your life sucks (3757) - you deserved it (1324)

On 01/30/2012 at 9:50pm - intimacy - by idrathernotgiveoutmyname (woman) - Canada

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

#18954927 (292)

I agree, your life sucks (4857) - you deserved it (804)

On 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States

Today, I realized that my husband and I are at that point in our marriage where "sleeping together" means scooting closer to each other in the bed. FML

#18951326 (152)

I agree, your life sucks (4111) - you deserved it (624)

On 01/30/2012 at 10:07am - intimacy - by oldsoulyoungbody (woman) - United States

Today, I realized the closest thing I've had to an intimate relationship with a female is the one I have with my cat. Even then, she ignores me. FML

#18943699 (227)

I agree, your life sucks (4043) - you deserved it (833)

On 01/29/2012 at 2:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)