Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: Weird flex, but OK - FML

Weird flex, but OK

By mrwilly - 02/01/2015 03:22 - United States - Corona

Spicy

Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 883

You deserved it 4 896

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By CALIdime_15 - 05/05/2012 05:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 347

You deserved it 4 913

By anon - 18/01/2012 18:29 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 558

You deserved it 5 599

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 488

You deserved it 11 066

Side dick

By Joanna - 27/12/2018 18:00

Spicy

Today, during sex I said my side dick's name instead of my boyfriend. He isn't speaking to me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 12 859

By syl - 11/02/2010 06:18 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 305

You deserved it 5 219

By anon. - 17/01/2012 23:41 - United States

Today, I found out if I refuse my boyfriend anything in public, he will continually yell out, "Penis!" until he gets his way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 143

You deserved it 8 781

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 099

You deserved it 10 949

By anne - 17/12/2011 03:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 853

You deserved it 5 998

Narcissism

By during - 19/05/2010 12:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 432

You deserved it 7 328

Romance me please

By trembelwick - 03/12/2011 10:04 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 776

You deserved it 6 059

Next

Top comments

Exodiafinder687 58

Friday 2 January 2015 11:59

Just make sure you have some lube in case Willy wants to visit his chocolate factory.

challan 19

Friday 2 January 2015 12:43

Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-do... He has the perfect penis for you. Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-dee... If you are wise, you'll listen to me. What do you get when you guzzle down cum? Eating and getting it in the bum. Why are you at getting terribly sore? Because he thinks your his personal *****.

Comments

docphilsman 15

Monday 5 January 2015 21:32

you made Mr willy happy

GummiieBear 12

Monday 5 January 2015 21:37

What's wrong with these females that have no sense of humor?

hurricate 1

Thursday 8 January 2015 16:04

Mr. Willy would really appreciate it if you sucked him.. Mhmm.

Soninuva 41

Monday 23 March 2015 20:25

Look at the bright side, it could have been first person!

Keywords

Weird Miscellaneous Shopping My ex Awkward Relatable Racism Family Kids AITA Love Cheating Work Break-ups Cats Cute Animals Intimacy Sex Relationship advice Coworkers Alcohol Mental health Psychology Health Neighbours Cops Scary Stressed out Parents

The Top

Today, I went to a fancy restaurant. I was coming right from work and brought a change of clothes with me. I parked in an empty corner of the parking lot to change. As I was pulling my pants up, I noticed that I was facing an apartment complex where an old guy was watching me from his balcony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 273

You deserved it 19 598

Today, I got home from working overnight and let the 2 dogs out of their crates. The oldest one (almost 9 years-old) was acting weird. He was shaking and couldn't stand up, let alone sit. I thought something was incredibly wrong. Nope, he just had gotten hold of 10 of my "treats" when my SO wasn't looking. Dude was high all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 551

The Top

Today, I was about to propose. I got on my knee in front of my girlfriend and opened the box. My friend thought it would be funny to replace the ring with a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 296

You deserved it 4 542

Today, l remembered the second time my then-future-wife and I had sex; she soundly feel asleep during the act. According to her, this was because she felt so comfortable with me. Well my friends, she has increasingly got more comfortable with me in the past 20 years. Very, very comfortable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 88

Today, my professor let a guy into my philosophy class 30 minutes late because his excuse was, "Time is just an illusion." This is the same professor that kicked me out of the classroom for being 2 minutes late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 747

You deserved it 3 015

Today, I had a first date planned. He texted saying he was sick and couldn't make it. Two hours later his twitter account said otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 616

You deserved it 4 317

Today, I never wanted a wife, so of course I got married. I never wanted kids, so of course my unwanted wife insisted we have two. My mother-in-law, who I wish daily would get hit by a bus, just got hired at my workplace. My only pleasure in life is fishing and my kids just broke my only rod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 4 316

Today, my dad woke me up in a panic at five to ten in the morning, because he couldn't figure out how to type the "@" in an e-mail address. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 978

You deserved it 1 390