Intimacy: Today, trying to take initiative, I wore nothing but an apron...

By Sorry - 03/03/2010 16:22 - Canada

Today, trying to take initiative, I wore nothing but an apron and led my husband to the kitchen by his knob to have some fun. I tripped on the floor and used his knob to keep balance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 833

You deserved it 7 824

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 01/08/2013 22:29 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I tried to give my husband a striptease for his birthday. I wound up tripping over my own panties and nearly dislocating my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 014

You deserved it 9 303

A for Effort

By Anonymous - 07/01/2021 20:01 - Australia

Today, I thought I would spice things up a bit and rocked my man's world, but in the kitchen. Apparently, some of his cum must have got on the tiles because I slipped on it 15 minutes later. In doing so I smacked my head on the fridge.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 190

You deserved it 666

By Gordon - 22/07/2009 14:12 - United States

Today, I was standing by the bed naked, waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom. She opens the door and walks over to me, swinging her hips, wearing pratically nothing. About four feet from me, she trips on the edge of the floor mat, and uses my 'junk' to catch herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 691

You deserved it 6 761

By Anonymous - 03/04/2011 15:14 - United States

Today, while bending over to get the brownies I was making out of the oven, my husband slapped my butt. I fell into the oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 727

You deserved it 6 417

Classic Dave

By Sarahir - 29/04/2020 05:00

Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating into the kitchen sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 188

You deserved it 391

By Anonymous - 20/09/2010 14:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my dad touching his knob, in the kitchen, while cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 319

You deserved it 4 001

By Anonymous - 27/02/2016 07:27 - Japan - Ageo

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 779

You deserved it 5 478

By sissica - 11/02/2009 23:52 - United States

Today, when my husband got home from work, I was standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but stilletos. He asked me to make him hot chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 183

You deserved it 6 623

By Anonymous - 01/10/2010 05:43 - Canada

Today, in an attempt to spice up our relationship, I tied my boyfriend up and did a striptease for him. I pulled my skirt down over my heels but tripped as I tried to step out of it. Not only did I pull a muscle in my leg but I elbowed him in the groin. So much for spice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 721

You deserved it 9 185

Busted

By Anonymous - 27/05/2016 19:09 - United States - Lady Lake

Today, my husband was being obnoxious, so I jokingly sprayed him with the dish hose. The floor got wet, and he slipped and busted his knees. Our daughter rushed over to him to see if he was OK, then slipped and busted her head on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 798

You deserved it 7 227

snapdragons 0

Wednesday 3 March 2010 20:05

**** his life actually

Pixie333 6

Wednesday 3 March 2010 20:04

...

Comments

Artemis_21 0

Tuesday 15 June 2010 13:03

knob has to be THE most unattractive word for dick. really.

jsmnhwll 6

Sunday 18 July 2010 14:22

- Can Yhu Say FAIL ?? I Guess It Was A Nice Try Thouqh .

vivr 0

Thursday 12 August 2010 23:25

haha knob. you might as well just go **** yourself

clarkey 0

Monday 13 December 2010 9:25

ouch for him

X_o_X_ocutie 0

Friday 25 March 2011 4:18

that's gotta hurt...him

pplkillr 0

Wednesday 27 April 2011 21:12

OWWWWWWW

ksowders 0

Friday 10 June 2011 16:17

omg who really calls it a knob?!?!? it only sounds good when three 6 mafia says it

Seaneh 0

Saturday 9 June 2012 15:52

You mean penis, right? O.o

lufi_fml 8

Sunday 4 November 2012 3:48

That's so romantic lol

f_ourlives2013 7

Saturday 27 April 2013 14:43

hhahahah aawh poor baby! :(

Keywords

Weird Miscellaneous Awkward Shopping My ex Racism Family Relatable AITA Love Kids Cheating Work Break-ups Animals Cats Cute Intimacy Sex Relationship advice Alcohol Coworkers Health Psychology Mental health Cops Neighbours Scary Stressed out Parents

The Top

Today, as my husband normally initiates sex and sometimes I want to but always chicken out, I was feeling brave and did so. After he came, he continued working on me and I farted. I embarrassingly apologized and he said it was ok and kept going. I then continued to fart, and I had to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 396

You deserved it 280

Today, I fell asleep in the car on a 10+ hour trip with my family as soon as we got on the highway. When I woke up an hour later, I realized I'd had a wet dream. I had to sit next to my grandma with semen all over my thighs and boxers for the rest of the trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 145

You deserved it 11 901

The Top

Today, I spent 2 hours slaving over a hot stove to make my kids the perfect dinner. They both came home with Happy Meals in their hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 649

You deserved it 2 255

Today, I had an anxiety attack when I learned that my favorite book series is coming to the end. I had to leave the store and sit in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 165

You deserved it 9 062

Today, my husband gave my cellphone number to his most obnoxious, creepiest friend. I've been drunken-dialed five times already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 570

You deserved it 2 779

Today, I told my daughter that she wasn't allowed to eat in her room, so she sat at the table and glared at me for 10 minutes while she ate. She's 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 808

You deserved it 1 896

Today, after months of dieting, I finally reached my goal weight. Excitedly I told my boyfriend, who gave me a beautiful dress as an early Christmas present. It was a size too small. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 704

You deserved it 5 200

Today, I went to see a "Weight loss Manager." When I told her that I have a slow thyroid at the of age 29, she excitedly explained that it's all in my head, and that I gain weight because of the food I eat. I'm a healthcare professional and I think I went to see a quack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 203

Same thing different taste

A for Effort

Classic Dave

Busted

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