Love: Today, my wife didn't say a word to me because her horoscope... - FML

By MrOh - 09/08/2011 17:29 - Canada

Today, my wife didn't say a word to me because her horoscope told her not to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 667

You deserved it 4 512

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 06/08/2012 05:03 - United States - Mountain View

Today, my fiancée said that our relationship is doomed because an astrologer said so. We only have a few more days until our wedding and she won't listen to a word I say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 808

You deserved it 2 560

By Dumbfounded - 08/08/2012 23:03 - United States - Padre Island Ntl Seashor

Today, my wife yelled at me for admitting I take my wedding ring off at work. I explained that I work in a chemistry lab and don't want to damage it. She laughed and said, "Oh please, that chemistry stuff is nonsense anyway." All while reading her horoscope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 372

You deserved it 3 962

By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 20:08 - United States

Today, my wife threatened to end our relationship if I didn't skip work and stay at home. She's into astrology, and apparently when one of those money-grubbing frauds writes, "Betrayal will come from someone close to you", it's reason enough to suspect that I'll cheat on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 316

You deserved it 3 474

Affection breakdown

By Anonymous - 19/12/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom - Boston

Today, my wife can't be bothered to do anything that isn't work, talk about her work, and sit on the sofa. Then she complains that I don't show any affection, when she can be bothered to even talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 128

Stuck on amber

By Anonymous - 01/10/2020 07:58 - United States - Greensburg

Today, my wife and mother of my kids said she doesn't want sex. Or a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 240

You deserved it 190

By Anonymous - 29/01/2012 19:10 - United States

Today, my girlfriend started a month-long period of not talking to me. One of her male friends, who is a self-styled astrologist, told her there are "bad omens" in our relationship for the coming weeks. I don't know if I should dump her for being gullible or just plain stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 414

You deserved it 3 766

By divorced - 19/08/2010 10:01 - United States

Today, my wife put divorce papers in my birthday card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 749

You deserved it 4 559

Marriage doesn't solve anything

By Anonymous - 12/03/2021 17:00

Today, my wife told me how she really felt about me, and said she didn't love me anymore. We got married last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 94

By dazedandconfused - 18/09/2016 09:44 - United Kingdom - Dorking

Today, I found out why my wife has been upset with me for the last week. She told me this morning that I did something to upset her on our date night last Friday, she won't tell me what, and she said she'll leave me if I do it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 447

You deserved it 1 100

Told you so

By Anonymous - 19/06/2021 22:00

Today, my wife is leaving me for the guy she told me not to worry about, who is also her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 109

Next

Top comments

bthomas0319 2

Tuesday 9 August 2011 22:23

Make a fake horoscope and make it say that you have to be your husband's slave and do whatever he says

kaylynheartsyou 10

Tuesday 9 August 2011 22:23

Then dont talk to her for one day.

Comments

sting72157 3

Wednesday 10 August 2011 3:23

Why complain I would just enjoy the peace and quiet.

betoocastilloo 0

Wednesday 10 August 2011 3:25

why do women always believes in that shit? i dont understand?

Rainbowbright99 4

Wednesday 10 August 2011 3:36

I hope she is beautiful... Then her stupidity is semi-forgivable... If you're attractive enough on the outside people will forgive you for being irritating to the core - stolen from despair.com- lol

uknowitsJAIME 0

Wednesday 10 August 2011 21:17

Lol 2 many words i didnt read it :(

derrp910 5

Wednesday 10 August 2011 3:58

I thought that was what most men wanted. You should be thankful!

mimicb 0

Wednesday 10 August 2011 4:15

sounds like you won't be getting sex if her horoscope says not to as well! :(

rezzel 0

Wednesday 10 August 2011 4:32

i dont see a problem ? peace n quiet for a day

NikoBellic 0

Wednesday 10 August 2011 5:36

You mean whoroscope

mpclaw 3

Wednesday 10 August 2011 5:55

You have NO idea how many guys would love that to happen!

Harlequin073 6

Wednesday 10 August 2011 6:09

You chose poorly

Coffeecraze 8

Wednesday 10 August 2011 6:09

Isn't that a good thing? Haha x)

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The Top

Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 380

You deserved it 4 153

Today, I found out that if you put tea bags into a cup of hot water, the tea bags will melt. The result: You get to drink and chew tea leaves at the same time, with little bits of actual tea to help make them go down. 0/10, do not recommend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 392

The Top

Today, I fell off a ladder while building a shelter for one of my wife's horses. I think I broke some ribs. I absolutely hate horses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 924

You deserved it 6 450

Today, my mother set off the alarms at Walmart by shoplifting. She shouted at me to run, which I didn't. I had to get a ride home from the security guard, since my mother left without me because I didn't get to her car fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 621

You deserved it 5 143

Today, some idiot introduced my grandmother to yoga pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 123

You deserved it 3 743

Today, I have an excruciatingly sore throat due to chronic canker sores around my uvula. Every bite of food I swallow brings tears to my eyes. I had enough of dad calling me a wimp at dinner over it and shoved my food onto his plate. He's now faking allergies to food we've had for years, just to take the piss out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 84

Today, I found out my son told his teachers that I make his brother Tom sleep on the floor, make him stay out of the house for long periods of time, and don't let him use the toilet. Tom is actually our cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 997

You deserved it 1 898

Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 400

You deserved it 54 540