Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time....

By Anonymous - 26/07/2011 04:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time. I told her I had to go take a shower, and from the other room my grandmother yells "you're not going to jack off this time are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 997

You deserved it 8 962

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

In the mood

By Steve - 16/12/2012 06:25 - United States - Oshkosh

Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 782

You deserved it 18 359

By IceMage - 18/01/2010 00:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at her house while her parents went out to eat and a movie. Half way through our shower we heard a knocking at the door, it was her mom. We had left all of our clothes downstairs. Safe to say I won't be allowed there any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 630

You deserved it 39 378

Caught red-handed

By caught - 09/01/2012 00:43 - United States

Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 324

You deserved it 36 275

Bumbling

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I enjoyed a lovely shower together. It was indeed lovely until her father came into the washroom to say “Welcome to the family!” whilst taking a giant shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 641

You deserved it 588

Denied

By Anonymous - 30/08/2023 22:00

Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 483

You deserved it 124

By Isabell - 06/02/2010 05:31 - Australia

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 744

You deserved it 5 862

By PerfectBoyfriend - 07/06/2016 16:38 - Belgium - Reet

Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 379

You deserved it 1 911

By welptimetoburntheplacedown - 11/08/2014 15:02 - United States - Louisville

Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 290

You deserved it 3 674

By Anonymous - 06/03/2011 18:15 - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 851

You deserved it 11 965

Nice to know

By justin bieber's nutsack - 06/06/2015 07:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce her to my parents. As we arrived, my grandpa was leaving the bathroom. He looked over at my girlfriend with a worried expression and said, "Never take a shit in this place. Feels like I wiped my arsehole with sandpaper." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 246

You deserved it 2 795

Thale_fml 8

Tuesday 26 July 2011 12:14

... why would you take a shower when your girlfriend had finally come to your house to visit, anyway?

Parazad 16

Tuesday 26 July 2011 12:13

At least your grandmother has a sense of humor.

Comments

sleepyN 0

Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:15

op: ur grandma is tired of you always clogging the drain

dolphincheddar 10

Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:18

and your profile is wonderfully descriptive! :)

theaws0m3guy 4

Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:23

Choptoxicity- You hate Family Guy?...well...this is awkward.

Madiluvsyuh98 2

Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:27

116- thanks! 117- I know right! that's why I'm called shit head... :)

bsthunter 0

Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:34

the only reason to take a shower when your girls over is to shower with her

Jesus_Christ69 0

Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:37

I liked family guys old episodes but choptoxity come on, how can you not like two n a half men? yes I understand the jersey shore though. it has no plot other than going to the beach during the day, go to a party during the night and when the get back they either bang the girl they're with or fight with eachother.

dani212 0

Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:39

Well, were you?

PrimeStarscream 30

Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:41

Your gf should find that hot.

Jesus_Christ69 0

Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:53

perhaps this was meant to be replied to your comment?

sarasweetie 0

Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:57

why would you even take a shower when your girlfriend was at your house in the first place?! and for the first time too? doesn't make sense. i'd leave if i was her.