Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend told me it was her fantasy to orgasm at... - FML

By FavreFan99 - 01/01/2010 17:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me it was her fantasy to orgasm at midnight on New Years. We got started at 11:53. I didn't last until midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 524

You deserved it 23 607

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 01/01/2013 07:50 - Australia - Sydney

Today, during the countdown to midnight, I looked for my girlfriend so I could kiss her as 2013 began. I found her just in time to see her making out with some guy she swore was "only a friend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 960

You deserved it 3 599

Fast and Furious

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 01:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend were having sex. When I finished, she whispered in my ear, "30 seconds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 1 762

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 19:44 - United Kingdom - Addlestone

Spicy

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 826

You deserved it 6 331

By Anonymous - 01/01/2011 05:19 - United States

Today, I was about to kiss my girlfriend right as the clock struck midnight for New Year's. She put her hand in front of my mouth, and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 232

You deserved it 3 696

Not now

By nexus - 25/09/2021 09:59 - Papua New Guinea

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend gets horny at the most inconvenient times. She woke me up to have sex at 2 a.m. I have work at 6 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 563

By Deweyboy - 10/10/2015 04:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, while playing a game, my girlfriend told a bunch of our friends that she's never had an orgasm. News to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 392

You deserved it 5 108

Bored

By Taylor parsons - 29/10/2010 04:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 422

You deserved it 7 538

Narcolepsy

By Isuckreallybad - 06/02/2021 21:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep during sex. This isn't the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 389

I'm gonna come

By Anonymous - 27/09/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, despite warning my new girlfriend I suffer from bad premature ejaculation, and should get her to orgasm first with my hand or mouth, she insisted I “just fuck her already” then she blamed me when it was over in 15 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 103

You deserved it 335

By Proposal Fail - 01/01/2015 05:47 - United States - Holbrook

Today, my proposal to my girlfriend was supposed to be exactly when the ball dropped at midnight. Unfortunately my mother called her at 11:55pm to ask her if she liked the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 619

You deserved it 3 749

Next

Top comments

Bussed 0

Friday 1 January 2010 23:08

There are still options at that point...

ironwords 8

Sunday 27 March 2011 1:05

??? are you the product of incest?

Comments

sweetbiotch88 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 13:26

Oh yeah gimme whatta want....... But you can't. So ya f you effin life

beanstalk0311 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 13:29

Hahaha wow you're one ballsy guy to even admit to such a thing. But nonetheless, you suck and should perhaps kill yourself.

J_Rodriguez112 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 13:32

lmao @ #18 u should be ashamed. not the right way to start the yr. off

ClarehTM 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 15:42

LOL at how short you last and LOL that you couldn't finish her off another way.

FD929 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 18:48

Way to start her new year with disappointment. F her L for having a selfish BF who can't take the time to learn how to please her. If you're so sensitive that you last 3 GD minutes you need to double bag that shiz.

Ninjaface 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 23:17

Luckily for her, she didn't specify that you had to be the one to give her the New Year's ******. If you've been together for a while, I'm sure she knows what to do.

transcedental 18

Saturday 2 January 2010 23:35

oh sweety, i am so sorry :/ look at the bright side - at least u spent ur new year with ur sweetheart, doing pleasant activities ;) not all of us had that chance :P

butterflyhearts 0

Monday 4 January 2010 1:01

I agree atleast they were together

cdawg4444 0

Sunday 3 January 2010 2:00

it's all in the tongue.

ufcgsp92 0

Sunday 3 January 2010 3:47

lmao dude... pace yourself bro

xriley 0

Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:56

Ninja Art Hold Come In No Jutsu learn it :D

2
3
4
5
6
7
8

Keywords

Dreams Jealousy Love Geek Gamers Video games Kids AITA Parents Family Animals Relatable Gun control Money Amazon Annoying Birthday Cute Weird Awkward Health Abuse Social Media Scams Miscellaneous Friends Mysterious School Education Anger issues

The Top

Today, I stuffed my buttcrack with toilet paper right before my job interview because I tend to sweat there a lot and I was wearing a white skirt. I went to the bathroom afterward to take it out but it wasn't there anymore. It could have only gone up two places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 762

You deserved it 15 564

Today, I had to spend at least 30 minutes, at 3 in the morning, shooting BBs at a mateless whip-poor-will to scare it off so I could sleep. It was making noise in a tree right outside my window. I feel for you my dude, but you're doing the equivalent of drunk texting an ex and crying into your beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 304

The Top

Today, I arrived home, having just had my long hair cut and my beard shaved. My idiot daughter’s reaction when she saw me? “Who are you and how did you get in the house?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 586

Today, I walked into the gym to do legs and walked up to the leg press machine where a trainer was taking weights off. I asked him if he was about to use the machine and he gave me an odd look and said no, then walked back to his client who was in a wheelchair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 138

Today, when he came back to bed, I asked my flatmate who I've been sleeping since the start of lockdown, whether he had washed his hands after going to pee. He said he barely touched his dick, so he didn't need to. He likes putting his fingers in my mouth when we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 655

You deserved it 697

Today, my eleven year old sister came in, and bitched to me and my boyfriend about how she was going to tell my mom about the used condom she found. My boyfriend punched her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 956

You deserved it 18 548

Today, I tried reaching out to a girl on Facebook I thought I ended on good terms with after three dates. Not only did she not accept my friend request, she also disabled all friend requests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 320

Today, I was walking through school when I noticed an advertisement for school picture retakes. It read, "Bad hair day?" Underneath was my picture. That's my normal hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 984

You deserved it 2 212