Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend told me it was her fantasy to orgasm at...

By FavreFan99 - 01/01/2010 17:01 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me it was her fantasy to orgasm at midnight on New Years. We got started at 11:53. I didn't last until midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 524

You deserved it 23 607

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 01/01/2013 07:50 - Australia - Sydney

Today, during the countdown to midnight, I looked for my girlfriend so I could kiss her as 2013 began. I found her just in time to see her making out with some guy she swore was "only a friend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 960

You deserved it 3 599

Fast and Furious

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 01:00

Today, my girlfriend were having sex. When I finished, she whispered in my ear, "30 seconds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 1 762

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 19:44 - United Kingdom - Addlestone

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 826

You deserved it 6 331

By Anonymous - 01/01/2011 05:19 - United States

Today, I was about to kiss my girlfriend right as the clock struck midnight for New Year's. She put her hand in front of my mouth, and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 232

You deserved it 3 696

Not now

By nexus - 25/09/2021 09:59 - Papua New Guinea

Today, my girlfriend gets horny at the most inconvenient times. She woke me up to have sex at 2 a.m. I have work at 6 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 563

By Deweyboy - 10/10/2015 04:33 - United States

Today, while playing a game, my girlfriend told a bunch of our friends that she's never had an orgasm. News to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 392

You deserved it 5 108

Bored

By Taylor parsons - 29/10/2010 04:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 422

You deserved it 7 538

Narcolepsy

By Isuckreallybad - 06/02/2021 21:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep during sex. This isn't the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 389

I'm gonna come

By Anonymous - 27/09/2021 20:00

Today, despite warning my new girlfriend I suffer from bad premature ejaculation, and should get her to orgasm first with my hand or mouth, she insisted I “just fuck her already” then she blamed me when it was over in 15 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 103

You deserved it 335

By Proposal Fail - 01/01/2015 05:47 - United States - Holbrook

Today, my proposal to my girlfriend was supposed to be exactly when the ball dropped at midnight. Unfortunately my mother called her at 11:55pm to ask her if she liked the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 619

You deserved it 3 749

Bussed 0

Friday 1 January 2010 23:08

There are still options at that point...

ironwords 8

Sunday 27 March 2011 1:05

??? are you the product of incest?

Comments

joemk2012 0

Thursday 5 August 2010 17:44

Your balls and the New Year ball are a lot alike in that they had both barely dropped before you came

BLEUSKEETER 0

Saturday 28 August 2010 6:08

Wat is wrong with your penis man!

kaylaraeh 0

Sunday 14 November 2010 19:06

Maybe you should start at 11:59 December 31, and then MAYBE you will be successful.

iPunchedBigFoot 5

Thursday 18 November 2010 5:47

Lick her next time. December 31st that is

chase3825 0

Sunday 1 May 2011 7:50

what kind of fantasy is that? "I wanna ****** at 5:32pm on Wednesday of next week" haha WTF?

cburke9 7

Friday 28 October 2011 21:08

thats romantic but sad. good luck next year, hopefully next year you can last till 11:59

jewelsfml 0

Tuesday 22 November 2011 4:07

more like fhl. nothing worse than being let down by your man cuming too soon

hewro_failure 11

Thursday 24 November 2011 2:14

You could have still gotten her off ... Its called oral sex

laladd123 11

Wednesday 8 February 2012 23:10

Hey man don't worry you will have a few more years to hit the midnight O target again

loganberrybat 11

Wednesday 18 April 2012 22:57

It's alright, she got a full 12 months to find herself a new boyfriend that's actually good in bed

Keywords

Love Dreams Jealousy Geek Gamers Video games Kids AITA Family Parents Gun control Animals Relatable Money Amazon Annoying Birthday Cute Weird Awkward Health Abuse Scams Social Media Mysterious Miscellaneous Friends School Education Anger issues

The Top

Today, I get to add spaghetti sauce to my rather extensive list of things that don't belong in a person's eye but that end up in mine anyway. Other items include molten cheese, rock salt, orange juice, chips of nail polish, cotton fibers, and firework ash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 111

You deserved it 5 027

Today, I tried dyeing my hair at home to save some money. I carefully followed the instructions but when I rinsed it off, my hair turned a shocking shade of shiity neon green. Not wanting to leave the house looking like a radioactive toad, I wore a hat and hoped nobody would notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 340

The Top

Today, I visited my girlfriend's apartment for the first time. I guess she forgot to do some spring cleaning before I showed up, because I saw my laptop on her couch. The same laptop that was stolen from my house along with several other valuables last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 981

You deserved it 2 906

Today, I adopted my second dog. When I called to tell my mom about it, she sternly told me that I was not allowed to get any more dogs. I'm 28 and own my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 510

You deserved it 1 020

Today, after a coworker had invited me over for a "Mukbang" and I'd agreed, thinking it was just some sort of exotic delicacy, I found out that he expected me to eat like a million calories of food on camera for his YouTube channel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 499

Today, my mom woke me up from a wet dream, because I was moaning too loudly. I'm a 32 year-old virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 131

You deserved it 391

Today, it was my turn to do the suite's dishes. I was in the process of drying my roommate's coffee mug when the handle suddenly snapped off and the sharp edge left on the mug scraped down my arm. I now have a 3-inch long gash in my arm. I was attacked by a cheap coffee mug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 700

You deserved it 3 980

Today, I’m on day three of pneumonia and a sinus infection. My six year-old is on day three of a sinus infection and day one of the stomach flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 116