Animals: Today, I went to my cousin's farm with my family. First I was... - FML

By Anonymous - 28/09/2009 20:36 - United States

Today, I went to my cousin's farm with my family. First I was pooped on by a goose, peed on by a puppy, bit in the face by the mother dog, fell through the floor of the barn loft, and without knowing it was electric, rested my hand on the horse fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 591

You deserved it 9 333

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By electricpuddle - 25/04/2011 01:11

Today, while letting horses out to switch pasture, one ran at me, sending me through the electric fence and into a mud puddle. Wrapped in electric fence, I sat in that electric mud puddle, screaming every time it shocked me. Help arrived, once they'd had a good long laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 814

You deserved it 4 036

Not so smooth criminal

By Anonymous - 14/08/2013 09:11 - United States - Sanford

Today, I was visiting my cousin's farm. Going out for a morning stroll, I took an apple with me to munch along the way. As I was eating it, I heard a distant thumping sound and was suddenly slammed into the ground. When I looked up, a horse was eating my apple. I got mugged by a horse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 309

You deserved it 6 847

By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 18:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my date took me to visit his farm. As we were walking, a wild rabbit darted past me and startled me. I tripped and fell face first into cow dung. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 722

You deserved it 2 731

By Anonymous - 11/09/2009 14:48 - Canada

Today, I was putting my horse away into her pasture, when I slipped in the mud. In a haisty attempt to support myself, I grabbed the electric fence in on hand, and my horse with the other. The shock from the fence traveled through me to her, sending her running and leaving me with 2 broken teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 184

You deserved it 6 794

Dr Dolittle

By Anonymous - 06/12/2022 18:00

Today, I went with my family to visit my aunt, who lives on a farm. My brother told me that cows are ticklish and convinced me to go up and tickle one of the cows. The cow clearly wasn’t a fan, and I ended up being chased right into a lake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 226

You deserved it 1 080

Face it!

By MooCow - 13/07/2011 03:13 - United States

Today, my best friend told me to face my fear of cows and hop over the fence in with them. This resulted in me being chased by a raging cow, and thrusting myself head first over a fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 596

You deserved it 15 778

Goodbye horses

By Anonymous - 23/10/2017 16:19

Today, my dad tried to help me overcome my intense fear of horses (due to nearly being killed by one as a child) by taking me to a ranch. Within 30 minutes, a horse bit my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 998

You deserved it 469

Goodbye horses

By Not Again! - 14/06/2019 04:16

Today, while riding a massive draft horse, the horse thought it would be fun to walk under a very low apple tree that sat level with his back. A branch hit me and made me fall off onto a coil of barbed wire, twisting my ankle in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 731

You deserved it 369

By mishyb - 28/07/2013 04:28 - United States - Englewood

Today, my horse farted and scared itself, then ran all the way up the hill and wouldn't stop until I fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 471

You deserved it 4 340

By shando - 08/11/2009 02:13 - United States

Today, I went to a petting zoo with my niece and nephew. While we were checking out the llamas, one of them spit directly into my face. Disgusted and embarrassed, we turned away to pet a deer. The deer immediately urinated then shook its tail, which splattered it into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 579

You deserved it 3 575

Next

Top comments

wolfe37 0

Tuesday 29 September 2009 1:20

yeah you don't belong on a farm...stick to the city

GuyWithAGuitar 0

Tuesday 29 September 2009 1:26

lMFAO. This could be a country song. Now alls that needs to happen is for your spouse to leave you and your dog to die.

Comments

NeonBubblez 6

Tuesday 30 August 2011 21:46

Bad luck..?

djack0113 0

Saturday 12 November 2011 18:38

Your a real farm boy

atishe24 9

Wednesday 11 January 2012 7:35

Lol!! A series of unfortunate events much? :P

AssassinsCRB 0

Wednesday 1 February 2012 6:09

Why the **** is the horse fence electric?

MissPuppettear 0

Friday 17 February 2012 10:50

Jesus you city people with your city ways... FYL :3

ToewsIsMyBro19 6

Saturday 21 April 2012 17:04

thats hilarious..

Bluedoom 8

Tuesday 1 May 2012 2:13

Some body is a city girl!

merrielp 13

Friday 11 May 2012 2:08

Farm life is NOT for you

scarllet13101 5

Tuesday 22 May 2012 8:11

Haha

demiray23 0

Wednesday 24 October 2012 22:43

Hi. I'm Anonymous OP and welcome to Jackass. Barnyard Style.

5
6
7
8
9

Keywords

Gamers Annoying Video games Abuse Birthday Relatable Scams Social Media Money Kids School Education Parents Public freakouts Health Mental health Grieving Geek Music Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Bikes Transportation Cops Fight Family Work Gross Customers

The Top

Today, I was with my boyfriend. He got up, shut the blinds and turned around to say, "I don't usually shut the blinds, but no one can see this." Assuming we were going to have sex, I took my pants off. He asked me what I was doing, then sat down to eat an entire tub of ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 264

You deserved it 2 123

Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said, "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I'd managed to turn myself off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 338

You deserved it 15 971

The Top

Today, I realized there’s no point in maintaining a friendship of 20 years. I stopped texting my friend three weeks ago and he never noticed. I texted him daily for at least the past ten years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 527

You deserved it 254

Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 613

You deserved it 6 022

Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 481

You deserved it 7 364

Today, I was walking back to my home in the city in the dark. I'm paranoid, so when I saw movement behind me I clutched my mace. The faster I walked, the closer the person seemed to be. I spun around and sprayed my attacker with mace. It was my shadow and the wind blew the mace back into eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 193

You deserved it 86 607

Today, someone walking my way started waving. I waved back until I realized he wasn't looking at me. To make things worse, while walking past he said, "Get a fucking friend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 335

You deserved it 3 759

Today, I did something I'd always wanted to do: I went swimming with dolphins. It was really fun, until I went to kiss the dolphin, and she slipped her tongue half into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 311

You deserved it 15 374