Love: Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came... - FML

By mynameisarmpit - 15/11/2010 06:48

Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came up and was being nice. He said, "What can I get you two gentlemen?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 719

You deserved it 4 670

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, I was at lunch with my girlfriend. The waitress came up and asked for her number, then asked if she had a significant other. I laughed as my girlfriend gave the waitress her number. They're going on a date, tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 808

You deserved it 7 151

By TheMike23 - 11/01/2016 05:28 - United States - Winter Garden

Today, I went out with my mom to a restaurant. We were sitting down to eat, and a waitress walks over to our table and asks, "How are you ladies doing tonight?" It really was a nice thing to ask, for my mom. As for me, being a man, not so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 903

You deserved it 2 284

Pleased to meet you

By footinmouth - 13/09/2009 05:14 - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant with some friends. I noticed a very cute waitress about my age, so I walked over to her and asked if she had a boyfriend. The extremely fit, attractive waiter standing next to her immediately turned, held out his hand and goes, "Yeah. Meet me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 991

You deserved it 14 063

By Anonymous - 24/09/2013 07:15 - United States - Petrolia

Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 974

You deserved it 3 410

By Anonymous - 13/03/2013 23:22 - United States

Today, I invited my girlfriend to go eat out, hoping to put her in a really romantic mood. She decided to tell her friend, who then invited herself and another couple along. I ended up being made fifth wheel, and had to sit alone at an adjacent table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 376

You deserved it 4 316

By serverdessert - 08/03/2009 21:02 - United States

Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 560

You deserved it 19 287

Smooth talker

By Kate - 07/03/2009 18:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were out to eat. The waiter came and asked what we wanted. My boyfriend said he wanted a cheeseburger and I told the waiter I'd have the same. My boyfriend looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't want a salad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 752

You deserved it 8 247

By Anonymous - 13/03/2019 12:00 - United States - Salem

Today, I asked a table at a restaurant if there's anything I could get out of their way and they replied, "Yeah, you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 229

You deserved it 233

By Anonymous - 20/07/2009 00:22 - United States

Today, I went out to eat at a restaurant. When the waitress saw me, she continously told me how beautiful and kind I was. Flattered, I just said thank you. Five minutes later, one of the ugliest girls I've ever seen in my life walked in. The waitress told her the same exact things she told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 615

You deserved it 13 573

By Anonymous - 18/04/2009 06:53 - United States

Today, I went out to dinner. The waiter was pretty cute. He greets us, "Hi my name is... (long pause) Jordan." Thinking he was flirting, I quickly smart back, "Are you confused?" He says, "No actually, I have a stutter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 899

You deserved it 69 773

Next

Top comments

ke59100 1

Monday 15 November 2010 12:06

could be worse, he could have what can I get you two ladies?

maskedman 9

Monday 15 November 2010 12:17

At least if your girlfriend cries she can soak the tears up with her mustache.

Comments

Kuuroneko17 2

Monday 15 November 2010 15:34

I read this as "Today, I went to eat out my girlfriend..." I can say I was a little concerned at first.

pennies_lane 6

Monday 15 November 2010 15:50

awww good on you op for having the heart to date an ugly shim! :p

iheartglasses 0

Monday 15 November 2010 15:56

78, She could still put a cute bow, barette, clip, whatever in her hair, or maybe styled it a little more feminine? Length no longer matters in a cut, the STYLE does though.

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

Monday 15 November 2010 16:29

Traitor. But seriously, I hate fussing with doodads in my hair. Well, except for hats. I'm a sucker for hats. You can style a short cut to look feminine without bows and such. The cut makes all the difference.

JustJess666 0

Monday 15 November 2010 16:00

wow that's ****** up. I'm not the prettiest girl but when I wear my shirt that says "ask your girl what my dick tastes like" no one thinks I really have a dick. maybe she should take a long look in the mirror. cuz that's not good if she looks like a man. also you should just come out of the closet as a fag cuz there is an underlining problem here. you really like men not chicks.

minif 0

Monday 15 November 2010 16:00

how the hell is that a FYL ? FHL! she's the one who was thought to be a man.

nnnnas 0

Monday 15 November 2010 16:07

Lmfao ! Hilarious !!

dropdeaddani 0

Monday 15 November 2010 16:18

Haha, same thing happened with me and my ex, only they thought he was a girl. FYL though, OP :/

TheBananaTheif 0

Monday 15 November 2010 16:26

Your girlfriend's name wouldn't happen to be Justin Bieber, would it?

msapp2 0

Monday 15 November 2010 16:30

its ok. for a long time wen me and my gf went out to eat the waitress would say can i help you ladies? i had an fro. it happened more then once

JpasDa1 2

Monday 15 November 2010 16:39

OMG OP!! Your girlfriend is a bull dyke and this is obviously your FML because your the only on who couldn't tell. hahahaha

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The Top

Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 088

You deserved it 18 231

Today, after spotting my ex-boyfriend's truck in a desolate parking lot, I decided to "decorate" the muddy side of it with a rather large male appendage. After checking around me to make sure there were no witnesses, I got to work. I probably should have made sure he wasn't sitting in the truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 280

You deserved it 49 810

The Top

Today, I told my boyfriend about a friend-with-benefits that I had before him, and he dumped me because I’m still friends with that person, and I didn’t tell him about him right away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 2 665

Preparation is key!

I agree, your life sucks 259

You deserved it 65

Today, my family is too damn close. My uncle on my dad's side just got my aunt on my mum's side pregnant, three cousins from dad's side are dating three cousins from mum's side, and a half brother from my dad is marrying my half sister from my mum. We are the inbred rednecks of this town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 511

You deserved it 358

Today, I got hit on. By a high school kid. Who looks exactly like Napoleon Dynamite. That was the only time anyone has ever hit on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 847

You deserved it 225

Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 740

You deserved it 37 947

Today, I took out a thief using my martial arts training. Everyone thanked me, even the police. My mom spent the rest of the day moaning that if I’d minded my own business, the thief would've been gone in two minutes, but thanks to me we had to waste an hour of her day off talking to the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 349

You deserved it 96