Love: Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came...

By mynameisarmpit - 15/11/2010 06:48

Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came up and was being nice. He said, "What can I get you two gentlemen?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 719

You deserved it 4 670

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, I was at lunch with my girlfriend. The waitress came up and asked for her number, then asked if she had a significant other. I laughed as my girlfriend gave the waitress her number. They're going on a date, tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 808

You deserved it 7 151

By TheMike23 - 11/01/2016 05:28 - United States - Winter Garden

Today, I went out with my mom to a restaurant. We were sitting down to eat, and a waitress walks over to our table and asks, "How are you ladies doing tonight?" It really was a nice thing to ask, for my mom. As for me, being a man, not so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 903

You deserved it 2 284

Pleased to meet you

By footinmouth - 13/09/2009 05:14 - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant with some friends. I noticed a very cute waitress about my age, so I walked over to her and asked if she had a boyfriend. The extremely fit, attractive waiter standing next to her immediately turned, held out his hand and goes, "Yeah. Meet me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 991

You deserved it 14 063

By Anonymous - 24/09/2013 07:15 - United States - Petrolia

Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 974

You deserved it 3 410

By Anonymous - 13/03/2013 23:22 - United States

Today, I invited my girlfriend to go eat out, hoping to put her in a really romantic mood. She decided to tell her friend, who then invited herself and another couple along. I ended up being made fifth wheel, and had to sit alone at an adjacent table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 376

You deserved it 4 316

By serverdessert - 08/03/2009 21:02 - United States

Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 560

You deserved it 19 287

Smooth talker

By Kate - 07/03/2009 18:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were out to eat. The waiter came and asked what we wanted. My boyfriend said he wanted a cheeseburger and I told the waiter I'd have the same. My boyfriend looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't want a salad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 752

You deserved it 8 247

By Anonymous - 13/03/2019 12:00 - United States - Salem

Today, I asked a table at a restaurant if there's anything I could get out of their way and they replied, "Yeah, you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 229

You deserved it 233

By Anonymous - 20/07/2009 00:22 - United States

Today, I went out to eat at a restaurant. When the waitress saw me, she continously told me how beautiful and kind I was. Flattered, I just said thank you. Five minutes later, one of the ugliest girls I've ever seen in my life walked in. The waitress told her the same exact things she told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 615

You deserved it 13 573

By Anonymous - 18/04/2009 06:53 - United States

Today, I went out to dinner. The waiter was pretty cute. He greets us, "Hi my name is... (long pause) Jordan." Thinking he was flirting, I quickly smart back, "Are you confused?" He says, "No actually, I have a stutter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 899

You deserved it 69 773

ke59100 1

Monday 15 November 2010 12:06

could be worse, he could have what can I get you two ladies?

maskedman 9

Monday 15 November 2010 12:17

At least if your girlfriend cries she can soak the tears up with her mustache.

Comments

MyFirstKiss 0

Wednesday 17 November 2010 5:51

if your both girls,i can see the FML,but if ur a guy its more a **** her life that yours

MyFirstKiss 0

Wednesday 17 November 2010 6:01

poor girl:(i get it alot too but i have super short hair

Pocahontas22_fml 0

Wednesday 17 November 2010 10:19

weellll whatever your into. I feel bad for your gf, and I give you credit for still dating a girl even though she's different :)

Bryan19 0

Wednesday 17 November 2010 10:35

owned

hayden419 2

Wednesday 17 November 2010 19:45

awe poor girl ):

dankface 0

Thursday 18 November 2010 7:21

ouch.

hAGoN_fml 0

Monday 29 November 2010 4:23

owned

Cookiegirl222 0

Sunday 6 November 2011 21:03

I feel worse for the girl. Its more of an FML for her

gehoy 0

Sunday 4 December 2011 19:37

-Waits for someone to ask if OP is dating Lady Gaga...-

whitelotus 3

Tuesday 31 January 2012 3:45

Wow not sure what to say

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Today, I met my boyfriend in Hong Kong after being apart for almost 6 months. We got to our room and got right down to business. I was just about to come when a voice came over the PA system in the room. "This is just a fire alarm test, sorry for any inconvenience." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 131

You deserved it 5 932

Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 824

You deserved it 254

The Top

Today, after breaking up with my boyfriend, some of my friends decided to take me to a comedy club for a girls night. My friend's jealous husband decided he had to come along, then decided to invite my other friends' boyfriends. I ended up being the seventh wheel on a night meant to cheer me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 799

You deserved it 3 853

Today, while I was asleep, my girlfriend squirted a tiny amount of “mild” hot sauce up my pee hole. In an area that sensitive there's no such thing as fucking mild. I’ve had two days off work already because it stings, and I cry every time I have to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 429

You deserved it 181

Today, it's been a year since the man I loved for more than a decade moved in with me. I felt so lucky at the time, only to suddenly notice more and more that he's a huge racist. Against MY race. Bye bye decades of my wasted time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 224

Today, my boyfriend got a job at a trendy clothing store in the mall. Trying to be supportive, I went to visit him and tried something on. I got stuck in the jeans and had to call my boyfriend, who sent the manager to pull the jeans off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 715

You deserved it 13 849

Today, my wife got a call from my son's school, telling her that he was talking inappropriately in class, using bad language. Neither my wife or I ever use foul language, spoken or written. I feel like such a failure as father and parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 354

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 281

You deserved it 165

Same thing different taste

Pleased to meet you

Smooth talker

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