Love: Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came...

By mynameisarmpit - 15/11/2010 06:48

Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came up and was being nice. He said, "What can I get you two gentlemen?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 719

You deserved it 4 670

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, I was at lunch with my girlfriend. The waitress came up and asked for her number, then asked if she had a significant other. I laughed as my girlfriend gave the waitress her number. They're going on a date, tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 808

You deserved it 7 151

By TheMike23 - 11/01/2016 05:28 - United States - Winter Garden

Today, I went out with my mom to a restaurant. We were sitting down to eat, and a waitress walks over to our table and asks, "How are you ladies doing tonight?" It really was a nice thing to ask, for my mom. As for me, being a man, not so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 903

You deserved it 2 284

Pleased to meet you

By footinmouth - 13/09/2009 05:14 - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant with some friends. I noticed a very cute waitress about my age, so I walked over to her and asked if she had a boyfriend. The extremely fit, attractive waiter standing next to her immediately turned, held out his hand and goes, "Yeah. Meet me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 991

You deserved it 14 063

By Anonymous - 24/09/2013 07:15 - United States - Petrolia

Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 974

You deserved it 3 410

By Anonymous - 13/03/2013 23:22 - United States

Today, I invited my girlfriend to go eat out, hoping to put her in a really romantic mood. She decided to tell her friend, who then invited herself and another couple along. I ended up being made fifth wheel, and had to sit alone at an adjacent table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 377

You deserved it 4 316

By serverdessert - 08/03/2009 21:02 - United States

Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 560

You deserved it 19 287

Smooth talker

By Kate - 07/03/2009 18:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were out to eat. The waiter came and asked what we wanted. My boyfriend said he wanted a cheeseburger and I told the waiter I'd have the same. My boyfriend looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't want a salad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 752

You deserved it 8 247

By Anonymous - 13/03/2019 12:00 - United States - Salem

Today, I asked a table at a restaurant if there's anything I could get out of their way and they replied, "Yeah, you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 229

You deserved it 233

By Anonymous - 20/07/2009 00:22 - United States

Today, I went out to eat at a restaurant. When the waitress saw me, she continously told me how beautiful and kind I was. Flattered, I just said thank you. Five minutes later, one of the ugliest girls I've ever seen in my life walked in. The waitress told her the same exact things she told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 615

You deserved it 13 573

By Anonymous - 18/04/2009 06:53 - United States

Today, I went out to dinner. The waiter was pretty cute. He greets us, "Hi my name is... (long pause) Jordan." Thinking he was flirting, I quickly smart back, "Are you confused?" He says, "No actually, I have a stutter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 899

You deserved it 69 773

ke59100 1

Monday 15 November 2010 12:06

could be worse, he could have what can I get you two ladies?

maskedman 9

Monday 15 November 2010 12:17

At least if your girlfriend cries she can soak the tears up with her mustache.

Comments

Illyssa_fml 4

Monday 15 November 2010 22:20

Hahaha! ydi for liking girls who look like guys

me5me5 0

Monday 15 November 2010 23:44

Wouldn't that be your girlfriends FML?

GuitarPlaya7 0

Tuesday 16 November 2010 1:03

^^ your not

jkweenjkwrntjkrw 0

Tuesday 16 November 2010 1:28

FML's for all three. GF, BF, and waiter.

victorioustunnel 0

Tuesday 16 November 2010 1:54

he was probly foreign

myknewverr 0

Tuesday 16 November 2010 2:03

that's worse for your gf bud.

xXBlAcKxWiDoWXx 0

Tuesday 16 November 2010 2:51

F your girlfriend's life, not yours.

persimmon 0

Tuesday 16 November 2010 3:45

dogface gf?

Efilyn 0

Tuesday 16 November 2010 5:04

It's not really your FML, now is it? I'm sure your GF can speak for herself. Unless she doesn't mind.

Dez31396 0

Tuesday 16 November 2010 5:31

OWNED!!!!!!!!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was driving to visit my parents for the first time in two years. After spending about $4000 to make sure my car wouldn't break down on the journey, around the halfway point, the front tire popped and the engine blew out. I'm about 5 states away from both my parents and my home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 732

You deserved it 489

Today, I had to call social services after a couple once again brought their baby in with severe allergic reactions. His allergy? The family dog. These idiots would rather let their kid die than get rid of the stupid mutt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 121

The Top

Today, I was washing my hair in the shower when the water went ice cold. It's 20 degrees outside and we have soft water which takes a longer time to wash away soap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 525

You deserved it 2 901

Today, I got a call from my husband, saying that he wants a divorce, he’s been seeing his colleague and that she’s more compatible to him. I’ve just given birth to out first child. He told me, "Aww, good luck with that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 869

You deserved it 117

Today, I had a package stolen from my porch. It was a shipment of customized M&M's for a Valentine's gift. I spent $60 for someone else to eat "I love you" messages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 542

You deserved it 4 029

Today, my mom thought it would be a good idea to see what websites I go on from my computer while I wasn't home. She clicked the link that gave my computer a virus that I just got rid of a few days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 167

You deserved it 5 539

Today, even after recovering and being able to walk again, my dad keeps peeing in a bucket by his bed. He sees nothing wrong with this, even though it smells. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 513

You deserved it 1 446

Today, while I was at work, my wife discovered you cannot put out a grease fire with water. I came home to a frantic spouse, a fire department bill, and a newly destroyed kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 611

You deserved it 2 608

Same thing different taste

Pleased to meet you

Smooth talker

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