Love: Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came... - FML

By mynameisarmpit - 15/11/2010 06:48

Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came up and was being nice. He said, "What can I get you two gentlemen?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 719

You deserved it 4 670

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, I was at lunch with my girlfriend. The waitress came up and asked for her number, then asked if she had a significant other. I laughed as my girlfriend gave the waitress her number. They're going on a date, tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 808

You deserved it 7 151

By TheMike23 - 11/01/2016 05:28 - United States - Winter Garden

Today, I went out with my mom to a restaurant. We were sitting down to eat, and a waitress walks over to our table and asks, "How are you ladies doing tonight?" It really was a nice thing to ask, for my mom. As for me, being a man, not so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 903

You deserved it 2 284

Pleased to meet you

By footinmouth - 13/09/2009 05:14 - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant with some friends. I noticed a very cute waitress about my age, so I walked over to her and asked if she had a boyfriend. The extremely fit, attractive waiter standing next to her immediately turned, held out his hand and goes, "Yeah. Meet me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 991

You deserved it 14 063

By Anonymous - 24/09/2013 07:15 - United States - Petrolia

Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 974

You deserved it 3 410

By Anonymous - 13/03/2013 23:22 - United States

Today, I invited my girlfriend to go eat out, hoping to put her in a really romantic mood. She decided to tell her friend, who then invited herself and another couple along. I ended up being made fifth wheel, and had to sit alone at an adjacent table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 376

You deserved it 4 316

By serverdessert - 08/03/2009 21:02 - United States

Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 560

You deserved it 19 287

Smooth talker

By Kate - 07/03/2009 18:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were out to eat. The waiter came and asked what we wanted. My boyfriend said he wanted a cheeseburger and I told the waiter I'd have the same. My boyfriend looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't want a salad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 752

You deserved it 8 247

By Anonymous - 13/03/2019 12:00 - United States - Salem

Today, I asked a table at a restaurant if there's anything I could get out of their way and they replied, "Yeah, you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 229

You deserved it 233

By Anonymous - 20/07/2009 00:22 - United States

Today, I went out to eat at a restaurant. When the waitress saw me, she continously told me how beautiful and kind I was. Flattered, I just said thank you. Five minutes later, one of the ugliest girls I've ever seen in my life walked in. The waitress told her the same exact things she told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 615

You deserved it 13 573

By Anonymous - 18/04/2009 06:53 - United States

Today, I went out to dinner. The waiter was pretty cute. He greets us, "Hi my name is... (long pause) Jordan." Thinking he was flirting, I quickly smart back, "Are you confused?" He says, "No actually, I have a stutter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 899

You deserved it 69 773

Next

Top comments

ke59100 1

Monday 15 November 2010 12:06

could be worse, he could have what can I get you two ladies?

maskedman 9

Monday 15 November 2010 12:17

At least if your girlfriend cries she can soak the tears up with her mustache.

Comments

awks 0

Monday 15 November 2010 13:28

awkward for you then ☆〜（ゝ。∂）

cartez2gs 3

Monday 15 November 2010 13:32

face it your girl looks like a baboon's colon. lol!!!

ChibiKarr 3

Monday 15 November 2010 13:58

HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMEN???

DocBastard 38

Monday 15 November 2010 14:30

Am I the only one who read this as, "Today, I went to eat out my girlfriend..."? I figured the waiter was there to bring a napkin. I guess the mind sees what it chooses to see.

sourgirl101 28

Monday 15 November 2010 14:59

I saw that too, but than again, I have a dirty mind. Nice to see I'm not the only one. Who needs a napkin went he could just wipe his face off with the inside of her thighs? Btw Doc, you're 69.(:

RedPillSucks 31

Monday 15 November 2010 15:01

Damn you DocBastard!!! I'm not suppose to laugh out loud at work! It pisses off the psych patients!

sourgirl101 28

Monday 15 November 2010 15:07

^when. Oops

DocBastard 38

Monday 15 November 2010 15:51

marinus, er, suniram, are you saying you're quicker-witted (quick-witteder?) than I, have a greater sense of decorum than I, or both?

JustJess666 0

Monday 15 November 2010 15:57

wow yea I saw that too. but no napkins needed cuz apparently she looks like a man so he can just use her beard or ball sack to clean his face off.

mpclaw 3

Monday 15 November 2010 14:34

was your hair nice? did you have on make up? girlie cloths? or, are you overweight and unkempt!

jose1760 1

Monday 15 November 2010 14:48

Use that as a excuse to use the "back door" in bed tonight! Role playing is awesome!

rencegoh 0

Monday 15 November 2010 14:56

wow u have a fetish for girls who are manly.

RedPillSucks 31

Monday 15 November 2010 15:03

OP. Your girlfriend should have replied: *The only tip you're gonna get is when you suck my dick!*

rainbowveins2010 6

Monday 15 November 2010 15:15

Damn thats gotta suck :/

zasha22 0

Monday 15 November 2010 15:17

no.10 is hot!!!

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Keywords

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The Top

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You deserved it 8 930

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 25 640

You deserved it 2 224

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I agree, your life sucks 1 230

You deserved it 139

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I agree, your life sucks 183

You deserved it 989

Today, my girlfriend's parents took pictures of my tattoos to make sure I'm "not affiliated with any gangs." I have never even been arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 802

You deserved it 4 175

Today, my girlfriend had someone else dump me via text message. I knew it wasn't her because for once I wasn't being viciously insulted, and it wasn't written as if an illiterate baboon had taken a shit all over her keypad. I can't even feel happy about being rid of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 612

You deserved it 6 946

Today, I had to wave my arms like a maniac as I sat on the toilet at work, otherwise the faulty motion sensor/timer would turn the lights off after about ten seconds. I've had to do this for several days now. No one else has reported this problem, so management won't get it fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 151

You deserved it 4 359