Intimacy: Today, I was surprising my husband because our sex life is lacking....

By Meh - 18/07/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I was surprising my husband because our sex life is lacking. We have planned sex tuesday night, every week, with the lights off. When he came home for lunch, I was nude and waiting for him. He took one look and said, "I forgot you looked like that. Meh, I'm going back to work." FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 060

You deserved it 8 539

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 06:57 - United States

Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 278

You deserved it 4 727

It's business time

By anonymous - 17/03/2015 05:09 - United States - Spokane

Today, I tried to surprise my husband by wearing something sexy to bed. He didn't say anything, just laughed and left the room for 10 minutes. The little confidence I had disappeared, so I changed, feeling stupid for thinking I could pull off sexy. He got mad at me for being confusing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 170

You deserved it 4 102

Jumping to conclusions

By Anonymous - 08/03/2015 10:33 - United Kingdom - The Hyde

Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 694

You deserved it 3 557

My little buddy

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 05:37 - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 102

You deserved it 6 492

By Tonya - 28/06/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, I left the house for a while and when I came back my husband was wearing my lacy lingerie. He looks better in it than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 221

You deserved it 7 759

By Username - 18/03/2010 08:21 - France

Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 564

You deserved it 49 683

Pragmatic

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 14:05 - South Africa

Today, after confronting my husband about lack of intimacy in our marriage, I found him playing with himself. His response to my shock was, "This is less work and less involving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 942

You deserved it 4 942

By ChopSuey - 01/06/2016 04:02 - United States - West Monroe

Today, my husband returned from being away for two weeks. I eagerly got myself ready and sent him a risqué picture so he would come to bed. An hour later, he's on the couch playing Xbox with the message already seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 898

You deserved it 1 616

Benny Goodman classic

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 17:00 - United States

Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 267

You deserved it 170

By notsohot - 25/08/2019 00:01

Today, I showed up at my boyfriend's house with nothing under my coat but some sexy lingerie. He told me he was working on an assignment, and made me wait three hours before he'd have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 314

You deserved it 2 270

luckynotso 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 20:02

tell him to shove it!! what an ass!!

jjenniferr05 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 0:34

What the **** is wrong with people?! Way to put the poor woman down even further, seriously. A woman does put on weight, not have her old looks as she gets older.. True love is about loving someone, for who they are. And truly, if he really had a problem, then he should have sat her down and sensitively talked about how he felt she wasn't doing herself justice. You don't even know that she's put on weight, or that she's let herself go, He could just be being a dick! The people on here sometimes make me so angry. No one should ever be talked to like that - 'I forgot you looked like that' - that's downright outrageous! She's probably had kids, and kept the weight from it, Or perhaps she has a few wrinkles cause she doesn't have botox. Honest to god. People are so obsessed with looks these days - they do matter, but if you love someone, you love them no matter what.

Comments

echarperouge 0

Monday 20 July 2009 6:53

Dear, you don't need scheduled sex, you need marriage counseling.

Hoax_fml 0

Monday 20 July 2009 7:35

41,36,38? How tall are you, like 6.5ft? Otherwise... I'd say you were quite husky.

lor4eto 0

Monday 20 July 2009 13:39

ookkaaayyyy to all the feminists or whatever writing on here, get over yourselves. its not that hard to stay in shape. i hate how when women (im not saying ONLY women. just cuz it goes with this FML) get married, they let themselves get fat and flabby and yucky just because they think they've already "won over" the man and they dont have to keep trying anymore just cuz they're married, and then they're sooooo surprised when it turns out that the man has a lover on the side. jeeeeez. its her own fault. i wouldnt want to have sex with someone that i wasnt attracted to, so why would he?