Animals: Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends....

By MJ3105 - 07/05/2009 11:36 - Israel

Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 167

You deserved it 153 024

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Same thing different taste

By #201 - 05/02/2009 13:23 - United States

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 466

You deserved it 16 549

By pass me the fucking rope - 18/06/2016 13:17 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse, a bird shat on my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 441

You deserved it 931

Surprise strike

By Anonymous - 28/06/2020 20:02

Today, as I was walking home with dinner, a pigeon pooped on my leg like a dive bomb. My hands were full carrying the food, so I had to walk the rest of the way with a smear on my jeans that everyone knew what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 169

From a great height

By Anonymous - 08/05/2021 21:59

Today, I was sitting on the back porch with my husband. I felt two raindrops land on my head, so I said we should go inside because it was starting to rain. It turned out to just be a bird shitting on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 995

You deserved it 93

Nice bird

By Sick - 01/01/2020 01:00 - Netherlands - Ede

Today, a bird shit on my jacket whilst smoking, I cleaned it and went back outside, and got shit on again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 984

By poopedon - 26/04/2009 03:10 - Canada

Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 987

You deserved it 18 147

By yuck - 09/12/2018 03:30 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was out riding and a seagull pissed on me. It got in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 620

You deserved it 237

By Anonymous - 04/08/2016 21:25

Today, I made myself a snack. I took a seemingly clean plate from the sink which had been used earlier for scrambled eggs. Only after I'd made the snack did I remember I let my dog lick the plate clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 995

You deserved it 15 564

Spice

By Anonymous - 07/04/2021 04:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 956

I am very hungry

By I'mSoHungry - 11/01/2020 08:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, a bird flew into the workshop where I work, gave itself a tour of the place, then promptly pooped on my lunch and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 325

You deserved it 197

youmakemyday_fml 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 16:07

ughh...why would you eat something that landed on the table anyway?? wouldn't you wipe it off with a napkin...

ozymandias_fml 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 16:09

You are a disgusting person. Even if it was mayo, that is disgusting. Who a) eats random condiments they find b) especially when splattered on a disgusting public table?

Comments

Celebratelife 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 17:10

Why would you lick mayo off the table? That's gross anyway. Are you 8?

ComputerAnalysis 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 17:15

So what have we learned today?

AntiChrist7 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 17:16

everything that sticks on a table is gross anyway. is your mental age 2?

hahaha6 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 17:19

1) Eww because it's mayo 2) Ewww to wiping it off the table! Do you know how gross those tables are? When they wipe them down they do it with a wet cloth that they have just wiped everything else down with.... no they do not get a fresh rag, no they do not even run fresh warm water through it. Restaurants have trouble keeping bacteria off fresh lemon/lime slices why would you 'essentially' lick something off a public table, outside?

Lotus_Eater 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 17:19

Fatass.

LoLLiPoPPiCoRnZ 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 17:19

only 5 year olds lick stuff off the table. ur life is ****** and you deserved it at the same time. never lick anything off a table. I might hav to tell 5 year olds that but I'm guessing you're about 17 or 18.

shananigans 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 17:20

That's disgusting, most civilized people above the age of four know that you don't lick tables or lick things off of tables. Gross, YDI.

ladywaldo 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 17:24

Ahhhhhh!!!! Filthy filthy filthy!!! Learn your lesson????? Sure hope so

Blind_Ninja 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 17:33

OP deserved it. First for being a fat ass. Honestly, mayo? That's not exactly the kind of condiment that people eat on its own. Maybe ranch, or barbeque, or ketchup.... but mayo? Yeah, that screams fat ass. Second for not being able to tell the difference between bird splatter and mayo. Idiot, much? Third... eat a piece of a meat or some vegetables off a table during the meal, I'll give you the five second rule. But some sauce after your meal is over? Come the **** on....