Love: Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend...

By facepalm - 15/10/2014 23:36 - United States - Gainesville

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 411

You deserved it 4 384

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By NestHead - 01/10/2013 17:32 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, my two parrots decided that my head was the best place to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 093

You deserved it 5 860

Impressive

By Anonymous - 19/03/2009 02:57 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 425

You deserved it 19 334

By sexual parrot - 21/04/2014 18:42

Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 636

You deserved it 16 114

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 488

You deserved it 11 066

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 14:03 - United States

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach it. She stopped and congratulated it, and I took the chance to move it to the other room to prevent further distraction. She got mad and wouldn't let me back in bed because I just "untrained it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 467

You deserved it 7 695

Repetition

By Anonymous - 24/07/2022 03:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, it was my first time with a new boyfriend. We had sex in my living room. He asked if he could "eat my pussy." This has became my parakeet's new favorite phrase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 409

By Anonymous - 09/06/2016 19:39 - Germany - Munich

Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 219

You deserved it 1 145

By gp28 - 18/02/2010 20:08 - United States

Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 916

You deserved it 4 004

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 04:43 - United States

Today, my pet parrot learned a new trick. In addition to imitating my dog, and my voice when I call my mother, it can now imitate my sex noises, and likes to screech them whenever someone comes into the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 181

You deserved it 9 259

You OK dude?

By kvdfan - 27/08/2012 12:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over to see me after almost a month of us not spending time together. Unfortunately, he came straight from bar-hopping with his friends and was wasted. He's currently naked in bed, cooing at his penis, and giggling like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 303

You deserved it 3 508

BlameTheOwls 14

Thursday 16 October 2014 9:27

Not gonna lie, that's a great image.

kiki1705 20

Thursday 16 October 2014 9:31

Is he having a hard time teaching them? =)

Comments

XanderLance 19

Thursday 16 October 2014 12:54

imagine how much those claws would hurt digging in...

RA91 26

Thursday 16 October 2014 13:01

I'm sorry but...this is hilarious!!!!! LMAOOOOO!!!!!!!ROFL!!!!!!

sayyestothedress 24

Thursday 16 October 2014 13:05

My thoughts exactly!

vikky538 28

Thursday 16 October 2014 13:37

which one you are more worried about the baby parakeets or your boyfriends boner..

martin8337 35

Thursday 16 October 2014 13:37

Hopefully the birds won't peck his pecker. Or maybe so, he probably deserves it.

RedPillSucks 31

Thursday 16 October 2014 20:54

how much wood, would a wood pecker peck, if a wood pecker could peck wood

cadillacgal79 32

Thursday 16 October 2014 23:46

But woodpeckers can peck wood.

martin8337 35

Monday 24 November 2014 21:10

if a woodpecker could peck wood, it would peck as much wood as a woodpecker could peck.

PeterPanties 6

Thursday 16 October 2014 13:49

Wouldn't that be considered **********?

GentlemanBastard 15

Thursday 16 October 2014 16:01

He wasn't ******* the birds. So no.

omgwthilu 20

Thursday 16 October 2014 14:06

At least they were not woodpeckers.

UmmOkThen 31

Thursday 16 October 2014 14:25

That's actually super funny.

dakid87 10

Thursday 16 October 2014 14:38

If he master it, please let me know so I can master it too

oJoy 11

Thursday 16 October 2014 14:42

Argh! I would be worried

Keywords

Management Work Awkward Miscellaneous Friends Health Relatable Healthy Lifestyle Mother in law Gifts Family Money Birthday Education Parents Public freakouts Pranks Students Exams Weird Love Argument AITA Fear Insects Skincare Cats Job interview Jealousy Gross

The Top

Today, I'm 25 and still a virgin. At this point I'm not sure to feel embarrassed or proud. Imagine being 25 and not know what the fuck you are doing in the bedroom. I don't know who it would be more awkward for, me or them. Maybe I'll just avoid human interaction all together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 141

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 334

You deserved it 3 581

The Top

Today, I looked up my current boyfriend's ex's TikTok, and I realized how much I look like her. So now I'm wondering if he's only dating me to get over her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 512

Today, my husband announced the reason he had been working since much is because he had secretly paid off my tens of thousands of student loans. I then had to tell him I'm leaving him for his best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 2 480

Today, I was nude modeling for the first time for a life art class. The only criteria for the class was that I not move at all while being observed. After a few seconds I noticed a really hot girl drawing me. I got a hard on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 283

You deserved it 30 523

Today, I found out my job is trying to get me to quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 678

You deserved it 158

Today, I started crying in class because of a sad part in the book I was reading. I got pulled out into the hallway and my male teacher asked, "Is it your special time?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 981

You deserved it 8 569

Today, I found out my mother cleans the dishes with bathroom cleaning chemicals. She doesn't see anything wrong with this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 043

You deserved it 2 677

Same thing different taste

Impressive

Repetition

You OK dude?

Top comments

Comments