Love: Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend... - FML

By facepalm - 15/10/2014 23:36 - United States - Gainesville

Spicy

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 411

You deserved it 4 384

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Same thing different taste

By NestHead - 01/10/2013 17:32 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, my two parrots decided that my head was the best place to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 093

You deserved it 5 860

Impressive

By Anonymous - 19/03/2009 02:57 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 425

You deserved it 19 334

By sexual parrot - 21/04/2014 18:42

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 636

You deserved it 16 114

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 488

You deserved it 11 066

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 14:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach it. She stopped and congratulated it, and I took the chance to move it to the other room to prevent further distraction. She got mad and wouldn't let me back in bed because I just "untrained it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 467

You deserved it 7 695

Repetition

By Anonymous - 24/07/2022 03:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Spicy

Today, it was my first time with a new boyfriend. We had sex in my living room. He asked if he could "eat my pussy." This has became my parakeet's new favorite phrase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 409

By Anonymous - 09/06/2016 19:39 - Germany - Munich

Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 219

You deserved it 1 145

By gp28 - 18/02/2010 20:08 - United States

Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 916

You deserved it 4 004

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 04:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, my pet parrot learned a new trick. In addition to imitating my dog, and my voice when I call my mother, it can now imitate my sex noises, and likes to screech them whenever someone comes into the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 181

You deserved it 9 259

You OK dude?

By kvdfan - 27/08/2012 12:57 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came over to see me after almost a month of us not spending time together. Unfortunately, he came straight from bar-hopping with his friends and was wasted. He's currently naked in bed, cooing at his penis, and giggling like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 303

You deserved it 3 508

Next

Top comments

BlameTheOwls 14

Thursday 16 October 2014 9:27

Not gonna lie, that's a great image.

kiki1705 20

Thursday 16 October 2014 9:31

Is he having a hard time teaching them? =)

Comments

sem2183 13

Sunday 19 October 2014 11:51

Ok now that I'm done laughing my ass off all I gotta say is seriously? Lol wow.

syed121417 22

Sunday 19 October 2014 23:43

I wouldn't call it a fetish, because it doesn't sound like OP's boyfriend is attracted to birds. It just sounds like he's drunk like OP said and is being an idiot, which is pretty common when hammered, as we all know. I have to be honest, if I walked in on that I would probably ******* laugh as hard as possible but then slowly try to move him away from the birds because I wouldn't want him to get hurt.

lollypop624 11

Thursday 30 October 2014 13:36

Guess he watches Cyanide & Happiness as well.

Kevinmeowbeanz 22

Sunday 6 September 2015 21:51

only in Florida

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The Top

Today, after waiting two weeks for an email with my online textbook access code, it still hadn't arrived in time for my quiz tomorrow, so I ended up spending most of my money on the expensive physical copy. Not long after I got back home, the email finally arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 204

You deserved it 5 035

Today, I had a mental breakdown because I have a 10,000 word final project due on Monday and I have only 800 words written so far, because I have been working on other classes and trying to be outside with my friends in the nice weather this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 787

The Top

Today, I’ve been the proud owner of an engagement ring for about 7 hours, and I’ve just spent the last 4 of them desperately searching for the damn thing, as I’ve lost it already. I daren’t tell my partner, since he was so sure I’d lose it, he'd told me to put it in our safe, and I stubbornly refused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 1 761

Today, my idiot son incinerated his shoes in the oven. They were wet and he wanted to "quick-dry" them, so now the whole house smells terrible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 146

Today, I dried my hands on the same towel I used this morning to wipe up a few shards of glass. You can't see the small splinters in my hands, but believe me, I can feel them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 839

You deserved it 42 271

Today, I was singing in a terrible voice on purpose during a Zoom call from school, thinking I was on mute. I carried on, until a message saying, "The host has muted you" appeared on my screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 1 694

Today, my boss said he's worried about our network, becausen "WiFi's all in the air. People could spy on us from anywhere!" I sarcastically said, "My god, you're right!" and suggested switching to tin-foil ethernet cables to stop the signal escaping. He told me to do it ASAP. This moron makes five times my salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 912

You deserved it 4 215

Today, I was texting while walking up the stairs to my porch. When I looked up, I saw someone standing behind the porch door, and was so scared that I fell backwards down the stairs. Turns out, it was just my reflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 1 619